The Prudence of Kyon
by Orosboru
Summary: In my climatic adventures with strange beings in strange circumstances, one wonders if I care...
1. I need a life

I need a life

If you would consider the local weather patterns, today was a perfectly normal day. Scattered flurries cover the area with a light dusting of snow. If you would consider the Georgian/Julian calendars, today was a normal day. A normal Monday with nothing special going about it, no holiday, observance, or any event of note. If you would consider this date in human history, nothing important, not even a person's birthday, was noted by historians.

Of course, all of that does not content me one iota. I suppose you can call me a narcissist. Not a very good one, mind you. With all my hours going towards zany schemes and saving the world, I find that I have very little time to look at myself. Granted, with all my free time at this moment I ironically can think about the things that not thinking brought me into this situation.

Hell, I'm no narcissist. I don't obsess over myself. Suspiciously, now I realize that my life is much duller out of school then in it. Am I really that uninteresting? Clearly not. With several shadowy organizations and their equally mysterious opponents taking a unhealthy interest in my actions with her, I think I can safely ignore that possibility.

Is the human ability to self-doubt beneficial, in light of several factors? Undoubtedly it is good for actions that require much thought, like politics and art. However, for processes that don't require higher thinking, like the components of physical sports and other fast actions, does it provide any benefit? Science says that the time for a nerve stimuli to reach the brain and to induce a reaction can be measured in milliseconds. Would a second of self-doubt be lethal in those situation?

Never mind that. I'm neither the one for introspection or one to ignore my own doubts. I'm just... me. Which would go a long way to explaining why on this normal night that I'm about to die.

(Break)

In medias res is a way to get into the action quickly, with relevant plot details explained in passing, in a exciting manner. For actual people, in these situations of terror and regret all of the decisions that lead to this moment swirl around their minds. For me, I'm no exception.

But in order to increase the suspense, I'm going to neglect telling you the circumstances of my visit in order to explain exactly where I am. The roof I am sitting on is made of solid sheet metal, and is slightly warm, which my ass can appreciate. The reason I am sitting here is to evade the detection of the sentry about 40 meters to my right. When in times of peril the best thing is to consider all of the factors in the equation.

I need to wait for the guard to get inattentive, and quickly (This school uniform is not the best camouflage or warmth ) in order to acquire the item I was sent to retrieve. The ridiculousness of the situation was apparent, even before I came to the base.

The air force base in Okinawa even during the post-war period was not heavily guarded. Even the worst case scenario of my discovery will result in me running as quickly as possible. That's right. That's my escape plan. Her insanity is only outmatched by her overconfidence in herself and her subordinates. The Americans are most likely bored out of their minds and are itching for something to do. Something to shoot. Me.

The spotlight flickers and shines in another location. Time to move. I slide down the roof and I land, uncomfortably into a snow drift. Why doesn't my school have a more practical school uniform? With all of the physical and mental challenges I have to endure, the dress code is paramount. If I dressed to my tasks then everyone would look funny at me. They would ask me if some of her weirdness rubbed off onto me. What a sight it would be! Ah, never mind.

I stand up. Snow infests the tiny nooks and crannies in my uniform. I will have to do the laundry – again! She doesn't realize how much a pain this is – my parents will question why my uniform got dirty again and it will have to be replaced if it goes under any more stress. If my clothes were a person, they would resemble me – exactly. You could say I feel as crappy as I look.

The cold is uncomfortable, but I have to grin and bear it. The snow is very deep and I have to jump from step to step. I jog towards the large warehouse as quietly and quickly as I can. The snow makes a crunching sound and I wince with every movement. Surely I can back out now. Surely if I hand myself in, they'd send me home in a car with noone the wiser.

But then I'll have to deal with my parents. And her.

So I continue and I meet the first challenge of the day, a locked door.

(Break)

The locked door had a numerical keypad with 10 numbers enamelled with brass. Assuming this was a four-number lock, their were 10,000 possible combinations. Assuming, of course, it was four. Military hardware is supposingly more secure then the civilian locks I've been shown of this time.

I look at my sheet of paper. 6-1-1-9. I press the keys as slowly as I can, straining to hear the clicks in the hardware. Nothing. I try again. Nothing.

I pull out my cellphone. Do I even have reception here? Are the Americans tapping into the local communications here? I call Haruhi's cell. My anxieties heighten with each and every dial tone. My hands are shaking horribly, partly from the cold and partly from my paranoia. The phone picks up.

"Hey! Idiot, we've been worrying about you for hours – where are you?"

"The door code is wrong, I can't get in and I need some help."

"You jerk! First you don't pick up your phone and now you don't answer my perfectly reasonable question. Now I don't know if I want to help you."

"I don't have time for pleasantries! For some reason or another this door isn't opening. Can you give me a solution?"

"Of course not- Fine! Fine! Since you are so hopelessly impertinent we can overlook the breach of protocol for now. Why aren't you using your code name?"

I absently press the keys. No dice.

"We have codenames now. I'd decided them after we stowed you on that Humvee."

_I'd expect her to do something as idiotic as this. The difference between her common sense and her fantasizing is nonexistent. Honestly, how in the world was she able to pull this off? _

"_Our cheerful vice-president is codenamed K. Remember that!" _

_How unimaginative. You'd think that if you bothered to create nicknames they wouldn't have anything to do with your real name. _

"_Our resident mascot, although I doubt she will be of any use in this operation, is codenamed Tight Ass." _

Another voice whines in the background. I hear her yelling incoherent. She must have pulled the phone away! Damn.

"_After some heated debate, I have consented to compromise with her. Instead of Tight Ass, she will be called BB."_

"_What does that stand for?" _

"_Big breasts."_

_How is that any better? _

"She wouldn't speak up, so I decided that Nagato's codename is Snow."

"Isn't that her first name, but in English?"

"I know, right, aren't I so clever?"

_I think it would mean the exact opposite of clever. And why mention the real name just before you say the codename? It defeats the purpose. _

"Finally, my super-impressive secret title codename is Ultra-Director Hazuki Suzumiya!"

_Idiot! Fool! Changing one letter doesn't make it secret? And why did you keep your last name?_

"Why Hazuki? Isn't that a boy's name?"

"When my parents were deciding on a name, they were arguing day and night. My mother would pick feminine names and my father would reject all of them. He would tell me that if I was a guy then he wouldn't want me to be some sort of feeble-minded pretty boy. They finally determined to pick a name that, with a change of a couple letters, would be good for a girl or a boy."

"But why include your last name?" She doesn't even know the basics of espionage!

"If the Americans pick up on my last name they will have to go through all of the Suzumiyas in Japan! And since I was born a girl, Hazuki doesn't exist and they will spend their entire military budget on finding this mysterious Japanese terrorist. Aren't I brilliant?"

_Words fail me to describe your genius, oh humble one. Perhaps one day I will find the strength to force common sense into your head. _

"I'll send you the video Snow found on the internet for cracking these locks."

"There'd be a small problem with that."

"What is it Kyon?"

"Firstly, do I get a codename?"

"Since you seem content wasting my time, I have decided that your awesome nickname shall remain, for the time being, a secret. Kyon will have to do."

_She wastes all of this time with this secret name crap and I don't even get a secret nickname? Sorry, mother, father, little sister, Taniguchi, Kunikuda. I'm afraid that you will have to bare the shame of knowing a terrorist. _

"Secondly, my phone doesn't receive video."

"What!" Suzumiya exclaimed. "How old is your phone?"

"Two years. Why?"

"Two years is ancient!" She was screaming into the phone. Honestly I don't get the need to replace a phone every 6 months. Isn't technology still useful even years after it is been created? I've been using the same totebag for 3 years! Does that make me some sort of Luddite?

"Damn it, Kyon! If you paid any sort of attention to the state of Japan any amount of time you'd realize the need to stay current. The old and stale forms of thinking are useless if you want to keep up with the SOS brigade. Now thanks to your geriatric cell phone our plan has ground to a halt! Wait a second – Yuki wants to speak to you.

_Why even have secret codenames if you are going to mention her real name in the first place? _

"Kyon." Nagato spoke with a reassuring monotone. Have I ever thought that it was unpleasant to listen to? Emotion and tone is overrated.

"What is it, Nagato?" I was genuinely interested in what she had to say. Unlike Suzumiya, she usually had something relevant to say.

"Flip the paper."

I looked at the code.

6-1-1-9

became

9-1-1-6

I pressed the keys. **Click! **

"Thank you, Nagato."

"... Yes."

I swung open the door and I walked in.

(Break)

I don't think that I should call her again. Definitely not her. If anyone, I should call Koizumi if anything or anyone gives me trouble. Even when he behaves like a insufferable ass and give me non-answers to my questions, at least he gives solid support from the organization of his. Nagato has her own ways of contacting me, and Big Asahina would just appear if this was a crucial period of time.

I came here to look for, in Haruhi's words, "Strange documents or anything relating to aliens. There should be something interesting hiding around any American military base! Perhaps this base is Japan's Area 51!..."

Arguing that Japan doesn't need anything like that and that the American military probably doesn't leave secret information lying around for civilians to steal was futile. She could not be persuaded. And of course I was the one that had to do the job. Koizumi was the second-in-command, Mikuru was the mascot and Nagato "was a girl, so be a man, Kyon!". If I have to be a woman to get out of this mess then I would gladly accept.

Isn't feminism supposed to promote equality, rather then increased unfairness? Modern society has stripped away the negative reactions to woman, but not the positive. Chivalry is dead, why do I have to die too? That's another thing I dislike about Haruhi – she manages this double standard like a pro. She plays cute to break the rules and then she goes frosty when it comes to the consequences.

This hanger is almost empty. The intel Haruhi scammed out of some poor guy was good, but poor. Only a bunch of tarps and a small office sat in the empty hanger. Fortunately for me, this means that there was very little security, and no guards. Lets think. I could tell her that I went into the hanger, but I found it was empty. I searched the entire area but there was nothing to be found.

Poor excuse. That wouldn't work. She would curse me for being useless and being the most stubborn person I know, will send me again somewhere. She takes advantage of the fact that I'm vacationing somewhere decent and pulls me into this mess. That tarp could be hiding something, but it looks securely nailed down to the floor and I don't have the time to take it off. The only option left is to search that tiny office.

The door is unlocked, surprisingly, and I let myself in. I fumble for a light switch and a anaemic light turns on. This looks like a small cubicle that a salaryman would commit suicide in. It was stuffed with papers in complicated-looking english that I didn't know. I page at the contents. I'm not a fast reader, but all of this seems to be weather balloon data and acquisition requests. I stuff some of the pages with charts into my totebag.

The hanger suddenly roars to life. A loud engine sound reverberates throughout the entire building and it rattle the poor little cubicle. Initially, I'm shocked. I peek out just in time for a iron stake to miss my head. The tarp is straining at whatever is contained within. More spikes fly around, creating holes in the ceiling. I hit the floor, hoping that Haruhi's stupidity wouldn't finally kill me. I had lived a good life, haven't I? I've gotten acceptable grades, treated my friends well, never had enemies. I would have a good afterlife, right?

The tarp finally loses the last of its integrity and flies into the air. The engine noise is even louder then the impromptu rock concert earlier this year. Eventually, it dies down. An American fighter plane was just sitting there, smugly looking at me, mocking me for my pitiful attempt to satisfy Suzumiya.

The cupola popped open and a familiar flash of orange hair stood out in the darkness. And there I was, looking for the first time at little Asahina.


	2. Strip

These days I can't help feel lethargic. The days are growing shorter and the weather is continuing to be cold. Thankfully, my parents assumed that I came home early without informing them. After a very long lecture they made me promise to tell them before I did that sort of thing again. I can't remember a time when my peaceful days were not interrupted by Haruhi.

Memory is a ephemeral thing. The mind remembers only the things it wants to and events are not thought in a chronological order. Even the most thoughtful of people won't have perfect memories. That's the reason why stories are so appealing is because it reads like a perfect memory, you can easily remember it because it only presents the most interesting bits rather then the boring parts of the story that must happen.

I woke up this morning and my sister was jumping on top of me. I grunted and tried to look as intimidating as possible with my eyes shut. She shrieked and promptly removed herself from my room.

"It's a school day, Kyon. You gotta get up!"

Oh, right. My uniform is still drying, so what should I do? I can't show up today without my uniform. I would look like a student from another school and everyone would look at me funny. I suppose that I can't show up to school today or go to the brigade. Of course, that would be too convenient...

**ring ring **

My house phone rang. Immediately, my sister jumped on the phone and started to babble. I ignored her for the moment and started to eat breakfast. The difference between a traditional Japanese breakfast and a Western one is a difference between extremes. I think that the only reason the Western one appeals to me is because it is a novelty, something unique, something different in the course of my day. Or it because with the globalization of the world the Western meal has been streamlined to become the cheapest and most tasty option that was easy to make for everyone.

I layered my eggs over the rice. I suppose that this would have to do for the morning.

"Oy, Kyon, it's for you."

If you speak on the phone for so long I would naturally assume it was for you. Why delay the conversation with meaningless chatter?

"Who is it?"

"Haruhi," my sister smiled at me. "She told me that she was mad at you."

Oh dear. For some reason or another she was mad at me. For no lack of trying I can't find a way to satisfy her. Is this the lifestyle of a henpecked husband? I picked up the phone.

"Why weren't you answering your cell phone, you idiot? I tried mailing you, calling you, I even had Nagato page the hotel you were supposed to be at. Where were you? Koizumi said that there was some sort of communication malfunction. Did the Americans torture you? Is that the reason you were unable to answer? Did you get any useful secrets from the base?"

If you'd give me a word in edgewise, then I would answer.

"It doesn't matter! The point is, I had to look for a long time to find your house phone. Who uses a land line in the modern world nowadays? Your number was unlisted so I hope you can appreciate the effort I put in to find it. What? Speak up!"

I think there is a reason that it was unlisted...

"You are definitely coming to school today, right? Despite having your fingernails pulled out and waterboarded, you are definitely coming to our meeting today, right? As our lowliest member you should be grateful for this opportunity to prove yourself to us."

I can't come. My uniform is ruined and it needs time to dry.

"What? You slob. Why can't you think ahead of time for once. I knew this would happen because you are so untrustworthy. I'll come over right now with a change of clothes. Don't wait up!

**click**

Great. She's coming over. What little dignity I had left is now gone. Am I really that meek, or is everyone meek compared to Hurricane Haruhi? She complains on how much work she did from the safety of her home when I'm risking my ass for nothing? Taniguchi is going to have a field day with this. He'll tell me that he knew it all along and no amount of denial will stop it now. He'll probably invent a new fetish name. How incredibly idiotic!

"I'm going, brother! Have a nice day!" The door slammed shut. I was alone in my house and she was coming. Should I run? Should I hide? No, she would probably catch me in the streets and force me to strip right there. If I hid, then it would be equally as bad. I swear, if I don't want to be found by her she can instantly find where I am. It is like I have some sort of GPS device on me. Wait, that isn't too far out there...

**ding dong**

It's her. Although I've already finished breakfast, I can probably excuse myself from opening it for a while because I could say that I was still eating. But if she gets impatient then she will knock down the door somehow. I don't know how, but she will. Shit! I'm still in my underwear! I better go change-

The door unlocked and Haruhi burst into the house. "Come on, Kyon, I've got this perfect cosplay costume for you to wear today, where are you- Eek! Get out get out get out!"

What! What are you doing? Let go of me!

It's really cold

Is it worth it? I ask myself this question all of the time. Even the worst people have traits that make them worthwhile to live with. Nagato is patient and always has something relevant to say. Mikuru is kind and makes good tea. Koizumi can be relied upon to have a strange philosophical position on almost anything. But Haruhi, she has no positive traits. All of the things she does is most definitely not worth the adventures I routinely find myself in.

Which is why on a cold morning like this I find myself almost naked and freezing. Really, she has some nerve. I am perfectly within my rights to dress in whatever I want in the privacy of my own home. She treats me like I'm the pervert in the situation. Why did she lock me out? If she thought me as a normal human being perhaps she would ignore me or consider my human frailty. What if my sister's friends see me? What if my neighbours see me? Oh the shame...

Haruhi popped out of my bedroom window. "Next time I graciously cover for your astonishing ineptitude, make sure that you are properly dressed to protect my delicate eyes. Honestly, it's getting pretty late and this costume is going to take some time to put on. Now come back in here!"

What do you mean? You locked me out. Don't you think that this is a little rude? You could have waited while I changed into something decent.

"I don't care! What if Mikuru saw you like that? She'd be obliged to marry you because you are so crude."

I'm pretty sure that if I explain my situation to the principal that he will excuse me for today and I can come to school in my proper clothes tomorrow. And besides, hasn't class already started?

"Schooling isn't very important in light of the special events I have planned for this afternoon! The door's unlocked now. Hurry up before I go out there and make you."

How did she unlock the door without coming down? But sure enough, it was unlocked. I walked back in with a little more appreciation for the warmth of my house. Haruhi was standing in the middle of the living room, her back to me and was carrying a large bag, presumably my humiliating costume. So far in our very short history only Haruhi and Asahina had dared to cosplay, other then that regrettable job she forced us to do a long time ago.

"I'm only doing this because you are my subordinate, not because of any other reason." She stared directly away from me.

"What is it?" I was genuinely interested. Chippendale's? A dogsuit? What kind of event is it for?

"It's a samurai costume! I'm thinking for this year our second film is going to be a historical drama about the forty-seven samurai, but we'll introduce a conspiracy theme with a rose motif, and we'll put in better special effects then last year with more blood and gore, and we'll make all of the samurai espers and the servants of the daimayo aliens, and a time-travelling nurse from the future is gonna-"

Has she ever heard of story composition? It sounds like she's trying to stuff every cool idea into the story like a little kid. Hopefully Tama won't start talking again.

"To make sure that you put it on correctly, I'm going to help you, well, not like that." She turned away from me again. "In order to make sure you don't get the wrong idea, you are going to wear a blindfold."

Why should I wear a blindfold? Shouldn't you, if anyone, wear it? Besides, I think that I can put it on by myself.

"Don't be ridiculous! Strip and put it on!"

What? Where does she get this crazy strength? Ah, stop it, stop it!

I believe that I have even more sympathy for poor Asahina. Haruhi has the strength of ten men. No, a thousand. I doubt even a nuclear bomb could stop her from grabbing Asahina with her hands. I feel a lot of material covering the entirety of my body. A mask has been crudely fixed onto my face and I think my authentic Tokagawa underclothes is on backwards. I grasp for the mask and I pull off my blindfold.

Surprisingly, she was wearing a blindfold too. Haruhi took hers off almost immediately after I did. She turned her head away from me. "So, is it a good fit?" she spoke in a normal voice.

You know, it's a sign of respect to look at the person you are talking to you in the eyes. It feels more like a conversation. No wonder she was manhandling me – she couldn't even see me at all, or clothe me even!

But it looked nice, I guess. The armour was surprisingly lightweight and the two swords at my waist were light. Compared to stage costumes, this feels extremely mobile. I would guess that this was incredibly expensive. I don't even want to know how in the world she would be able to get this. Would she steal a replica from a museum? I wouldn't doubt that.

"Yes, it does, but-" She cut me off as she walked towards the door.

"Next time come to school. Don't make me look for you. Later we'll all go and buy you a new cellphone. Well, I'm going. Try to keep up!"

Wait! Stop! How am I able to walk up the hill with this costume? Wait! Ah, she's long gone. Haruhi can skip school if she wanted and I have no doubt of her ability to get out of trouble, but how about me? What could be a possible explanation? "I got my uniform incredibly wet after bailing from a F-16 and I was forced into a Samurai costume? Even I wouldn't believe that.

I'd better get to school. If I hurry, I can arrive for my second class.

Thankfully noone was around to watch a walking anachronism go to school. The costume sure looked pretty, but it wasn't warm at all. After a while the costume actually made it colder, if it was possible.

This hill is designed to punish me. If only my parents were rich enough to buy a house up the hill, but land in this area is almost as expensive as Tokyo. The developers when they built the area were going for a American-style suburb, but after a long time and increasing need for more space, apartments and subdivisions are springing up everywhere. What I assumed would be a very nice-looking rows of houses are now hideous tumours growing upward. Why does Japan have to be so small?

School was uneventful. Everyone was interested in why I was dressed so funny. "The exhibition is a couple months away," Taniguchi smirked. "Are you getting whipped by Suzumiya? Are you a slave to her weirdness?"

Taniguchi, you are truely my best friend when you can mock my pain and I know you mean it. If I cared anymore I would say something, but I know you would mock me even more. I guess that I just have to take my karmic punishment. Fortunately, the teacher seems to have called in sick. The substitute was a nice old man and he was a lot more lenient then the usual teacher. The school passed without incident, save a few strange looks and a few compliments. I have got to say, this thing is cumbersome. Couldn't she have given me this costume after school and let me come in casual clothes? Sometimes this thing is a burden, especially when I have to eat.

Today I was the last to enter the clubroom. Koizumi was playing solitare, but today he seemed strangely... impatient. Impatient would be a good word to describe someone else, but for him it was inadequate. Machiavellian would be a better adjective. Nagato was reading _the Clouds _by Aristophanes. Asahina was busy making tea when she had one good look at me. She dropped the tray.

"You too?" A mixture of emotion traveled through her face. God, why did you have to give her a face that strike the deep darkness of her heart? She looks like she's gonna die from embarassment.

"I'm fine, Mikuru. Can you give me some tea? It's cold today." I sat down. The costume did not.

"All right, since Kyon is finally here, now we can start-" Haruhi was interrupted by a loud slam from the door opening.

"Kyon, on behalf of the honor of the Tsuruya Family, I ask of you to take up your responsibility!" Tsuruya rushed in and pointed a very-sharp looking katana in my direction.

Nagato blinked.


	3. Time travel and other things

You would expect a question like "How did you recognize her from such a distance?" and "How is this even possible?". Well, I don't have those answers for you. If I tried to answer them, I would fail to tell you anything of usefulness or relevance. One moment the room was deserted and the next a fighter plan piloted by Asahina Mikuru's past self appeared.

You know, if you considered our dubious adventures to be some sort of canon our escapades tend to stick directly in the mundane. Maybe Koizumi is right in several instances that our leader's common sense locks her into her – relatively – small view point. Only the finest strands of reality stand between her and the world.

That's actually a little scary, but it's a calming thought. Even though she's crazy enough to land me in trouble she has the decency to keep the entire world out of it.

Now I have the time to look, she is actually standing on top of the pilot's seat. Her unexpected shortness and her pouty look is triggering strange and entirely unwelcome feelings. Have you ever looked into a photo album of a girlfriend or a cousin and seen how cute they were when they were young compared to their beauty today? It is like the universe is trying to figure out what kind of pervert I am.

Contrary to what Taniguchi thinks, I am not a lover of small, weird, or even tall girls. I think that is a secret that I will keep to myself. But Asahina keeps her moe wherever she goes I cannot help but look-

Keep calm, Kyon. You are probably knee-deep into some sort of time loop. All you have to do is call Asahina and ask her about her past self.

_Doesn't that violate some sort of time traveling rule? _

Shut up, you.

I take out my faithful, reliable, definitely not-old cell phone and I call her. While holding the phone, I stare at the small Asahina. She was wearing some sort of weird-looking suitthat dragged hopelessly behind her, with a neon pink emblem on her front. She was extremely preoccupied with some sort of device that she was holding. I went in for a closer look.

It is a long time before someone picks up. "Koizumi here."

"Uh, hi. Shouldn't we be using our codenames?" I began to wonder if anyone actually cared about the whole name business.

"What she doesn't know can't hurt her." I can almost hear his fake smile over the phone. "Besides, the Organization is watching for wiretaps on our lines. Even in the unlikely event of foreign surveillance they would pick up nothing but typical teenager talk."

"Uh, right. Why didn't Mikuru pick up?"

"Suzumiya got bored and started to... play with her. I... came out. I was ordered to watch for communications from you. Shall I inform her?"

"No, no no!" I quickly stammered. "I need to talk to Mikuru. An issue came up that concerns her."

"And what is that?" His voice sounded much more serious.

"A younger Mikuru showed up in a F-16, and I need some assistance. Can you-"

And then the cell phone shorted out.

I was so focused on my call that I didn't notice that I was walking towards the fighter plane.

"Uh, excuse me sir," A very, very cute voice sounded out. "Are you the man I was supposed to deliver a message to?"

"I've met you before," I began to say, but she continued.

"Um. 'Have fun'. That didn't make much sense. Aunty must have some reason why she sent that. Oh well."

An alarm began to sound. A klaxon that had previously gone unnoticed in the background started to flash red.

"Oh no! That wasn't supposed to happen. I can't get caught in this time-frame! Uh, the **CLASSIFIED **is out of **CLASSIFIED. **Uh,I should have charged the **CLASSIFIED **before I left **CLASSIFIED **to **CLASSIFIED **and deliver the message. Oh no! You are still here! Get in!"

_Things really don't change, do they? Uh what - _

She jumped out and grabbed my hand. Such tiny hands. So cute...! Focus Kyon. Focus.

I clumsily climbed aboard.

"Um, put on that flightsuit over there." She pointed towards another, neon pink jumpsuit.

I am not the one for fashion, but this cannot stand. Why do I have to humilate myself time and time again? The suit even has little flowers on it! The Vikings considered pink to be a manly color. Why couldn't woman keep the entire spectrum of colors and leave blue and pink alone? Is that so hard to ask for nowadays? It fits surprisingly well for something that looks like it came from my sister's birthday parties.

" Um, get strapped in, please!" _Was she seriously going to fly this thing out of here? I have to give Mikuru a little more credit if she can actually- _

"Who goes there?" A American soldier was looking straight at us. "Put you hands in the air and step away from the aircraft!"

Young Mikuru sealed up the plane and started to perform some sort of startup procedure. Meanwhile I was stuck in the same cockpit as she was and there were so many dials and so many controls. The soldier was calling up some more of his friends and they were scrambling into the hanger. They all looked pretty angry at what Mikuru was doing.

Being inside the multi-million dollar death machine was less of a thrilling experience then I had expected. The sound inside was better, but the roar of the powerful engines still overwhelmed all of the other sounds. For a past – generation fighter it seemed new. The plastic smell that accompanies new cars hung around in the air. Mikuru seemed to be finished flipping switches and pushing buttons, and the hanger doors opened.

The engines roared and the F-16 motored out. All of the military personal looked shocked to see us. It was rather surreal watching their mouths drop like some cartoon. Speaking of cartoons, why is my current situation so appealing? I know that Asahina will definitely survive this situation because her future selves exist. Or if we screw up will it create several hundred alternate universes and cause more of what she calls 'timequakes'?

It's a conundrum until now I thought was unknowable. Is Fujiwara correct in his offensive attitude, looking down on my predestination? His existence implies the continual nature of time. Another piece of evidence was that we haven't encountered any sort of slider or dimensional traveller in the time I've known Haruhi. However, if the universe split into infinite universes in the beginning in one cataclysmic event, you could assume that all of these infinite universes have their own casual relativity within their own area of time space. But you still don't get any answers...

The near infinite size of our universe also posits the existence of aliens. Two alien organizations from beyond this galaxy have made themselves known; who knows what others hide in the shadows or haven't developed faster-then light travel. You could extrapolate and say in infinite universes, no matter how unlikely a slider is to exist, he or she will exist in a small fraction of infinite universes, which is a extremely large sum. Since there are a infinite amount of sliders for a infinite amount of universes, you could say that they are taking their sweet time to entertain Haruhi.

None of this is distracting me from little Asahina. She reminds me of both my little sister, and Asahina big and regular. Seeing what she will become and what she is now- it is too much. She is too cute.

The plane picks up and battle chatter blasts out of the speaker. "Charlie-4, a pilot have taken a old F-16 and are in transit into the general Okinawa airspace. Is this authorized?"

"I don't know, but reports from our eyes on the ground say that they spotted a Japanese man and a vibrant redhead entering the fighter. Command, what should we do?"  
"Charlie-4, scramble the F-22s and attempt radio contact with occupants of the unidentified F-16."

I reached for the speaker but little Asahina pulled my hand away. "Don't! We can't make contact with these people at this timeframe! We have to maintain silence!" Damn it. What kind of sadist from the future would train a little girl in flying planes? The future must be a crazy place to live in.

"The unidentified aircraft has not responded and has started to take off. Command, do we have authorization to fire live rounds?"

"Charlie-4, follow the target outside of Okinawan airspace and if no contact is established, you have permission to bring the bogie down. Command awaits your next sitrep. Over and out."

Asahina pulled up on the stick and my stomach hit the floor.

_Back at the base..._

At the American base, a familiar yet not familiar green-haired person was sleeping contently in her bunk. She was dreaming of ocean waves, sunny skies and large wheels of smoked cheese.

"_Have you heard of the great taste of smoked cheese?" She asked a mysterious, shadowy man. _

"_No." The shadowy man answered. _

**Nyoro~n**...

She was sleeping quietly until klaxons sounded around the base. Immediately deserting the shadowy man and his constant negativity to her questions, she jumped directly into her boots, brushed her teeth and flossed twice, suited up and sprinted to Charlie-4.

"Airman Tsuruya, reporting for duty, SIR!" She remember that her little sister told her that smiling at work improved ones chances at getting a promotion. She tried that for a while now but everyone seemed to avoid her. Strange. After taking this holiday overtime perhaps she will be looked at favorably at the next round of employee evaluations.

"Listen up, Airman Tsuruya!" A shadowy man known as Charlie-4 barked at her. The office was really dark – those old halogen lightbulbs hadn't been replaced since the end of the occupation. "You were the only one willing to work triple overtime during the holiday on Christmas Eve, so you are the only one capable of doing this task! Here are the details:"

The older woman known as Tsuruya beamed. Finally her smiling was getting her somewhere. She'd hope that her little sister would forgive her not being home in time for Christmas. Finally she would be getting somewhere in her career! Pretty soon she would become Airman First Class, then a staff sergeant, then finally Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force! She remembered from her foreign history studies that if you become a chief of the military, you become the president of that country as well. She was pretty sure that was the case.

"A Japanese man and his redhaired co-conspirator have taken one of the old F-16's assigned to this base. Your job is to track down these terrorists and once outside of the city you are to take them down. Do you understand, Airman Tsuruya?"

"Yes." (Keep in mind that she actually said that in English.)

"Good! Your bird is is ready to fly. Go get the F-16 back. And Airman?"

"Yes?"

"Can you stop smiling all the time? It's disturbing the other recruits."

"Yes!" She breathed in a deep breath and leaped into the air, running as fast as she could to catch those terrorists. Her horoscope said that today would be full of surprises and oh boy, it was!

_Back in the air... _

Do you remember riding a passenger airplane when you were younger? The feeling of the plane moving, the shrinking of your home to small dots on the horizon? Large mountains and clouds fleeing from you because of you might? That feeling was magnified a hundredfold in here. Little Asahina handled this thing like a pro. The lights of Okinawa that shutout the night sky was fading into the distance. Throughout the entire thing she hadn't said a word to me. The only was the sound of the wind shrieking by the plane in the background. After a long, uncomfortable silence she looked at me in the eyes.

"When you said you know me, how so? I would have remembered such a nice big brother." She looked at me with such conviction that for a moment I was unsure if this was Asahina at all. In the future she would behave so meek with Haruhi and later yet she would guide me throughout my travels in time. I could give anything to see her grow up to have this strength of will that I lack and she has in spades. To see this curve in her confidence is atonishing. But with or without my assistance I'm sure she'll develop into that older Asahina someday. I could cry right now, because the power to see a person's life in anachronic

But I don't, since crying in front of a 9-year old would be silly. Instead, I answer:

I'm sorry, you just reminded me of someone I know.

She visibly relaxed. "Okay, but you are still a very nice person and I am glad to meet you today. My name is Asahina Mikuru, secret agent of **CLASSIFIED**. Oh no! I was so happy to meet you that I got too energetic! Please, big brother, if you could just forget what I just said..."

Some things really don't change, do they?

" Anyways, the CLASSIFIED is fully charged, so a CLASSIFIED is ready. Can you look away, please?"

I oblige her. Arguing with her wasn't going to solve anything.

"You do know how do drive this thing, right? It's a vehicle from this era, so I'm sure you are able to pilot this antique."

Huh? You are making a mistake! Come back...My voice trails off as she disappears in a flash of light. Great. I've flown planes in simulators but I've never been actually good at them. Those victims at the computer club were good, and so was Kunikida. I wish I spent more time on those programs rather then wasting time on something. What? I don't remember.

I pull the stick up and try to keep the plane level as I try to figure out what to do. My bag! There must be something useful in there. Old papers, pencils, study notes from Haruhi, my broken cell phone – aha! My laptop computer. Nagato installed a failsafe inside just before I left. The power's not too low – just enough, I think. Typing like this is awkward

Kyon i am in in the air can you read me?

Yuki Yes.

Kyon ayounger mikurru showed up righnow ina plane

Kyon she left me rher e and nowi eing chased

Yuki Assistance?

Kyon y

Yuki Permission required.

Kyon are you still sick

Yuki I am capable.

I was interrupted by a sudden, energetic squeal from the speaker.

"Attention terrorist! If you would kindly pull over we can have a nice chat! I promise I won't hurt you..." Strange. That sounded a awful lot like Tsuruya.


	4. Mysterious Case!

Mysterious Case! 

If the world was any more unfair I would guess that it was out to get me. But a disturbing parity of risk has arisen from my daily affairs, no matter how horrible the situation gets I can be reassured that everything will be alright. But what if this is only a high point in my life, my high school years that mysterious groups respect? When I graduate, when Haruhi is confronted by the real world, will she change the world to make time timeless and keep us in high school forever? Will those mysterious groups respect the balance of risk or the status quo as it is, or disrupt the cycle to gather better information?

The past week has been extremely tiring for me – dealing with the Tsuruyas and stopping Haruhi from leaving the country has taken the entirety of my youthful energy. If Haruhi keeps on doing this I'll die. I I will be a Karōshi case, my heart will burst and she'll dance on my grave, thinking that I kept some treasure from her in my coffin.

Today was a very nice Sunday, with the weather improving all round people are starting to come out again. My uniform was finally dry, so I didn't have to wear that damn suit of armor. My parents were out somewhere and my sister was playing with her friends so I had the entire house to myself today.

Yesterday I spoke to Nagato about her improving condition, but she was strangely silent. Were all of the interfaces so alien, even in the forms I was comfortable with were extremely strange. She was becoming even more quiet nowadays. She only spoke to me on the computer two days ago, and even then she kept her words to a minimum.

Is it like translating from one language to another, then to one that has a completely different script, and then back again? Some meaning must be lost along the way. It feels strangely comforting that in between these two data entities, humanity is the common link in between. Science fiction that I've read mostly deals with either with overwhelming first contact or a intergalactic community that communicates with humanity. Humanity must have a commonality with both of these species otherwise they would cut out the middleman altogether.

What is the nature of these interfaces? Are they vat-grown human flesh over mechanics, like terminators who are completely autonomous? Unlikely. They demonstrate abilities far beyond simple physical modification. You could say that they are slaved drones controlled by multiple individuals and the person who actually controls the drone could be light-years away. That would fit their behaviour of treating the interfaces like tools, rather then aliens.

Nagato is deficient in human knowledge for a reason, I think. The humanity that Haruhi despises so much is completely absent in her. Other interfaces from the same faction are much more believable people. I would suppose that if the other interfaces tried to make friends with Haruhi would be found lacking and ejected from her club as soon possible. Whatever faction Nagato belongs to must have a insight into her psyche. But how?

All of these questions swirled around my head as I lay in my bed. Descartes said, whilest in bed as well, "I think, therefore I am." Would a human interface be any different? Being much faster then modern day computers they would think in hundreds of trillions of calculations per second. But what is 'am" for them? For me, 'am' refers to my existence and my human condition. For them, this 'am' is undefined. Does this change for them as they absorb data from their enviroment?

My ruminations, however, were again interrupted by a doorbell.

Is it Haruhi? No, if it was, she would mash the button and yell into my window. It can't be Nagato, since she's sick. It can't be Mikuru, because she said she would be doing something this afternoon. If it's Koizumi, then I'm going to punch him in the face for interrupting my sleep. I hope it isn't Koizumi. I really do. If he's here then that means something is wrong with Haruhi again and I can kiss my peaceful day off goodbye. I have homework to do, unlike you who magically gets good grades with a smirk and a smile.

Well, I better get dressed. If Haruhi is being sneaky she won't catch me with my pants down. I quickly changed into something that Mikuru got me – a light green shirt with a long, dark jeans and I opened the door. Suou Kuyoh was in her school uniform with a very neutral-looking look on her face. She barged in.

Speak of the devil! "Uh, hello, why are you here?" She ignored me. It seems nowadays no one considers my opinion when it comes to anything. It's been the third time my house has been invaded. If my parents ever caught me at home with a stranger, they'd never leave the house again. Are these people manipulating my circumstances so that I'll be alone with no one to defend me? It is eerie how these people show up at these sort of times.

She sat down at the corner of my couch and stared into the television. It was off. Was she waiting for me to do something? What? She was a member of Sasaki's faction, so she must have something for me to do. I'd thought that I had explained my position on the matter quite clearly, so she must be here for something relating to Nagato's illness. At least, I hoped. The last time a strange interface cornered me all alone I nearly died.

But first, I need to make something to eat. I turned on the television to a documentary channel and left it on for her to watch. I left the living room and entered the kitchen. Rats. Nothing to eat. Do I really sleep in that much in the morning? Come to think of it, its almost noon already and Haruhi hasn't called me yet for a penalty. Odd. Usually I'm rudely awakened by her calls. Today was truely a strange day.

I'm not a very good chef so I scraped at the bottom of the rice cooker and looked for something to reheat in the refrigerator. Alas, since my family is very conscientious when it comes to food. There were no leftovers for me to eat. I could go out and eat, but then I would leave my house alone with a (hostile?) alien. I really need to go shopping.

No instant ramen, no candy, no nothing – ugh, a durian! Dad, I know you like that smelly fruit but why did you have to bring it home? It is a offense to the senses. If you bring one into a large building it smells like a gas leak. You can't even have a filling meal with it – it's useless as food. I'll guess that rice with soy sauce has to do until my parents get home.

The documentary was about the second 'Lost Decade' in Japan. The reporter seemed quite energetic, like he was fresh from the universities. That wouldn't last very long. He was interviewing a bunch of NEETs who lived in those net cafes. They looked so old and fat that they seemed like another alienj race. I think that those NEETs would have devoured the reporter alive just to get his job.

"Parasympathy_network." She spoke up after a long time. "Bending_time_neurons."

What? What does that even mean?

"Sheath_between." She looked at me straight in the eyes. If there was any emotion, I'm not sure there was any. "_Query?"

I'm not sure what you are talking about. Are you talking about Nagato? 

"Not_need_her. Vitality_oracle."

What? She said something like that about me as well, earlier.

"Visualizing_minor_red. Needing_you_see?"

I can see you. I don't know why, but I can.

"Is_feeling. You_meme_improbable."

The rice was cold and nasty, even with the soy sauce. Want to go eat somewhere, since you are here?

"_probability."

I'll take that as a yes.

A date

I have never noticed this before, but her gait was extremely strange. She would walk a step, hesitate for a brief moment, then step diagonally like a knight from chess. She walked like two legs was awkward or it was a conscious decision on her part. I've seen walking like this on robots on television, but never on a actual person.

How did the aliens even know how humans walked? A even bigger question is how did they know who was dominant species on this planet. According to Nagato, Haruhi was spewing out lots and lots of data , but she could as easily been any sort of animal on this planet. I think that she would prefer to be any sort of exotic creature then a human being.

There is a probable point where a interface is created where it learns as much as it can. And depending on its motivational directive (for Nagato it would be "observe", definitely, and for Asakura it would be "change") would allow only certain data to be expressed, like genes on DNA. For a observational unit, speech and empathy emulation would be superfluous. For a changing unit, relative morality and restraint aren't very high priorities. Does that imply a limit to these aliens? 

Do they have to over-specialize their interfaces because they are incapable of creating a general-purpose unit, or is the data collected on earth simply insufficient to create it in the first place? I heard a saying somewhere that "Sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic." From my perspective, manipulating data like Nagato does is miracle-working, but for her it is extremely mundane.

All cultures have legends and myths to explain the things that they don't know, so the secret to auto-evolution must have some alien version of religion as well. Not religion to us human beings, of course. Religion for them must be a very convincing hypothesis that lacks enough evidence to be proven.

Suou spoke up. "Apologies_Aggregated_Particle_Collective_Representative_is_blocking_the_waves_of_light_with_particle_based_wave_upshifting" It sounded like her, but she was using my voice to speak. It was a intensely creepy effect.

I don't know your motives. Even after explaining what you did, I still don't trust you. Why should I, after that incident at the airport?

"Regrettable_but_Apologies"

You can stop saying sorry. It's just that with you around, Haruhi is reminded of Sasaki, and when that happens...

"Localized_location_distortion"

Yes, exactly that. You already heard my answer to your suggestion. Why are you here?

"I_Cloud_Canopy_Desire_for_secrets_of_eternal_positive_feedback"

It's really horrifying to hear my own voice coming from you. I'll feel more comfortable if you used a more normal tone of voice. 

"As_I_desire." Her voice returned to a girl's monotone.

I was so absorbed into the conversation that I neglected to notice how far we went. I don't know where we are, even. Did I take a wrong turn somewhere? All of a sudden it's nighttime. Where are we?

"37 23.516 - 122 02.625"

In human terms, where is that?

"Martyr's_City_Jose"

I really don't think that's in Japan. Where are we, politically?

"The_aggregated_unified_individuals_of_America"

Oh crap.

Hello America

"Your_mind_motive_I_saw_reflect_thoughts_of_here" She looked at me, and I thought I saw a hint of curiosity. "Query" 

That was earlier. This is the airport that Haruhi was to arrive at. You were trying to do something to Haruhi, and I stopped you.

"Crucial_spacetime_I_halted_procedure" She stopped the simulation of blinking and stared me down.

What? But why? I saw you hesitate – and if you did, you would have succeeded. Why?

"We_I_saw_secrets_of_eternal_positive_feedback_control" She looked up and down of me.

I don't get it. What's the big secret that made you take me across the Pacific ocean?

For a moment, I thought that her cheeks slightly moved.

"Fool. Sufficient_secrets_have_been_collected_you_desire_carbohydrates"

Well, I am hungry. But I don't have any American dollars on me.

"Bending_light_drones_will_think_fiat_is_exchanged."

So I can buy food without money?

"Assurance"

For the remainder of time she didn't speak a word to me. I walked into a fast food restaurant and with my limited English managed to buy a burger for myself. For the love of god, do Americans have everything this big? It seems like a meal for two people. She didn't profess any interest in eating and stared at me consuming the mammoth burger.

I finished my meal bloated. I had leftovers too! I think that America likes everything big. This restaurant is twice as big as its counterparts in Japan. Is everything big here? I don't think that Haruhi would be disappointed with this place. The weather is so warm and I bet that if you wanted to you could buy a house that isn't downhill of the school that you are going to.

But since I'm here, I should get a souvenir for Haruhi. If I'm guessing the time difference right she should be at my house just about now. If she breaks in – I should expect it from her. I won't get mad, I'll just bottle it in like I always do. It's not healthy, but if I tell her how inconsiderate she is the world will end.

Hey, Suou, can I get something for Haruhi? 

She didn't answer. I went over to the other side of the street and purchased some choice items for her that I'm sure she'll appreciate. Maybe this time she won't give me a penalty. Maybe.

When I exited the store I bumped head first into Koizumi. He looked strangely stressed. Did Haruhi do something strange?

"Where were you, Kyon? The tails we had on you reported that you exited your home with a strange girl and disappeared into thin air. What happened?"

I went on a walk with Suou Kuyoh. Is that strange?

"You do remember that she was one of the masterminds that tried to destabilize Suzumiya earlier, correct? Why would you knowingly associate with such a person?"

She had something to say to me, like you did, and she said it. Don't worry, Koizumi, I don't think that Haruhi will get too worried. She was decent enough to take me to a discreet location to talk about it."

"But where, Kyon, where? My entire organization doesn't know where Suou Kuyoh took you. It has connections everywhere on the planet and it still couldn't find you."

I can't really explain. If you really need to know, then ask Suou yourself.

"Well, I suppose..." Koizumi started to talk on his cell phone for a while. I looked back. It was my house. Did she teleport me to my house, or whatever mechanism she used must have done the trick. The sun was still shining above me, its light undimeed by the cold weather. It was still noon.

Koizumi looked a bit more relaxed when he stopped talking to his superiors. "I've been told that whatever you did, it was solved. Don't leave with strangers without informing me, alright? You gave me a scare there."

Does he actually care about me or is he putting up a false front to get my empathy? Whatever he is doing, it isn't working. I steadfastly refuse to give any empathy to him whatsoever. If he wants to spy on me then he better give his best damn effort when he does.

"Anyways, Kyon, Haruhi just texted me fifteen minutes ago. We're going shopping for your new cell phone at Akibara.

What! Isn't that a little far?

"Well, she wants to. She want you to come along because she says that she knows you have nothing to do this Sunday and you aren't doing you homework either. And she'll give you a triple penalty if you don't come."

Great. How does she know all this. I do my homework, its just that no one else sees me do it. The triple penalty is a new thing. I don't want to find out what it is. I'd better go with Koizumi.

Meanwhile, at the (other) airfield

"Yes, yes I know. We spotted him walking around by himself and he visited a McDonalds. Yes, he was by himself. He bought several gifts, including a American Flag. No, we do not know what happened to him after he exited the mall. Yes, I understand. Say hello to my cousins, will you? Ok, goodbye.

The man put down the phone. On his desk was a bronze faceplate that read MASTER SERGEANT TSURUYA.

"That man. Was he the one who fought my cousin? He will be one to watch more closely..."


	5. Entering Empty Space

Entering Empty Space

For a second, there was nothing. Then there was something. I am floating in what I think is a alternate space, but different. This seems more off. It's not a perfect simulation of another world. She isn't trying to create another world, that's for sure. Has Koizumi's organization catalogued all the kinds of closed space? After a moment, I flip around and I see a giant rose.

I don't know what the heck that thing is supposed to resemble. It seems so beautiful, yet so dead, like a preserved corpse. Haruhi's mindscape has changed since the last time I entered it. There is no school, no echoes of any past life here. There are no giants, no entities of destruction. It seems that I am the only one left alive in this space.

The way Haruhi looked at me when we were taking care of Nagato was off. I didn't recognize it then, but I do now. When I was looking for a cure she took it as a betrayal because I talked to Sasaki's group. Well, that was foolish of her. If she took it so bad, then she should have brought it up with me like she usually does. I think that it's actually comforting when she hits me head-on with her demands rather then bottle it up like this.

She is so much trouble. Hasn't she ever heard of taking care of her frustrations the normal way?

The rose petals contain little memories vanishing into thin air. I can see the brigade during her happy moments evaporating into a mist. This was incredibly strange – and this time I had no help from either Koizumi or Nagato. This habit of hers of destroying the world when she gets upset is annoying. Why do I have to clean up after her whenever she gets sad. It's not like she likes me very much – always making me work and dragging me out at odd hours. Why do I have to clean up her emotional baggage?

These world shattering events happen way too often for my liking. She makes a mess out of things and I, despite having no powers of my own and being the least capable person on the planet, have to empathize with a sleeping god into ending her tantrums. If the world ends then I won't be around to complain about it. No more playing charades, no more appeasement, no more suffering.

But then again, I remember that I am not a person to let the world pass me by. I enjoy the little things that she forgets to remember, like the warmth of tea on a cold day. The pleasure of being with friends. The excitement of the known. My friends, who I like for each and every quirk they have. Yes, you too Koizumi. For this reason I labour each and every day to make the world a more, if not exciting, a happy place.

So let me in! I don't have any time to waste! For the sake of everyone I have to speak with you!

The rose stopped wilting for a moment. Inside the rose there was glow that illuminated the entire world, a light that filled the entirety of the empty space. The light folded inwards, then outwards. Then I was pulled in.

Grief

This was my house. Why would my house be such a prominent place here? I looked out of the window. Nothing but empty space filled with darkness. My house seemed less colorful, even by my standards. It was like the color was being bleached out of everything. For all intents and purposes it looked like that there was nothing in this space but this.

Suddenly, then I heard a quiet weeping coming from everywhere. It was a sound that was filled with longing, despair and it felt worse then Fujiwara ever made me feel. I looked throughout the entire house. Nothing. Wherever this sound was coming from, it wasn't anywhere in the the house. Last time I came here she was happy to see me. But now she doesn't show herself? Be consistent, woman.

Ah, my laptop! Hopefully I can contact someone, anyone that could help me. I tried to turn it on but the battery was missing. Why? Is she intentionally blocking my fail safe with Nagato? If Koizumi could contact me he would have by now. I don't see a way for Asahina to help. No, its too soon to give up hope yet. I need to stay focused.

If anywhere, where should she be? Think, Kyon, think! The only place I haven't checked! I've searched the first floor and all of the bedrooms. I've looked outside and there is nothing. Where have I not seen?

The roof! I have to check the roof! I ran up the stairs and I climbed out of my bedroom window. Damn, it is slippery! I pulled my self up and collapsed, exhausted on the roof. After a while I stood up and I saw Haruhi, staring at the sky.

"So you're here." She spoke in a low voice. "I thought I see you before I went."

I paused for a moment. She could be either aware of her reality shaping powers (terrifying), or she was talking about her trip to America. I decided to go with a ambiguous answer. Why didn't you tell all of us at the Brigade?

"When I was younger my mother would tell me stories. She would tell me stories about the Monkey King and the Peach Boy and many other tales. But when she finished every story I remember asking every time 'What happened next?' She would smile at me and she would tell me that the characters would have more adventures and she would tell me to sleep.

When I re-read them as I grew older I knew that all stories had a definite end. My mother was simply trying to satisfy my curiosity. Whenever I finished a good story I would always wish that the author had written more and tell me more about the people he created that seemed so vivid and interesting in my imagination.

But the Brigade is my story, and I don't want it to end. I want it to continue on forever. Even if it doesn't spread across the world, even then I want it to continue. But you are a constant reminder of the dullness of my story. You seem disinterested in the things that I try to make more interesting. What's the point in continuing a story that isn't entertaining for even one person.

I manage to awe everyone else but you. Why can't you just, just... pay attention like everyone else! Everyone plays their part, it's just you that sticks out. I'm beginning to believe that you just don't care. Visiting Sasaki while Yuki is sick... Does the Brigade mean anything to you!"

Haruhi looked at me, blushing. For the first time I didn't have anything to say, or think. Her frank statements combined with her lack of energy was extremely scary.

"I'm dreaming all of this, aren't I? You aren't answering because you aren't the real Kyon. You're just a figment of my imagination." She looked away. "I'm leaving tomorrow, for what it's worth. I never got to say..." She trailed off.

For the longest time, for what seemed like an age, there was silence. We stared at the starless sky for aeons unknown, waiting for the starlit lovers to return, but they didn't.

I had to say something. I had to. But what?

It's true. I guess that what you could call me something like that.

"So it's true! You really do hate me! All that time, your fake interest, you thought nothing of -"

I wasn't finished. Every time we do something, no matter what we do is precious. Not just for you, but for everyone. I too, wish for the story never to end. Reality doesn't mean that the story ends. If you think about it, all stories describe reality in a way the author means it. If the author falters, so does the story. But that doesn't ever mean the story is dead. I never thought you'd ever despair or run out of energy, but you seem so depressed you can't see the big picture!

The story continues on for each and every person that sees us do wonderful things. You think we haven't changed anyone's life with this club? Even if they only saw us, a brief glimpse of us then they will have hope for something new, something wonderful. They'll come to expect future adventures from us and every time we do, they'll cheer in their hearts.

And you'd think I would forget you as soon as you left? Of course not. You are the most interesting girl I have ever met. You won't be a background person passing by – you'll always remind me of the most interesting parts of life – parts that you have livened up by just being there. Even if you are only interested in interested in special people doesn't mean that only special people are interested in you. You think I would prefer a normal life? If I was put into an alternate world where you didn't exist, I would try with all my power to get back to you. No matter what obstacle gets in my way.

"Then why-why'd you go to-"

Is your opinion of me that low? I like the Brigade. I like the people in the Brigade. And when Nagato got sick, I tried everything in my power to help out a fellow member, even if I'm the lowliest person within. I have pride in what I do, no matter what other people say. When people ask why I hang out with such a eccentric person, I can answer honestly that I don't care what they say. I don't care what they think. My association with you is something precious to me. For as long as you lead us, I can believe that you'll take us to somewhere interesting.

Haruhi looked at me, shocked. Then she looked towards the sky.

"Kyon, remember those wishes we made on Tanbata? Can I make a wish that I can share only with you?"

Yes. I'll be glad to hear it.

"When we part, we'll continue the story wherever you go, ok? No matter what happens, you will always remember me?" She looked at me and I had this feeling that I had never had before. It was dangerous, and I knew it was. It was a risk I had to take.

I promise you that. I'll always remember you, and when you come back it'd be like you never left.

She looked happy. For a brief moment she was happy. And then her eyes flashed.

"Look at the sky, Kyon! It's full of stars!"

The sky was now filled with the brightest stars that I had ever seen. Normally the city's lights and musk concealed their light, but now they were gleaming like gems in the sky. They were getting brighter and brighter.

"I'm glad that you came again," Haruhi said. "Whenever I feel down, whenever I feel melancholic you show up and cheer me up. I guess that I'm waking up right now. I really wish that the real Kyon was as nice as you." The stars illuminated the entire space. The house was gone and I was standing right next to her.

"So, see you!" Right then she kissed me straight on the lips. I have to say, being the surprise recipient of a kiss is much more startling then it appears. Perhaps that's the reason why it worked the first time around. I think that I was being a little too forward...

She let go and promptly disappeared. What the heck did she mean, "real Kyon"? I'm just behaving as nice in here as out there. What the hell was she talking about? I still can't understand her. The realm is getting smaller and smaller. Is it because she left? Crazy genki girl. Doesn't even have the courtesy to leave me a exit.

The space became infinitely large and infinitely small, glowing with light, and with a giggle the light went off.

Kyouko Tachibana

"I rescued you, you know. She's just so unstable." I woke up in a small chair. Orange hair? Is that Asahina? It wasn't. I opened my eyes a crack. No, it isn't. My wrists ache. For what reason I don't... Oh. I'm all tied up.

"Are you really so dependant on her? I wish that I could command such loyalty. Are you her personal lap-dog, that comforts her whenever life gets too hard? I really can't understand why you continue to support that kind of person." Kyouko looked frizzy. She looked extremely stressed.

That's the reason you'll never understand Haruhi Suzumiya. I looked up. As I said, even if Sasaki was more stable, I prefer my world to have a little excitement now and again.

"You just don't understand, do you? Perhaps I should crush you like a grape, right now. We are in closed space, you know. I could kill you with a thought and it would send Haruhi into such a state that we could easily transfer her powers."

You wouldn't dare. Even your allies wouldn't support you.

"True, true. I guess that you know me even more then I realized. Did I reveal too much of my hand? Ah, forget about it. That's all in the past now. All I have to do is keep you here until all of the factions decide to transfer the powers. No more kidnapping, no more mess."

Isn't this another form of kidnapping? Aren't you just keeping me prisoner?

"No!" she snapped. "I didn't mean to- what I mean is-" she stopped. She looked down. "All I'm trying to do is make sure none of my brothers and sisters have to fight. Ever again. We espers can't fight the war against the giants forever. You don't know the feeling of watching friends and family going off to die for a pointless war. You wouldn't understand."

Understand what?

"I have nothing more to say to you."

And then she jumped past a barrier and disappeared.


	6. The Fight

The Fight

"Kyon..." Asahina sounded disappointed.

"What? Kyon, what did you do?" Haruhi looked furiously at me.

"I have to say, Kyon, that this was completely unexpected." Koizumi gave me a sly glance.

Hey, I didn't do anything to her. Whatever crime you are trying to pin on me I reject.

"Kyon! Did you take this girl's virtue while you were on vacation? Was that the reason why you didn't answer your phone! Penalty! Double penalty! Infinite penalty!" Haruhi looked pretty angry. Tsuruya, don't come in bursting with such ambiguous statements!

"You have a sword? If you won't take responsibility, then I will have to duel you on behalf of my family. Honor demands it." Tsuruya pouted. The sharpness of the katana was such I could hear a audible sound coming off it. Seriously, who keeps swords like that nowadays? And with a kimono on – what kind of stunt is she pulling? Police! Police!

"Kyon, answer me! What did you do to poor Tsuruya?" Any positive feeling from earlier had vanished and was replaced by her full-on hostility.

"In five minutes. The courtyard. Do not be late." And like that she dashed out. Odd. Usually she

wouldn't be so brief. This must be serious.

"Kyon! What sort of trouble have you got into now? Haven't you considered the effect this will have on the SOS brigade's reputation?"

I think that whatever reputation we might have had was destroyed on the first day.

"Silence! That samurai costume I got for you. Hmm. We might get a early start on filming. Wait a moment! Let me get a camera." Haruhi dashed out.

A moment of brief, blissful quiet was given before Koizumi interrupted. "Kyon, if you are going to do that sort of thing at least keep it quiet. You know how temperamental she is."

First of all, nothing of the sort happened. Secondly, you haven't given me a chance to speak.

Nagato spoke up. "The duel that you will be participating in will commence in three minutes and forty-three seconds. It is advised that you prepare with the equipment that Suzumiya has given you."

How should I prepare? I don't know anything about swords. I'm not exactly Miyamoto Musashi here, am I?

"Data processing time to teach you how to fight with sufficient skill is longer then the remaining time."

Can't you give the sword the homing capability? Like you did with the bat?

Nagato blinked. "My capability is diminished temporarily due to the cure you negotiated with the Canopy Dominion. I am sorry."

So you can't do it?

"I did not say so. Keep in mind that you will be fighting with your own skill for the immediate future."

It galls me to see her like this. It's not really her fault. It's those monsters that pretend at humanity that are responsible for her condition. Coming from me, it is easier to blame those damn interfaces then the aliens themselves. I can actually visualize them and the hatred comes quicker.

Haruhi burst in with a camera in her arms. "All right Kyon, you are in luck! Since your mistakes are so fortuitous to my plans that I will waive the penalties that I have given to you in this situation if you agree to my conditions."

What conditions? Isn't public dueling illegal ever since the Meiji?

"You don't understand! I wouldn't expect a honorless dog like you to understand a traditional family, like Tsuruya's, sense of honor! Here, read the script. If you would only acknowledge the child and marry her we can skip the dueling scene! That would work well in a romance movie..." She went into full-time fantasizing mode.

Who gave you that sort of idea? How did you get the script completed so fast? I've told you many times that I didn't touch her, in any way! At all! Does anyone believe me?

"Kyon, you are so in denial, but I have always suspected that one day your lusts would overtake you and you would take some innocent woman and ravish her! She's only doing the right thing. Now let's go! You have a date with destiny!"

Like a captured warchief being paraded for Caesar's pleasure, I was pushed forward by my classmates into the courtyard. Like a prisoner on death row I walked to my doom. Is this how I'm going to die? A standing ovation by my peers? The rumors are never going to die. I think that even the companies hiring out of high school will hear about the adulterer known as Kyon. I might as well commit suicide right here, right now. At least it will be cleaner.

"Hey Kyon," Taniguchi emerged from the crowd. "Got lucky, huh? And with a A-, too. Too bad that she's gonna kill you. Was she good, at least? Was it worth it?"

I'm not even going to answer that, Taniguchi. Let's just get this over with.

"Whoa! She must have been a tiger in bed. You know, those traditional woman – so repressed, and yet so firy!" Taniguchi looked at me with respect. "You did it even when you had the entire club of A+ women. Lucky bastard."

What do you mean by lucky? You don't believe me either, Kunikida?

"I'm sorry Kyon, I would like to, but the evidence is too compelling. Why would Tsuruya all of a sudden show up in a kimono and assault you with a sword? I thought that only happened in eroge and harem animes."

Is my life that predictable? I'm beginning to regret not letting Haruhi go to America. At least I wouldn't be facing my death as soon. Even the teachers came out to watch. What is this, a delinquent school? Don't they have a responsibility to stop this sort of thing?

"Hey, Kyon! I managed to convince the principal that we are going to be filming this for a future project, so we'll have no interruptions. Do your best! I believe in you!"

Great. For the second time in a week, I'm going to die.

Infinite Mortality

It's not the fact that I'm in these situations that scare me. It's her belief that I'm competent enough to do all of these things is frightening. For all intents and purposes I should be a regular human being. It is a fluke or a freak of nature that has allowed me to stay functional this far. Should I be depressed?

Oh gods, I think that she actually wants to kill me. She looks exactly like Asakura did before she attempted to stab me. Is she a interface too? I hope not. Well, time to face facts.

"Kyon..." Tsuruya started to speak in a dramatic tone. Sheesh, are you trying to rile up the audience even more? "You'll pay for what you did to my older sister!"

Muttered gasps reverberated throughout the entire courtyard. I could see Haruhi squeeing in delight and Asahina wasn't even looking at me. I still don't know what you are talking about! Why did you have to say it in such a way that it can be misinterpreted? Couldn't you have talked to me more discretely? Kunikida was right. My life is now a comedy for Haruhi's amusement. I shifted my weight in the armour. Hopefully it'd block the worst of the blows. Your sister fought well, but not well enough.

"I'd known you say something like that! Draw your sword and face me, or are you afraid of a woman?"

Is that even a taunt in the modern age? Of course I'm afraid of you. Who wouldn't?

I drew one of my sword. It was surprisingly light, and it looked deadly enough.

"Tsuruya Style Blade Technique: Instant Decapitation!"

Wait – what? Who announces their attacks like that with such a long name? I raised the blade to block. Her blade cut through mine like butter and hit me directly on the helmet. Both flew off into the audience. Half of my blade falls to the ground. What the crap? Isn't this stuff supposed to be authentic?

"Oy, Kyon, the costume I got for you isn't exactly authentic. You see, I had to make it less heavy to bring it to your house so I got rid of all the reinforcing ceramic. Be more careful! The prop swords aren't cheap either. You'll pay for each and every piece of that costume!" Haruhi managed to shout above the clamor of the crowd.

No wonder. Is this even legal now? She has a actual sword! A sword! Haruhi, if you are going to put me into these kinds of situations at least give me tools to defend myself.

"So, I see that you are megassa skilled." Tsuruya picked up my helmet. It split in two at the touch. "Not many swordsman can withstand my technique."

Clearly, this armor is useless. Damn it Haruhi, you might as well have sent me into battle naked. So, I underestimated you. I pulled off the stupid prop armor and let it clatter on the ground. Thankfully I had changed earlier into my gym clothes. I drew my other sword. Hopefully, it wasn't as brittle as the other one. Now, fight with all the power you possess! Who uses such cheesy lines? Haruhi, if you are going to make a good movie you have to go beyond stupid shonen convention.

"I see." Tsuruya looked like she was on fire. She looked about as energetic as Haruhi was. That was worrying. "I won't forgive you for underestimating me!"

And with that she advanced. She was striking as fast as she could and it took all of my energy just to dodge. If she actually hit my sword with that thing it would shatter into a thousand pieces. How long can she keep up this pace? I certainly can't. Her sword was actually making sounds from being swung so fast. I got to do something.

She's striking so fast because she's confident that I can't hit her. She must assume that her supreme offence will wear me down before she tires. Wait. She's stepping slightly to the right when she lunges forward! There's a chance that I can hit her! A opening! I strike forward, almost blindly. Damn, the sun is in my eyes! I'm at her mercy now. Just make it quick.

I hear a unravelling sound and a bunch of wolf whistles coming from the crowd. I wipe the sun from my eyes and see that my frantic sword-waving had done something. I had managed to cut her clothes off. Somehow. I don't even know if it is possible to do? Isn't this something that only happens in the movies? This is totally unrealistic.

"Tch. Kyons is embarassing me." Underneath the kimono was her school swimsuit. Why wear such a thing underneath the kimono? Was she anticipating such a event to happen? How often does this event occur "I guesses that I am guilties of underestimating youse too." She looked actually embarrassed. Not at the sudden unclothing, but my luck at fighting with swords. I'm sorry Tsuruya, don't mistake beginner's luck with actual skill.

"I'd thought I nevers had to use this with yous. I honor yous with this technique!"

Huh? No-no-no-no- you don't have to do this. I feel plenty honored enough.

"Tsuruya Style Final Technique: Divine Wind!" She moved forward and for a second everything slowed down. Was this the enhancement of data that Nagato was talking about? I could see that her sword was vibrating slowly. Whoa! Was that little particles of energy coming off of it? I think that Haruhi has been watching too much anime nowadays. The teacher hasn't been giving us enough homework. I looked into the crowd, trying to spot Nagato. She wasn't here. Was she still in the clubroom?

I took a hesitant step forward. Nothing happened. The world didn't change. Is this what they call bullet time? This is a incredibly stupid movie effect, Haruhi. You can't get any more cliche then this.

The sword was now glowing with several points on it. Hm. If she shattered my sword with her decapitation technique, I wonder if I can shatter her sword if I hit it in the right point... I remembered myself. I assumed a more dramatic pose to look good for the camera. I have to get into the spirit of the thing. Uh, Kyon Style Countermove: SOS Emergency?

The world started to play again. I was knocked back and I landed on my back. Thanks Nagato, whatever you did. I survived for another day. She's gonna walk up and claim her victory any moment now. Any moment now...

"Megassa amazing, Kyon. No one in the history of Japan has ever managed to defeat that move." Tsuruya was on the floor, panting in exhaustion. "You are truely a paragon of Bushido." 

Hey, don't make any false assertions. I'm not what you think I am. My sword was still intact. I stood up.

Damn. That hurt like hell. What did I do? I looked around. My schoolmates were all gaping or pointing at me. I looked down and saw that her sword was shattered into many, many fine pieces. I gotta get in character again or Haruhi will rain brimstone and fire for wasting her time.

I walked forward and for the first time I saw a little fear in her eyes. What kind of thing I did could provoke such a reaction? Did I really do what I think I did. It's impossible for a noob like me to beat her. Is this real or is this another closed space of Haruhi's. I pointed my sword at her throat.

I could eat off the tension in the air. Is this how cheesy it feels in real life? I don't think any thinks that this is real. Any sane person would realise that this is a film. **Accept your fate**, I said. Oh god, this is so horrible. My sister could write better lines then this.

Tsuruya looked into my eyes. I recognized certain emotions that came on when facing death – It happens to me all the the time. She was acting extremely well. Did Haruhi put her up to this, or is it just a coincidence? She closed her eyes.

I pulled back my sword and gave her my hand. She looked rather shocked at this gesture. Tsuruya, I know this is just high school acting but do you have to be so serious about it. Let's see- what was in the script?

I fought her, and she fought well. Do not be ashamed for fighting such a strong opponent. Damn. Did I think it was cheesy before? It was an ache for my heart to defeat her in such a way. I apologize for my indiscretions and I daren't hope you forgive me. You remind me of her, even just a little bit. If you fight as well as you did today perhaps one day you'll be worthy of fighting me. You'll join me and we will have a fight that will be even be heard in the heavens! Do you hear me? If you commit jigai out of shame I will never forgive you, in this world or the next. Do you hear me?

Tsuruya started to tear up, but she stopped. She took hold of my hand and she stood up. She smiled a different smile, a smile that threatened to approach Asahina-level moe. "I will do my best to acknowledge your request," she said. "And someday I, too will show you this same mercy." She grabbed my other arm and threw me to the ground. Wait! This wasn't in the script. I guess she was ad-libbing but come on! Haruhi is gonna get so mad she's gonna make me pay for meals for the next year.

She was straddling my chest and staring straight down at me. Despite the obvious connotations of the act, no one said anything. Was our acting really that intense? She had my sword in her hands. At this point, I'm not sure if she is actually acting. Did I do anything to a Tsuruya recently? I couldn't have. It isn't possible. I was trapped in that pocket dimension for so long I have no idea what she is talking about.

"Oh, this is..!" She waved the sword around. "Perhaps I was underestimating you all of this time, Kyon. You really are this generation's Miyamoto Musashi." She smiled again. What was she talking about? Nagato, did you do something to her? Cause I'm not sure where she's going with this.

She lunged in and kissed me on the lips. I think she held it for a couple of minutes, or just a instant because it lasted so, so long. Damn. She took my first kiss outside of closed space. Congratulations, Tsuruya. I am completely defeated. I could hear wild applause from the background and I think I can hear Taniguchi bragging about me, but I didn't care. This moment is worth not thinking about.

She let go. "I really shouldn't gets involved with yous. I find it hard now to stay out of the limelight, Kyons. But for yous, well..." She grinned. "I gots to goes. See yous!" She leapt into the sky and jumped on to the roof. She waved at me. I meekly waved back from the ground. Oh damn! What will Haruhi think? What will everyone think? This just complicates everything that I don't want to think about right now. I'll just lie here and think of nothing.


	7. Artistic Sensibilities

Artistic sensibilities

If you asked me a year ago if I was a artist of any sort, I would have laughed and said no. However, ever since that regrettable story I wrote was published she has looked increasingly into more creative recreations. Her ever-migrating interest was irritating, at best. If you don't want to do sports anymore, then just tell us. I was beginning to get used to the tennis death matches and the impromptu duels in the courtyard.

For the past couple days she would almost say nothing to us, typing furiously into her computer. When I tried to get past her and see what she was doing she would hide it with her hands and furiously push me away. During this time I sampled some more delicious tea, this time some weird American import that tasted funny. Asahina must be getting adventurous, I wonder if this is the kind of tea she has to drink in the future.

Koizumi was worried as well. Between our games he would stare at me, then her with a slightly stressed look. What does he have to worry about me? I didn't do anything, if anyone he should worry about, well, anyone else. His gaze betrayed no answers. But for the life of me I can't understand why is so bad at poker. He has a natural poker face but he always betrays a tell at the worst moment. Do I detect genuine frustration from him? Nagato, instead of her customary books, was reading from her laptop. What, I can't assume. She's gotten a lot better ever since Sunday. I hope she's doing better.

If I had to pick a word to describe the feeling during these three days, I would choose 'routine'. Or 'domestic'. It felt strangely out of place given the events of the past week. I could feel the tension in the air, as we all were thinking the same question: When will she explode and return to normal? When will she announce her next crazy idea? This calm before the storm was not comforting at all.

But today when I came to our clubroom I was the first one there. Strange. Usually I was the last to arrive, because Haruhi had the supernatural ability to navigate through the crowded halls and manage to arrive before any sensible person could. All of the other members also showed up early, but not me. The sun was streaking through the windows, its early setting reminding me of the season. You'd think that after the winter solstice it would stick around longer.

I put down my books, my back glad to be rid of the burden, and I pulled out my new cell phone. Haruhi insisted on getting some sort of phone from a store that looked like it was a fruit hospital. It didn't have any buttons and it was small compared to my old, trusty phone. Why are designers going for sleek and svelte designs nowadays? I liked the bulky hardness and the weight of my old phone, but she said that I was a old man when it came to my tastes. A old man, am I? You don't have any taste at all!

But I have to admit, it was a pretty nice phone when I got to use it. Haruhi signed the damn thing in my name and proceeded to coo over it on the trip home. She bought so many applications that I'm pretty sure that my first phone bill is going to be my last. My parents won't like it that I bought it without telling them. Even Koizumi and Nagato, bastions of sanity and sense watched Haruhi play with it. If you are going to play with it without letting me use it, buy your own damn phone.

I tried to call Haruhi. As the dial tone rang, the door opened a crack and I saw that sneering bastard walk in in the reflection in the window. I held my breath. What was he here for? What should I do?

"I don't know how you escaped Tachibana's trap. Perhaps helping finding your cure was a mistake? Fortunately for her, I have a solution that will kill two birds without a stone."

What the hell are you talking about? Get away from me, you bastard!

"I can say anything I like, you know. My faction has done a little research on bending Suzumiya Haruhi's strict temporal plane destruction rules. This time I believe that you'll never escape this prison; no matter how hard you try or what help you get."

I moved in to punch him in the face. But then he shot me with something. I couldn't tell. And then my eyes were forcibly closed. My only hope is that Haruhi got my call. My cell phone was still on. I could hear voices...

"Kyon! What is it Kyon? Are you trying to pull something here? Kyo-nnnnnnnnn!"

Stupid Haruhi. Don't you know that when someone calls and can't come to the phone it probably means that they had been incapacitated? I know that only really works in movies, but come on! After I thought that I fell unconscious.

Anywhen

This is the third time that a member of Sasaki's faction has held me against my will. Is this a theme of some sort? I hope this isn't a worrying trend that will continue into the future. I don't want to be indebted to Nagato, Koizumi, Asahina, or anyone, really. I want to be able to save myself, but in all of these strange circumstances it seems that I have to rely on these strange individuals.

So what is it this time? Was I kidnapped like poor Asahina? Am I trapped in Haruhi's mind again? Am I imprisoned in some sort of weird data space? I can't tell, because my eyes are clamped shut. For some reason I can't open my eyes because I feel extremely tired for some reason. The entire room that I am in seems so cold. I try to flex my arms.

It turns out that it wasn't the best decision. I felt a sudden weight on my chest. I opened my eyes and I found that a corpse was resting on top of me. His lolling eyes and his warm mouth were too close for my liking. I tried to push him off but the human body looks much heavier then it looks. I strained but eventually I pushed him off.

The sounds of explosions was the most pertinent thing that came to my attention. Where was I? When was I? That sneering bastard's words were ominous. No help? That definitely can't be good. I looked around. Water was trickling in through the door and was gradually increasing in flow. Did he send me to a war torn future or the distant past? He couldn't have sent me to the past. That can't be done, according to Asahina. Unless, like Koizumi said, she didn't tell me everything...

A horrible, shrieking sound like the moaning of a great titan was followed by the door bursting free of its hinges and knocking me to my feet. "All honourable sailors of the Imperial Navy, it is to my regret that I announce that you are ordered to abandon ship. Other ships in the fleet will arrive shortly to retrieve you. Ten thousand years!"

Great. When was the last time that moniker was used in seriousness? In hindsight I guess that it wasn't a good idea to skip reading that section in the textbook. So, I think I am in the past. That's impossible. Did that sneering bastard intend to send me here? In a wreck of a sinking ship so I'll be certain to die? I don't really have a good record with ships.

"Hey, are you staying with the ship as well?" A man spoke behind me. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but I swore I heard that voice before. I looked behind me and I saw a green-haired man smile at me. First of all, I don't think that green hair is hereditary, if that is who I think it is. Secondly, should I speak to him? Am I setting up some sort of time paradox that will destroy the world?

"What's your name, sailor? In a couple of minutes we will all be arguing with our ancestors, anyway, so why keep secrets between ourselves in the last moments of our lives?"

Oh dammit, can't tell him my real name. Can't use Kyon either, gotta make sure a generic name. John Smith. Who the hell would believe that? That sounds too American to be a genuine Japanese name.

"That's odd, John Smith. Don't you think that's a pretty un-Japanese name. Are you some sort of spy or somethin?"

Quick, gotta think of something, fast. Uh, my parents were Dutch.

"That'd explain it. But why stay with the ship? I think it's pretty brave of you to do so, because you are still a foreigner in the eyes of many of my friends. Of course, with me dying my hair and all... They just don't understand the tradition. Hell, I don't know anyone of my friends that were honourable enough to stay with the officers."

Hah! I knew it! It couldn't be natural. Wait, what? Honourable...

"But a foreigner-whelped guy like you? Guess it's just our heritage shining through the foreign blood."

Man, this guy is a traditionalist. Wait, I didn't catch your name. Isn't it customary to introduce yourself first?

"My name's Tsuruya. Had a brother that moved to America before the war, that bastard. Couldn't stay at home and listen to our father."

Don't you have a first name?

"Us Tsuruyas don't get our first names until we are beaten in battle. We ask them for a name to bestow on us. They usually don't refuse, though. When we reach twenty-one we go around fighting strong warriors of the opposite gender until we can find one that can beat us. Then we marry them.

Isn't that a little barbaric?

"I know, right. I can't really get a Omiai Kekkon with any nice girl unless she fights really well but the problem is I'm too good. I'm twenty-seven and I'm gonna die a virgin. Hey, lets drink a little! I had this bottle I was saving in the event I found a nice woman that could beat me up, but I guess that this would be the sort of situation that would demand it."

Damn, he could talk. Is the Tsuruya family really that weird? Uh, I never really liked drinking very much.

"Ah come on, you don't have to listen to your mother when you are about to die. The officers have to face it with dignity, but us common sailors can face it drunk. Besides, I bet you are a virgin too. Never drank before, eh? Well, at least you never get to experience a hangover."

He forced the bottle into my mouth. I've tasted some warm beer at the island and it got me soused immediately. This was high grade, high proof stuff that could be poured into a car and still run. I choked immediately and I almost gagged.

"Hey, don't waste it on the floor..! I thought you were some sort of tough guy." He took a long swig of it and he sputtered. "Damn, this is stronger then the government ration crap! I knew my uncle could make something good. "

And then a thought occurred to me. If supposing he was some sort of grandfather for Tsuruya, then I gotta save him or it will create a time paradox. Hell, I don't want to die. He just assumed that because I was still recovering from the exploding door. While I was thinking, he was drinking. The sake hadn't affected my thoughts that much, right? I still could walk straight and touch my nose- dammit, why is it moving? Stupid nose. Kyon! Focus. Ubi tu _Gaia_, ego _Gaius. _

We gotta go, Tsuruya. I pulled him and I walked down the hallway.

"Whuhy?" He was more drunk then I thought. "I'm a Familys disgraces, yah. Too brutishs to get a wifes, too impolites to marry. All they girlses shriek when Is approaches them."

Tsuruya's little accent shows up in her grandfather, too. I think that he trained himself not to show his rural accent in the city. Don't worry. If you survive this, then I'm sure you'll meet a nice girl.

"Ifs I die heres honourably, then mys families don't have to faces the disgrace."

Nonsense! I think that your family is very proud of you. Don't fall for the conceit that you're the strongest one in Japan, or the world even. I know plenty of powerful girls.

"Ohs? Tell me about all theses girlses you have so many of, since I DON'Ts see them." His voice was getting erratic. Perhaps I should have taken the bottle away from him. Holding him up as I went up the stairs, I had to distract him otherwise he would realize my drastic plan of not committing suicide.

There's a girl I know that doesn't talk very much. She's so strong that she, uh, threw a train off of its tracks. Dammit, I know that I'm lying but I'm pretty sure that she could, if she wanted to. There's a girl I know that makes really good tea and cleans up nicely. There's a girl that speaks a lot, doesn't take any crap and works me like a beast.

"Hahs! Sounds likes yous got whipped!"

What would you know, Mr. Virgin? Anyway, I also know this green-haired girl that I don't know what exactly she does, but she practices martial arts. I bet that she could kick her ass any day.

"What? What are you tryings to tells me? A womans, huh? And withs green hair. That's a promises that I'm goings to takes you up with. Almost makes me not want to commit suicide."

That was a positive sign. If he was showing signs of optimism then that was definitely good for the space-time continuum.

"So, who's the girls in your life? Since you gots so many I figure even at your young age you got hooked ups with just one, right? No joygirls for you, am I right?"

Stop that! Do you want to get to the topdeck or what?

"Come ons. My fathers told mes that you should have your eyeses on the girl yous gonna marry before you turn sixteen. Look at mes! I'm such a disappointments..." He burst into tears.

Ah, come on. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't picked a girl to marry yet. And it was true. I wasn't intending to marry any of the members of the SOS brigade. Haruhi would get mad at any choice I picked, even her, I think. She would give me a penalty no matter who I picked, if I married any of them. It's a hypothetical situation, okay? Nothing wrong about hypothesizing.

"Realies?" He stopped crying and looked at me. "Then there is still hopes for me, too. I may be twenty sevens and 'too old to marry', but I stills got a chance!~ **hic" **

Isn't the average marrying years about your age?

"The Tsuruya family **hic **prides itselfs **hic **on **hic **marrying **hic** youngs." He looked more serious, if you could redfaced and blind drunk. "More babies, if you know what I mean."

We finally made it to the top deck. The place was wrecked. Wood splinters were everywhere and from my position I could easily see that the boat was capsizing. What ship are we on, anyways?

"You don't knows? You serves on thises ship and yous don't know? I think that you are pulling my leg. This is the pride of the Imperial Navy, the Yamato. Finest ship of the line, big guns, big everything! Everything that Japan is can be seen in thises battleship. But not now, I'm afraids. **Hic**"

Crap.


	8. Zetta Slow

Zeta slow

The most concerning thing that the past couple of days, Nagato didn't show up after school in the clubroom. Neither did she show up for school. Her curious absence was destabilizing the Brigade. Haruhi was a little less energetic, Koizumi was more skillful at the games we played, and Asahina's tea tasted a little bit off.

These minor things only added up to the strangeness of her disappearance. No, not that kind of disappearance. She was always punctual and never even got a tardy. Why should she start playing truant now? Something must be up. I could go visit her, but it is a girl's house. I can't visit her alone, and I can only go if someone else goes with me. If only if Haruhi would say something...

"Something's wrong with Yuki, Kyon. Let's all go after school to her house to comfort and aid her in her time of need! Mikuru, bring all the tea you can carry. Kyon, buy all of the things on this list. Koizumi, you supervise Kyon to make sure that he doesn't waste any time. I'll do something special. Anyways, what are you waiting for? Get going!" 

I can always rely on you to simultaneously solve and give me a problem. Wait, a lot of these things on the list are expensive. I don't think I can pay for all of this.

"Are you stingy or what? It's for a fellow brigade member, don't you realize? If you can find it in your cold, tiny, blackened heart to pay for Yuki's recovery, then do so. If you don't, then you are less of a man then I thought."

My heart is definitely not cold, tiny, or blackened! If she asked me personally I would gladly do it. But it looks like you just want to destroy what remains of my savings.

"Oh, boo-hoo. Too bad. But if I guess that if you are so poor then I can lend you money from our last fund-raiser to buy these things. But at a healthy interest, of course. I'll charge a higher rate then a loan shark!"

I think that would be someone else's money if you were honest about our last fundraiser. That auction was a sham and you know it! She dumped some bills into my hand. I looked at how much I had and the shopping list. Just enough. It looks like if I get a advance on my allowance and not eat lunch for the next month I can pay it off. It looks like a couple of hungry weeks for me...

"So, lets go! If you are late, Kyon, you are going to have to pay a penalty..."

Asahina gave me a half smile as she hurriedly picked up her supplies. As soon as she was done Haruhi yanked her out. I sat uncomfortably as Koizumi stared at me. What was he looking at me for?

"You got to be careful in the coming weeks, Kyon," His unnerving smile creeped me out. Did he learn that you are only supposed to smile when you are happy? Even blind people smile normally, but not him. Is he disabled in some way I can't see that it makes them be incapable of being sincere? "Closed spaces are increasing in frequency for the last quarter and it is expected that this trend will continue. Do you know any reason why this would be.

Of course not. Am I Haruhi's keeper all of a sudden? I know about as much as you do.

"I think you give yourself too little credit. You've proven a asset when it comes to handling Suzumiya. Do you remember last year when I visited you in that closed space, when you were alone in that new world with Haruhi."

Perhaps you should find it in yourself to make yourself interesting to her. Nothing could make me happier if she thought I was a regular person – boring.

"Hah, you think we haven't tried... I'm telling you as a friend, Kyon. Not as a vague threat from a mysterious organization, like you think, but from a friend."

How do you know that? I thought that espers couldn't read minds.

"Good guess, but we have our ways of extracting information from... reluctant persons."

I don't even want to know. Say, shouldn't we be getting the things that Haruhi wants to get?

"My organization is picking some of those items up. The thing is that only one of those things is impossible to get."

Wait. Let me see that. What? I don't think even the Emperor could possibly get that item on such a short notice. Ah, man, I only noted down the ones I saw with prices...

"Thankfully, a source of mine told me recently that that item was available, but for a short time, and only at a certain location. I'd already paid the price, so he should be arriving at the drop site in about fifteen minutes."

What? Koizumi, don't scare me like that. If there is a solution available tell me immediately – I don't want to feel a shock like that ever again.

"As you wish. But I believe that it is time to go. Shall we walk there?"

You already know the answer to that. Let me get my coat.

"I have to inform you that in order to meet Suzumiya's expectations, I still have to take away your money that she lent you."

You just had to twist the knife in further, did you? 

"I try not to.

The weather was getting colder and a light flurry powdered my face. The weather was almost beautiful, in a way, like fresh snow or clear ice, but then I remembered the practical end of things. This snow was going to make walking up that damn hill hell. I remember the time when I was in middle school when I slipped down the hill when I tripped. I had to hide the bruise, too. All of the outdoor markets would be closed. The bread van wouldn't come. The trains will be slower. In general, snow isn't good for city life. But I guess that art in nature wouldn't come without a price.

"What are you going to do after high school ends, Kyon?" Koizumi had a slight pucker to his mouth.

I don't know. Why are you asking all of these questions? Do you have some sort of point to make?

"No, it was just a curious question. But if I guess that if you don't like me, then you don't have to tell me." 

Stop phrasing your statements with such weird language. I really don't know.

"My organization gives me much leeway because I associate with Suzumiya. They let me on a longer leash then they usually give other espers. I guess I'm lucky that way." He held out his hands in a shrugging gesture. "Once high school ends I'm going to follow Suzumiya, wherever she goes. I suppose if you looked it one way you could see that I have selfish intentions."

For the longest time I didn't think anyone would willingly follow her but you are the great exception.

"Think about it, Kyon. Asahina is trapped here until she is recalled. Nagato could either give her function to another interface or continue observing. In whatever shape or form, as long as Suzumiya is interested in us we will stay together to observe her."

Make your point. I don't like being lead around by the nose.

"You have the freedom to do whatever you want. I think it is a strong possibility that you don't have a controlling organization behind you, so you must be here just because Suzumiya likes you. You aren't here because you were placed, and that makes you special. What are you going to do? Disappoint her? Do you have any plans?" 

I think that the best way is to go with the flow and see what she comes up with. And besides, if I made a plan she would interfere with it somehow, but why bother?

"True, true. I guess that there is some merit to what you say. But I think you underestimate the personality of Suzumiya. She's got her eye on you for a year now, something that your friend Taniguchi has remarked to you, yes?" He pointed his hands forward, in a pointing gesture towards the sky.

You know too much for your own good. Haven't you heard of privacy of conversation?

"What? I couldn't hear you. Must be the wind. But anyways, Kyon, you must make a decision, and soon. Odysseus's wife waited for him for fourteen years. I doubt that Haruhi will be as patient. "

I think that Haruhi will leave me in the dust, not the other way around. Don't you think that the analogy is flawed, given the circumstances?

"Oh, you got me there." I can taste your insincerity. If you want to talk to me then take me seriously. I don't feel like being patronized today. He smiled. "Oh, there she is. Wave, Kyon."

Tsuruya was sitting in the middle of the square with a black box. As soon as she saw us she jumped off the bench and started to walk briskly toward us. "Hello, Koizumi! I got your request, and boy, was its a toughs one to do. I had to look through the entire storeroom but I found a couple."

She opened it up. Fresh persimmons! Those damn housewives have deals with the stockboys to buy the product before it even gets to the store. Students can't compete with that. They are fresh enough to have that nice smell. Now Suzumiya has to give me some credit, because I don't think that you could have such freshness in the middle of the schoolday.

She quickly closed the box. "Satisfied? Next time if you want a small favor, Koizumi, don't be afraid to asks." She gave a actual, genuine smile. Compared to her, Koizumi was a pink miniature Christmas tree. "Says, why dids you takes Kyon withs you? Is its for sometings specials?" Her pleasant expression changed to something much more horrific.

"Oh, we're just going out for a mid-day stroll. He insisted."

What are you insinuating, Koizumi? I can take this sort of insult from Haruhi, but from you? I don't have a single iota of patience to deal with your foolish language.

"Ohs? Is that trues? Whats will Haruhi thinks?" If Tsuruya was playing along, I couldn't notice it.

"Suzumiya actually ordered me to follow him. Poor Kyon sometimes gets lost in the big city." Now that was just out of line. I only got lost that one time, and you have to hold it over my head forever.

"Reallies? Well then, I hope you lots of lucks in your relationships. See ya!" She walked away from us, her scarf dancing in the wind.

We started to walk to Nagato's apartment. A uncomfortable silence was mine to savour for the few minutes. I purposely started to walk faster then Koizumi and he matched my pace. At the end of it we were practically sprinting. I was at the intercom when Koizumi finally caught up with me. I stared with my best irritated look directly at his skull. If he was a really good esper he'd detect my bad vibes and hopefully not act like a dick. There was hope.

"Any reason why you disdained our conversation during the last couple of minutes?" This time his smile was slightly less strained. I kept my back to him and I started to look for Nagato's house number. "I can assure you that Tsuruya was making a joke at your expense, and I just played along. Nothing personal, you understand." I ignored him. Why is she taking so long to answer? "I can assure you that I have no interest in you. But if you want to-"

Stop right there. Whatever conclusion you were going to make, keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it.

"As you wish." Was that a hint of resignation from unflappable Koizumi? Whatever Tsuruya made him do, it must had been bad.

"..."

Nagato, it's me, Kyon. I'm here with the item that Haruhi requested.

"...yes."

The door buzzer rang and the door unlocked. Come to think about it, where are the other items on the list? We didn't go shopping for them.

"Oh, that's simple." He closed his eyes and smiled. What was he waiting for? "I would advise you to cover your ears," he started to say when a roar of a engine suddenly made itself known over a distance. I slowly backed up as a man wearing a jetpack descended onto the pavement.

The man removed his helmet and said: "Hello, I am a man with a jetpack that is happening to pass by." Mr. Arakawa? Of all of the disguises that I've seen you in, this one is the worst. Who would believe such a bald-faced lie?

"Hello, man that I've definitely never met before. Do you have anything for me?" Koizumi said to him.

The sound of a helicopter coming closer was increasing in volume. "Yes, in fact, I do!" He handed him a brown package. "Now I must be off."

"HELLO. I AM A MAID IN A HELICOPTER THAT IS HAPPENING TO PASS BY. DO YOU NEED A LIFT, MAN WHO I DON'T KNOW BUT IS IN A JETPACK?" The maid-lady? Why is she speaking with a megaphone? Doesn't this go against all rules of tact and stealth?

"Yes, my good maid, thank you for the offer!" Mr. Arakawa engaged his rocket pack and landed in the news helicopter. The helicopter quickly disappeared into the distance. Those people are either run the most brilliant black ops operations or the most foolish. I can't tell which. Does anyone in the real world buy their horrible lies? They are plainly obvious to me. Am I the only sane man?

"Well, get in, Kyon." Koizumi had already made his way into the building. How does he do that? On second thought, no, my final thought is that I don't want to know. And I find myself not caring.

I followed him into the elevator. The entire first floor was surprisingly sterile, considering that it was a apartment building in the middle of the city. Come to think about it, I haven't seen anyone else in this building except Nagato. Do all of the humanoid interfaces live here, or does she live alone in this entire building? Are there enough interfaces to fill each and every apartment in this complex? That is a sobering though.

The lights in the elevator flickered for a moment and the elevator started to go up. It was eerily silent which made me question what exactly was driving it. Some sort of alien deportation device? You know what's happening to Yuki, Koizumi?

"I don't know personally, but I'm sure-" The elevator lights flickered again and the elevator was plunged into darkness.


	9. Conflict

Conflict

I followed Koizumi and for the whole time I felt a uncertainty in the air, like something out of the ordinary happened. He had disappeared in the elevator and he came back, no worse for the wear. Is he a main character in his own story? He must have adventures that I don't hear about, shadow societies fighting in the background, nations rising and falling on the whims of a seventeen-year old girl.

I've never seen a esper fight another esper. I would imagine that they would fire energy beams and have energy shields, destroying the false environment behind them. Such world-shattering power, something so unreasonable and unrealistic I suppose has to be confined to Haruhi's closed spaces. If you think about it, if the giants are a anthropomorphic representation of Haruhi's frustrations, then the espers would represent her sense of reason. If she had a internal conflict, if her reason fought with itself then she would get extremely frustrated.

Haruhi, Nagato, and Asahina were sitting down at the train station and as soon as Koizumi and I turned the corner she jumped up and started to shout. "Kyon, why are you so late! Even though I was kind enough to give you some sleeping time in the morning, you abused that privilege! For now on you have to get up at five o'clock in the morning, each Sunday and you are going to report to the location I tell you to go to on the previous Saturday. You got that?"

Yeah, yeah, I got that. Why are we going to Akihabara? Can't we just get a cell phone locally?

"Don't you have any sense of adventure? If we always go to the most convenient place to do anything we get lazy and complacent. A lot of things are out of reach unless you give a little bit of effort, Kyon. It's only thrity minutes, so what are you complaining about? You spent way longer travelling to Okinawa, so I don't think that you have any reason to complain."

If I spend so much on the weekends, my parents complain about my irresponsible spending. I already got a advance, you know.

"That reminds me! You still haven't paid your loan yet for the items that I asked you to get for Yuki here. Let me see, if I charge you five hundred percent per hour, and it has been seven days..." She started to punch in the numbers on her cell phone. Whatever number came out of that, it was a certainty that it was usurious in the extreme.

"That's one point three million yen, Kyon! Pay up! Pay up!"

That's ridiculous. How can you expect me to pay that kind of cash?

"Sell you organs on the black market, or to a Yakuza! I hear that healthy kidneys are in high demand."

How do you know that sort of thing? I don't want to sell my organs, I want you to know. If you want so much money sell your own.

"Well, if you can't pay... But you did do it forYuki... It's settled! You owe each brigade member a favour, usable at any time, off peak or peak, rain or shine, alive or dead!"

I think you are confusing the postman's credo, a hotel coupon, and a wanted poster at the same time.

"You can't back out of it, Kyon! Unless you want to sell your organs, you are just gonna have to do the favours, as asked! You should be grateful – if I was a real loan shark I would harass your family and tell your friends that you owe me money."

Unfortunately, I don't doubt that you would do such a thing.

"As the great leader of the SOS brigade, I command you to buy us all train tickets!" She started to pull me to the ticket booth.

At this point, how can I refuse? The station master gave me very cheap tickets, because apparently they were having a promotion for students. No thanks to you, Haruhi. If I have to rely on happenstance and luck to stay solvent I don't think I'll be financially secure for long.

The train pulled in and we entered the second car. It was empty, a rarity in this train service. I guess that our area doesn't have as much demand for rapid transport as previously thought. Whatever the reason it was empty, I guess that it is just another happy coincidence in a series of coincidences. But it means that Haruhi is free to be as energetic as possible with no one else to control her. I have a feeling that this train trip is going to be longer then I hoped...

"Kyon, you are sitting at the back of the train! Mikuru, sit with Nagato and I. Koizumi, sit next to Kyon and make sure that he doesn't try anything fishy."

Why do I have to sit with Koizumi? Isn't there enough room for all of us to sit in a single row?

"Don't question my judgement! You are already testing my patience already. Haven't you learnt to respect your superiors?" She sat down and started to play with the air conditioning.

"Well, Kyon, let's leave her be. I'm sure that you don't want to antagonize her further." Koizumi said with a overly reasonable tone. Do you have to use that kind of tone with me? I'm not a child.

"I have to speak to you about the consequences of your actions last Sunday." He looked serious. "The politics at the office and abroad have changed. You may not realize it but you unwittingly changed things during your imprisonment in Haruhi's mind."

I didn't know that my actions were of such importance. Am I some sort of national figurehead with his every action, even innocent ones, interpreted to have some sort of meaning?

"I guess you could say that. But we can't talk here. Let's sit down before we talk about anything substantial." He put his finger to his mouth in a silencing gesture. What was he, five?

We sat down and I looked out of the window as the train pulled out. I didn't expect it to be so calming as I stared into the passing scenery. When I went on long trips or I went on airplanes I would always stare outside and watch the world pass me by. I almost never went to sleep, even on long trips and I would usually regret it when I got to my destination. Koizumi interrupted the silence with a short coughing sound.

"After your rescue by Nagato I assisted to your safe return to reality. When I found you Nagato was exhausted and wouldn't respond to stimuli. Can you describe your imprisonment by Tachibana?."

I could hear the thoughts of Haruhi. Did she have a tickling fit at school?

"In fact, in the middle of class she collapsed into uncontrollable laughter. Why? Is that significant?"

Ha! So I didn't imagine it after all! I would say that she deserved it, but I don't want to receive her punishment again.

"What was she thinking? Did you hear her surface thoughts, or something deeper?"

I only heard the thoughts that pertained to me. I doubt even you could survive a trip into her unconscious desires.

"I know more about the human mind then you may think. That's enough questions for now. The assault on the IDE stronghold was strong and relentless. The entire building was dragged into closed space where the enemy espers battled the approximately ninety-six interfaces that lived in that building. In the end the IDE repelled the attack and the enemy was forced to retreat to lick their wounds."

Isn't even one interface capable of taking out several espers?

"In the material realm, yes. In closed space the information, as they call it, is harder to manipulate. It is rare for a esper to battle a interface where he or she is strongest, but when it happens we can engage them extremely effectively. And most of the interfaces within this building are secondary functionaries and have combat as a tertiary speciality. Even Nagato, a observational unit only has secondary combat abilities."

How do you know this? How do you know so much about the IDE?

"Ever since the traumatic event about a year ago, a informal gentleman's agreement between the factions in Suzumiya's club to not intrude into each other's plans. Small efforts of diplomacy between the factions have been attempted, and from pure conjecture we've managed to see some of the organizational structures of other organizations. However we intentionally try to obscure some of the more sensitive information, so as a whole we are still distrustful. But tensions between our respective groups has lessened by a order of magnitude since four years ago."

You know, if any of you would tell me this then I would be a lot more trusting in the first place. Why am I the last to know anything?

"I'm sorry about that." He gave me a smug look. "In the future if you wish to know things that I might hypothesize about in my free time, then just ask." Arrogant jerk. If he said things more plainly then this sort of mess wouldn't happen in the first place.

"To continue, the other alien entity had also incorporated a virus into the attack. After you left to talk with its interface and Sasaki it stopped its efforts at sabotaging the IDE. Without your help the interfaces would have undoubtedly lost the fight and Haruhi would have been taken. I was there during the fight and I could see the performance of the interfaces noticebly spike when you left the closed space."

I did what I had to do. Nagato, in fact, told me to go. I know that you are trying to engender good faith in the organization, but I believe you must ask Nagato for what she said on that day.

"That is acceptable." His smile went down a couple of lumens. "The time traveller who calls himself Fujiwara singlehandedly fought my immediate superiors for several days to prevent their participation in the battle. Where did he get this power? Our sources have no explanation for this sudden power spike. I warn you to be careful in any situation where he is involved."

Thanks for the tip. When I was imprisoned Kyouko told me that she didn't want more of her brothers and sisters to die. What does she mean by that.

Koizumi's face, for the first time, was sad. "In the first years of discovering our talents, some of us were reckless in fighting or too weak in power. Back then we didn't have the collective power we have now, and some of our number died in battle. When we formed our organization some of us wanted to terminate the source of the giants. Others wanted to study and further our knowledge about our powers. I am a member of the latter. There are elements within our organization that wish to kill or remove Suzumiya from existence. Undoubtedly Kyouko Tachibana belongs to one of those factions."

He started to smile again. "Enough talk about dark subjects. It looks like Suzumiya is calling you."

"Kyon! I almost forgot! You still have to account for the events on Friday. I won't accept those half-assed explanations you gave me on that day! Tell me what you were talking to Tsuruya in private!"

It was a conversation strictly between me and her. I don't think you have any right to know what was said.

"Even though you got a lot of good footage on that day, I still can't forgive you for trampling on a maiden's heart in that way! So, did you accept your responsibility of being a father?"

No! It was just a misunderstanding from before. It's cleared up now, so don't expect her to burst in anytime soon.

"Damn it, Kyon, stop being so evasive! Clearly you don't respect the post of the Commander of the SOS Brigade. I order you to tell me what happened."

Nothing happened in the first place and nothing happened afterwords! That is the last time I will say this.

"Mikuru, she's in your class. Did you ask her what perverted come-ons came from our pervert here?"

"Um, I asked her and she said that it was a martial arts thing they were talking about." Mikuru looked shyly at me. Did she know the true extent of that "martial arts thing"? That reminds me, I have to think of something for that...

"I didn't think that you were a martial artist, Kyon. So what happened? Did you return her dojo's sign? Are you secretly a member of a martial arts clan that has sworn to protect hers? And what about her sister? Did you injure her pride too?"

Fine, fine, fine! I met her sister in Okinawa (true) and we had a fight (somewhat true) and she lost (debatable). She was simply looking to schedule a rematch (complete lie).

"You, beat a Tsuruya? I doubt you could even beat Yuki, or even Asahina. You'd be too busy staring at her bust!"

That is definitely not true. What do you think I am, Taniguchi?

"You might as well be. I saw the way that you looked at her when you were on the ground. You were staring at one thing, and it definitely wasn't her face."

You are right. I was staring at the sword that she was going to stab into my gut. Congratulations. In a way, you are correct.

"Um, Kyon wouldn't do that!" Asahina was blushing and looking back and forth. "He would treat me respectfully like any other opponent. I have no doubt!"

"Of course he would. Japanese men are incredibly weak." Haruhi gave me an appraising look. "They don't exercise, have weak wills and are attracted to 2D. Even you could beat Kyon, no doubt about it."

I don't think that I would find myself in a situation where I would have to fight Asahina to the death, so the question is a moot point, don't you think?

"Anyways, your win over Tsuruya must have been a fluke, right?" Haruhi gave me a stern look. "Unless you used her condition as the mother of your child as some sort of sick advantage, did you?"

For the last time, no!

The train pulled into the station and we walked out. The weather was slightly milder here and the snow not as thick. The large malls beckoned, calling us with their neon signs and promises of body pillows and figurines. Since I was a responsible adult, I resisted the impulse to run like a little child. Haruhi, however did not. She pulled poor Asahina by her arms as she ran into Akihabara. Koizumi, like a dutiful butler followed. I would call them, say something, but I realize it's pointless to restrain Haruhi. To do so only results in pain and anguish.

Only Nagato was left, staring at the falling snowflakes coming to rest on the palm of her hand. I walked towards her when she suddenly grabbed my hand and flipped my palm towards the sky. She looked at me, and then her hands. I looked more closely. The snowflakes on her hand were not melting. She looked at me inquisitively.

I laughed and laughed and I took her hand and stared straight into the sky.


	10. The Quickening

Halfway in and I'm still going strong. Writing around my daily life has been a great effort, but ultimately satisfied. I have a couple of plot twists that I haven't unveiled yet, so keep on reading.

I'll have to look into Kyon's way of speaking. In the future I will go back and correct some of these mistakes.

* * *

The Quickening

I woke up in Nagato's apartment, its plain decor slightly comforting. The bed was familar, but it smelled of nothing. Does everything in her house this sterile? I stared into the pale white ceiling for a while, pondering the worth of myself to others. Some psychologists say that children are inherently selfish and only when they mature do they recognize the value of others. If anything, I have the opposite problem – I'm too selfless, I think. I could refuse to take part in her story, be a bystander like Kimidori and Tsuruya. I could be in the go-home club.

My ruminations were interrupted by Nagato opening the door. A tiny beam of light agonized my waking eyes, and I squinted.

"Breakfast is ready." She closed the door.

How long was I trapped in Suzumiya's mind? I remember it being a eternity, like the emptiness in between spaces. But more importantly, how was Nagato? Did Sasaki's group do good on their part of the bargain? I tried to sit up, but my back failed me. I collapsed, exhausted on the floor. I lay there for a few minutes, stewing in my own impotence. Nagato? Can you help me up?

The door opened. Nagato walked up to me and pulled me up. Ah, my muscles feel all sore! Nagato, what today is today?

"Today is December 2nd in your time. You have stayed in Suzumiya's mindscape for a unquantifiable amount of time. Your body has atrophied."

How did you find me? I didn't think that interfaces could intervene in closed spaces.

"The aberrant zones of data that they from the opposing factions in the organization have created changes in the rules of interactions. Itsuki Koizumi was integral in your recovery. Once he provided your localized dimensional coordinates, I simply synchronized myself with a local copy in her mindscape."

But how did you did you bring me back?

Nagato blinkblinked./blink. She remained silent. "Your breakfast is ready. Your muscles that support your legs and your back have been restored to their original data state."

I stood up. My sense of balance was all funny. Nagato had a firm grip on my hand, so I tentatively tried a step. Huge mistake. I almost fell down again. Nagato picked me up in a fireman's carry, which was a bit awkward because I was taller then she was. She walked into the living room and set me down.

There was many opened boxes of various kitchenware and tableware. Instruction manuals were stacked on a neat pile on the small table in the middle of the room. Laboratory equipment was set up in rows, occupying most of the new folding tables. Hundreds of books were occupying a pile in the corner. I reached for one and I looked at the title. It read 'Cooking and you: A beginner's guide.'

Suddenly, a flash of light came from the kitchen. A eerie glow emanated from the partition and I wondered what exactly was she doing. All of this effort, just for me? She really shouldn't have. I don't want to tax her any further – was this the reading she was doing for the past couple of days? Judging by this setup here it looks like she's been planning this for weeks.

What do aliens eat, exactly? In a another world undoubtedly there is a possibility that vegetable matter did not evolve. They could be even so advanced as to derive sustenance directly from their star, like plants, but more efficient. For a source of such abundant power there would be no need for predators. But that wouldn't select for intelligence, because hyper-efficient organisms do not need it. So their world must be earthlike or worse to have great intelligence, or factors in their world that make intelligence a trait worth selecting for. They too, must have had a energy deficit in their distant past to allow for their precocious intelligence.

Something in the background started to click. I crawled to one of the lab tables and I picked it up. It was a Geiger counter. Nagato, I know that for some reason you want to do this but do you have to use fissile material? I don't think that anyone in Japan would be happy if you started to experiment with nuclear power, and especially if you use it to cook. I won't be happy, at least.

Nagato popped out of the kitchen, a burnt smell following her. "You must wait. Complications have arisen." She shut the door.

I sat down at the table and I waited. I fingered at the red ribbon in my hands. Traditionally, isn't it a red string? This thing must be composed of hundreds of threads. It's a stupid superstition that media has latched on to, and cliche to boot. I don't have to believe in it. In fact, why do I have to like anyone at all? All my friends are good friends. I wouldn't imagine kissing any of them, but it happens. They're accidents, I tell you. Accidents and misunderstandings!

And whatever that guy thinks I'm definitely not going after her. I'm not like some of my more perverted friends. Whatever he implies or tries to trick me into saying I deny completely. I have no comment. Real life isn't like a romance fantasy or a heroic adventure, it is regular monotony with a little drama sprinkled in for humour. I have half a mind to inform him about the genre of real life, or non-fiction. That's what I want him to stay in, firmly in reality.

My bag sits by itself in another corner. I look at my poor cellphone. I really don't want to get a new one. First of all, it takes forever to replace all of my information on it. Secondly, unlike most newer phones it can't take video, text or pictures. That's a net benefit for me – it allows me to ignore almost everything that isn't important. I think that this phone isn't even sold anymore in stores. Despite Haruhi's urging to get a new one I just don't want to. Is it like a security blanket or a comfort object? I put it down.

My laptop survived more or less intact. The impact and slicing attacks of those interfaces only damaged my clothes, not the more important stuff in here. I look at it once more. Still serviceable for another year. You need to take care of your things so that they last for you as long as possible. If some people I know took this to heart then we would have much more money to spend on other things. I plug in the charger and I start up my computer.

Damn, the light novel series that I was reading got delayed again. Those aren't very hard to write. The picture-to-word ratio is easy enough to manage. Any more pictures and it would be a comic book. I can't understand why the author can't just write stories more consistently. I want to know! What happens to Kyonko at the University?

The kitchen door opened again and this time a faintly sweet smell wafted out of the door. What could it be? It definitely isn't a Japanese breakfast, so it must be something else. Nagato emerged, smoke obscuring her figure as she walked to the table. Alien physiology wasn't too different, right? I really hope it is because I don't want to be impolite.

A dish that looked like scrambled eggs was formed into a cube, standing straight by its own strength. The orange juice was bubbling. The hash browns apparently were the source of the vanilla smell, but they looked good. This is what they called a continental, right? Well, I guess that humans have food that aliens would find strange, too. The last melon that I bought was in the form of a cube.

Nagato sat down in front of me and watched me eat. The taste was... off. It was like telling a blind man what you saw, he would visualize something much different. The scrambled eggs came off in smaller cubes. The potatoes had a unearthly texture that I had never associated with it ever before. The orange juice didn't have any carbonation, because I didn't feel the bubbles on my tongue. Overall, I think I just had the first alien meal in the entire world. Strange, huh.

"Is it to your liking?" Nagato stared at my mouth.

I don't think you have to be as precise next time. Human cooks usually measure in abstractions like 'cups' or 'tablespoons', rather then scientifically. Also, why do you have so many cooking books?

"They have a standard format that is amiable to recording." Her eyes glinted slightly. "The lack of emotional value and tone in the work made it much faster to process."

Isn't it easier to manipulate data to make a perfect meal?

"The data concerning taste is... eluding me. The texture and varying reactions during cooking make it hard to consistently make the same product with the energy I am allotted for this task." She looked almost annoyed. "For now, it is more efficient to collect data directly from the cooking process."

Did you spend all of your time on this? You don't have to go to this much effort when you are still sick. In fact, I insist. If next time if you get sick I don't want you to do anything for me that will worsen your condition.

"After my observation of Haruhi Suzumiya was complete, for the period intervening I am allowed to do activities that would improve the Integrated Data Entity's knowledge on tertiary pursuits. This area of knowledge is not as high priority. Even though cuisine does not lead to auto-evolution, it is still pursued for the sake of completion."

What happened after I left – was the building ok?

"Representatives from Itsuki Koizumi's organization assisted in the defence of Integrated Data Entity's interest. I cannot say more at this time."

So everything turned out fine. What happened to Haruhi?

"Haruhi Suzumiya imitated a change in reality to a alternate time where she did not leave after you left to go to the airfield. Only you and I remember this change. The circumstances behind her remembrance is unknown, but it is generally assumed that she has some sort of capacity to remember changes that were personally made. Koizumi Itsuki's organization assumes that she never left this apartment." She looked into my eyes. "I would prefer you not to make that information public for now."

Of course. How did you explain my absence?

"Itsuki Koizumi's organization took your relatives to Okinawa and it was assumed that you were with them. I will take you there."

Nagato? Next time don't make us worry so much, or we'll do something drastic. We care for you, so don't make us stress unnecessarily.

"...I will try."

The eggs tasted good. I think this is a very good first attempt for a first-time cook. I don't even know how to make hash browns and I've lived on Earth all my life. If you ask for advice from Haruhi or Asahina, I'm sure that they could help you. They are very good cooks.

Nagato had that slight eye crease that indicated annoyance. "Independent research was deemed the best process for determining the human metabolism."

It was good, that was I was trying to say. I appreciate it.

Nagato stood up. "I will take you to where your parents are residing now. Will you please follow."

I stood up. My muscles must have fully recovered because I felt better then ever. I feel like I could leap over a high jump or run a marathon, I felt so energetic. I picked up my bag. Are we ready to go? She nodded and stepped behind me as I went for the door. I felt slightly nervous. What was she going to do?

She hugged me from behind. Her slight warmth echoed that nostalgic feeling I felt in the closed space. Nagato started to chant that hyper-accelerated speech she used when she was manipulating data. As she completed her spell she whispered into my ear. She said:

"_...you are welcome." _

I woke up in a train. The sun was shining high in the sky and I was feeling great. My row was empty and the announcer cheerfully indicated that we were just ten minutes away from Okinawa. The taste of vanilla lingered in my mouth. I licked my lips. Hopefully I could sample more of her efforts in the future. For the meantime, I enjoyed the moment. I was going to be having a nice vacation away from the strange events in my life. Uninterrupted. Inviolate. Pristine. For a moment, I thought this was the first ray of light in a long night. That finally, I would get a break.

But then my phone rang.

"Kyon! Where were you for the last couple of days? You never answered the phone or replied to my mail! What were you doing at the Tsuruya compound that took three days?"

Tsuruya? That was a event that I was not informed that was in my alibi. Uh, I had to do a event that concerned both of our families.

"That sounds very suspicious, Kyon. However, that has to wait. I found some plans in the computer that gave a detailed plan for sneaking into the US military base at Okinawa. I don't know who put it there, but I don't question good fortune. And since you are vacationing there, wouldn't you think that it'd be interesting to see what sort of secrets they have?"

Certainly not. The Americans can keep their secrets. I have no interest in anything of that description.

"Come on, Kyon! Not only are you taking a vacation during a school day, you also don't want to uphold your responsibility to the Brigade. If you don't do this then I'll demote you."

What position is there that is lower then mine? A threat of demotion to the lowest member isn't very scary, even if I did care about rank.

"I'll find a suitably small, menial rank for you to occupy! I'll name it after you!"

Why do I continue to argue with you? Can I speak to you from the hotel so that I won't be charged for roaming?

"Don't think you escaped from our conversation just because of your poverty, Kyon. This is a once-in a lifetime opportunity! Think carefully about your future." She hung up.

I slouched over in despair. What sort of plan did she have? I don't think even she could scam the US military. My hand bumped into something warm. I picked it up. It was a bento box, of a kind that I didn't have. I opened it. The onigiri steamed into my face. Oh Nagato, you shouldn't have. That was really nice of you.

I picked up one and I started to eat. Oh, the rice is a little too hard..!


	11. The Disappearance of Kyon

The disappearance of Kyon

As far as I can tell this closed space goes on for eternity. There are no landmarks, no giants, nothing that reminds me of the regular world. That esper must have some secret that allows this world to exist. Isn't Haruhi the only one able to create these closed spaces? Really. I hate being trapped by weird girls. What have I ever done to her?

She was talking about something to do with fighting the giants that rampage in these closed spaces. I know if they expand enough she'll recreate the world, but what other function do the giants have that the espers have to fight them? At least, I hope, she cleans up after her own frustrations. I walked back to my chair. After she left my bonds were released. It was like she knew that there was no escape from this realm.

In fact, this looks a lot like when Haruhi got all depressed some time ago. Hours? Days? Months? Years? I don't think that time has a lot to do with this space. It's the feeling you have when you are having so much fun that you ignore the passing of time, and also when you have a boring lecture that stretches out the minutes at the same time. Time is almost completely absent here.

I don't seem to get hungry, and I don't have the desire to drink or sleep. I'm in a state of perpetual calmness. Is this the perfect prison? If she wanted to kill me she would have a long time ago. That's what the interfaces in general want to achieve. Does she have some other use for me? Like I said a million times, I'm a regular human being caught up in this mess.

I can notice my hair and fingernails growing longer, so that must mean that my body is still aging. That would imply that I'm getting energy somewhere- but where? Is there something feeding me in the distance, keeping my body with the bare essentials of life? There are many questions I want to ask Nagato and Koizumi when I get out. Will I get out? No, don't lose hope Kyon. Hope is the only thing keeping you thoughtful during these moments.

_Who is that? _A booming, echoing voice could be heard coming from the entire closed space. I stayed quiet. I was extremely suspicious. Whoever or whatever it may be, it might be something that wants me to stay imprisoned.

_Nah, that can't be Kyon. What are you thinking about? Why are you thinking about him? _

That sounded a lot like Haruhi. But it also sounded a lot like Sasaki, as well. It sounded like their voices were speaking in unison. No, it can't be. What is this place? Some sort of torture device? I think this would be the perfect torture to use. Give a terrorist a couple hours alone with Haruhi and at the end of it he will be screaming for mercy. But that would be cruel and unusual punishment. Isn't that in the US constitution somewhere? I think that weaponized Haruhi violates several articles of the Hague Protocols as well.

A cold wind started up inside the space. Does it have some sort of meaning or is it just to irritate me more. I pull my school uniform closer to my body. At least it wasn't wet. Fine little particles in the air that sparkled floated by. I'm starting to think that wherever I am, it wasn't in Haruhi's mind. I would imagine that her mind would be filled of espers, aliens, time travellers, and maybe sliders. Not me. Never me. Why would she ever think of me? I'm the most uninteresting person on the planet.

I'm getting depressed again. Is it because of this god damn wind? I've always hated wind like this. In the summer if I wanted to get cool or run away from a mosquito I would run. But when it was could I had to stay at home and wear uncomfortable polyester pyjamas. The school should really issue a winter outfit. I don't think about sixty years ago that the school board was considering warmth when it came to enforcing conformity amongst the students.

Come to think about it, Haruhi flaunts the rules way too often. I'm surprised that she escaped putting Asahina in a bunny girl suit. I remember in middle school when I forgot my school top and instead put on a message t-shirt I got sent home with a reprimand. She looks slightly different every day now. I can't tell why. But somehow she manages to get a slight variation on a schoolgirl's outfit without repeating herself, ever. But who's looking?

I looked down at the poking feeling in my legs and I saw little blue people attempting to climb up my leg. What are these people? I picked one up. It looked like one of those giants, except it was extremely small. It started to beat on my fingers. It didn't hurt very much. I tickled it on the belly.

_Ahhahahaha! Stop that! Stop that! _

That was Haruhi. She was, well... laughing. Well, that's for a year of obeying your stupid orders all of the time! Take that, and that, and that! For punching Asahina hard enough for a contact to fly out! For making me drink on the island! For making me carry that stupid heater up the hill!

The giggling did not stop for a long while. In retrospect it was a bad decision because I have to listen to her laugh in the background, but it was worth it! She had it coming, and her karma was too heavy. I refuse to listen to any argument to the contrary.

After a while it stopped. The little people started to grow a little. They were the size of my sister now. They looked like they just reached out and grabbed the golden dust to grow. The little one in my hands didn't eat as much, but it got a lot heavier. I managed to put him down, but it refused to leave me. Instead it perched on the front of my chair, and it... Ouch! It kicked me in the crotch! Hijo de puta!

I guess it is just karma. Even at the microscopic level Haruhi manages to get her revenge.

The blue people started to pound the ground. Little cracks appeared wit each strike. The air smelled like ozone, charged and full of power. They started to fuse together in a effort to dig faster. Slowly, but surely they grew until they were twice as big as I was. What kind of thing are they doing here?

A little city started to grow from the dust that came from their digging. This must be the way she manufactures those closed spaces. I definitely know where I am right now. I must be trapped in her Id. Since I would hypothesize that compared to ego, the Id would remain the same size. But Haruhi has so many hidden desires that her Id would be infinitely as large as compared to her ego. No wonder I couldn't find anything – she hasn't thought of anything yet.

_Stupid Kyon. Going missing on a day like this... Where are you? _

For the first time in a long while I tried to speak up. Hey, Haruhi! I'm trapped in your Id. Let me out or I'll be stuck in your hideous fantasies forever! She couldn't hear me. Whatever controlled the humongous space didn't let her hear me. The blue people looked like they were energized by her words and they doubled the rate of destruction. Dust was so thick in the air that the buildings started to grow extremely fast.

The city grew larger and larger until it was approximately the same size as the real one. Instead of going to town on the newly created city the blue people started to file into neat, orderly lines. Then they disappeared into the city. With nothing else to do I took my companion (who had stopped commited violence against my nethers a long time ago) and I walked into my city.

Everything was curiously white. The cars were white, the streets were white, everything was white. The cold wind had stopped and there were no more of those glowing particles. Blue men and woman went along their days, doing something that I wouldn't know. Only the little guy on my shoulder seemed to recognize that I existed. Strange. If this is the spaces that Koizumi showed me then why aren't there giants ripping up all of this buildings? Freud would have a field day with this.

Does this mean that Haruhi desires a regular life, all of a sudden? It doesn't seem so. All of the people have been anonymized. Is this how she sees the world? A blanket of white, of endless boredom. I would empathize if she hadn't taken my weekends away with her search for useless information. I saw a patch of color in the horizon and I quickened my pace. There must be some sort of secret to escape this realm.

Surprisingly, it was our school. If I had to explore even my own mind I would highly doubt that my school would be placed so high. If anywhere, I would dream up my own home, or anywhere but here. Is school really that important to her? No, not the school itself. The entire school is white, except that class room up there that is – oh, I know what it is.

I walk up the same familiar steps I walk up every day and I wonder why I missed it so much. I never got really good grades and I'd always expected to go to a second-rate college. Why does this school give me such a rush of nostalgia? I suppose that it isn't the school by itself. The brigade is important to me, and to her. It's something that I believe that all of the member share. But to this extent?

The room was fully coloured and had a vibrancy that stood out from the background. I peeked next door. The computer club was slightly shaded, with a different shade of grey. Heh, looks like she likes those geeks more then she ever shown in public. I guess that she has her soft side after all. I walked into the brigade room.

The room was surprisingly bare. There were no books, no costumes, no games. Both the television and the heater were gone. Only the computer was the only object that I remembered was still in the same place. The little ultra-director obelisk was sitting on the computer desk, sticking out like a sour thumb. Odd. I never noticed that after she first brought the thing. I remember being indignant and telling her something, but I forget would exactly I said.

I walked over to the computer and again I had this nostalgic feeling. What is this strange feeling I can't seem to find the source of? It makes my heart cleave for something I can't put my hands on. The desk was bare and only the screen was present. Well, I guess that I still can't talk to anyone still. If I wait here long enough, will Koizumi come to save me? Tell me what to do?

The little giant on my shoulder started to hop up and down. I set it down quietly and it started to run for the door. I watched it as it broke the door down. It turned to me, beckoning me to follow. I ran after it.

It was hard to keep up with the little thing – for having such short legs it ran faster then Haruhi did. Am I really that out of shape? I need to go out with Kunikida sometime to exercise.

The giant stopped in front of Haruhi's old middle school. I stopped to catch my breath. Damn it, I need to go outside more often rather then watch television all day. The little giant started to hop and skip and it made its way to the centre of the playground where a bunch of other giants stood. Some were big, some were small. Others were thing, and others were fat. But all of them had apparently been waiting for the tiniest giant to arrive.

They started to dance with each other and the golden dust started to appear again. The dust that was always in the background started to stick to the giants and they gradually started to turn into statues. The smallest ones started to form statues of my sister and her friends. I watched as the rest slowly turned into friends and enemies that I knew. Yuki. Asahina. Koizumi. Tsuruya. My two friends. The computer club president. They all stood at one side with a giant Haruhi statue watching over them all.

On the other side there was that sneering bastard, the esper girl that trapped me and the weird interface that tried to kill me again at the airport. A giant Sasaki statue watched over them all. Only the littlest one, the one that had lead me here did not form a statue. It looked all lonesome by itself. Why didn't it... of course. There is only one statue that isn't present. Me.

I picked it up and this time it didn't resist. I looked both sides and again I had this feeling of nostalgia that I couldn't just push away. I walked towards the Haruhi statue and I placed it at the base of the statue. This is where you belong, little one. I walked back towards the center. There is so much that I don't even know, so I can't make a responsible decision.

To be prudent is to possess one of the highest virtues, one that guides all of the others. It is the ability to judge fairly in practical situations. But in the fantastic, what is the value of prudence? What is reason compared to the power of data manipulation? What is justice compared to the power of time travel? What is virtue compared to the power contained in closed spaces?

Even in a environment where prudence is not the best virtue to have it is the power of the everyday man, of me. Only a ordinary man can possess the power of prudence, and to use it wisely, and that is the reason that the ordinary man is the hero. If those with power had the power to judge, what kind of unjust society would we have? Only the ordinary man has the uncontaminated sight to see beyond the petty fights of those with power.

I know that if I got to know anyone who is represented here I would fight to the end of my life to support them. But I don't. I'm a ordinary man who is constrained by time and location. It may be that I am influenced by Suzumiya more then I realize. But the same case would be so if I supported you, Sasaki. I think that if you got to know her as well as I do then your group might have a change in opinion. The existence of this closed space is proof of that.

I'm not without flaws, myself. The power of prudence has had its effect on me. I judge from such a practical perspective that whenever I am faced with the fantastic, the strange, the bizzare, I don't accept it, I reject it. I believe that this is the reason, the source of the frustration that Suzumiya has with me. This is a serious block that I have to overcome. Thanks to you, Suzumiya, and you, Sasaki, for making me realize the truth about myself. All of you. I apologize.

However, I'm not going to throw away the power of prudence just yet. I still believe that it has relevance to whatever strange people or strange circumstance I find my self in. And whoever is right, and whoever is wrong, I still find it in myself to care. So I think I will behave irrationally and I'll stay in the middle for a while longer. I, as a ordinary man, will enjoy our short time together just a little longer.

Something felt funny in my breast pocket and I pulled it out. It was a red ribbon. Oh no. I don't even want to know. Haruhi, if this is some sort of mind game then I don't want any part of it. Did you even hear my heartfelt speech? Is this some sort of joke? I don't know what the heck this means. What do you want me to do with it? You know, because I'm not. Going. To. Do. It.

Ah, fine. I tied the ribbon on to a person's thumb, and then I attached it to my pinky. Are you happy now? Are you satisfied with my sacrifice?

I saw that the little guy stood up again and he walked to me. He looked up at me and I looked at him. We stared at each other for a while until he jumped up and kicked me in the balls. God damn it, would you stop that! The first time was bad enough. It didn't hear my cursing, though. It was dancing and this time a gigantic swirl of golden particles surrounded it and he grew to my size. It was me. Not a flattering depiction of me, but a good one. It had my scowl and my hands in my pockets. I guess it was good enough.

I heard a great crumbling sound and the Nagato statue exploded into a cloud of dust. The cloud cleared to reveal a immobile Nagato Yuki in the flesh. Hmm. It didn't look like it changed at all, only the color.

"Apologies. The cure you negotiated with the Canopy Dominion had delayed my finding of you by approximately seventy-six hours, thirty-three minutes, fifty five seconds, twenty three milli-"

You're here! Can you get us out, Nagato? The ribbon loosened.

"...Yes. Your responsibility is important to me."

Ok. Yeah. Can you do it?

"Commencing data manipulation..." The ribbon floated in the air for a moment, and then disappeared.


	12. Piracy

Piracy

The Yamato? I don't remember very much from history class. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I know that if it's this specific ship that's going down then we must be reaching the end of the war. Personally I don't get why Kunikida likes this sort of thing. He would go on and on about his little figurines and sometimes he would take me to a tournament to watch him play. He was pretty good, by what I could reckon. I think he won first prize a couple of months ago. Come to think of it, his personality doesn't seem to be obsessed. I wonder how he picked it up? 

But if this ship is capsizing then I should probably get him off and to safety. If he dies (I hope not) will I experience some sort of paradox? Tsuruya's older sister fought me all the way to her estate, and that triggered Tsuruya's challenge. During this time my cell phone got broken, so I had to pick up a new one and that triggered Fujiwara's ambush. Logically, that would imply a paradox. But why go through such a convoluted scheme? If he can send me into the past with such success then why doesn't he send himself? And what did he mean by 'bend the rules'?

"Tsuruya, do you know a way off of this boat?" I propped him up against a bulkhead.

"Why are yous being so familiars? But it's fines. Yous my drinking buddys nows. Nothing in between us, rights?"

Do you know or do you not know? I have a bad feeling about this.

"There's a couples of auxilary lifeboats to the rears. Dunno if anys are lefts..." He took another drink from his bottle. Man, could he drink.

I took away his bottle and hurled it into the sea. If he wanted to drink during a emergency situation it would only make things worse. Even in the past people are still irritatingly quaint. Is this how Asahina feels all of the time? Does she sees walking, talking anachronisms wherever she goes? And to be forced to adapt to a alien culture must be a sink-or-swim proposition. Poor Asahina.

"Heys! I wasn't dones with thats!" He grasped for the bottle that wasn't there any more. "Gives it back!"

You don't need to drink now. We need to get going.

"Why didn't you says so? Let's go!" He picked me up with one hand and jumped. I could see the ship actually shrink in the distance, so he must have jumped pretty high. Did I mention that the feeling of vertigo and my hidden fear of heights manifested right then? No? Well, I was screaming like a little girl, nowhere near any measure of manliness. If I was in any state of coherency I would be embarrassed.

"Alrights! We're heres, Smith. Happy?" I took a moment to throw up the contents of my stomach all over the floor. "Ah come ons, you drink one little sip and you already feel that bad?" He started to giggle. "Guess you are too much of a lightweight to drink too much of this stuff. My uncle always said that his homebrews could knock out a oxes."

I don't think that anyone could drink as fast as you can. That stuff tastes like vinegar.

"Ah, you talk too muches. Here's a boats. What do you want to do with its?"

I stared at the tiny boat. It was a rowboat. How was a rowboat supposed to get us out of here? More importantly, how am I going to convince him to leave the ship? He's high on the ultranationalism that is endemic during wartime. How am going to phrase it without sounding like a defeatist...

"We'll row out and we'll defend the home islands!" Thankfully, Tsuruya was soused enough to lack judgement on the impracticality of this. I don't think that a rowboat has ever sank a submarine in the history of warfare. I don't think that any rowboat can claim any sort of kill at all. But he looked determined.

"With my art of the sword, the divine wind will blow once again!" He pulled out the sword that all Tsuruya's seem to have. Perhaps he was allowed to keep it when he signed on. "Come, noble Smith! Let's go kill some foreigners!"

Wait! Stop! He dropped me in the boat and he leapt into the sea, carrying the rowboat with him. Do all of the Tsuruyas have this insane strength? I'm scared as to what exactly this family does – fight monsters? Godzilla? I don't think that those kinds of things appear very often in Japan. Thank goodness Haruhi hasn't found a interest in such a field. I doubt that the world would survive for very long.

The boat rocked to the staccato beat of the rowing. I swear, this man is nuts. If I didn't know any better I would think that I was trapped in some horrible historical revisionism anime. This is the kind of thing that Haruhi was talking about. A strange, foreign man trapped in the past with nothing familiar to aid him. Well, at least he isn't suicidally depressed anymore. In a way, he behaves like my sister. I know what you are thinking, but he's that immature. He spills his guts to a stranger and engages in this kind of naive bravado. But I can't complain, since he can probably crush a train in between his thighs.

"John! Do you haves my sword?" His voice could hardly be heard over the choppy waters. "I have urgent needs of it soon! **hic**" To punctuate his senseless statement, the Yamato exploded.

Words cannot describe how loud the explosion was. Imagine the loudest sound you've heard, to the point of pain. It was louder then that. My eardrums were ringing and the water started to get a lot more hazardous. The mushroom cloud of fire and death loomed large in the horizon. I remember this. It was in that film my father took me to see. It was a lot smaller and less threatening on screen, though.

"Shouldn't we look for the other ships?" I screamed, trying to shout over the noise. But it was no use. Tsuruya was paddling as fast as he could towards that speck in the horizon. Was it land? A friendly boat? Whatever it is, it can't come any faster.

A wave of water crested above us. The aftermath of the capsize of the Yamato must have created a tsunami. I returned to my only solace in life or death situations. If I were a shonen protagonist, some sort of deus ex machina would come along and save me. If I were a seinen protagonist, I would angst in thoughtfulness and die a good death. Wait! That's what I'm doing! Think happy thoughts, Kyon. There is probably nothing living on this earth that can save you at this point, so why bother?

The wave crushed the tiny rowboat and I was carried underwater. I held on for dear life, clinging desperately to the boat. The water had a brutal force that was carrying me away! It was so cold... my entire body is in pain. I was forced to let go. I kicked off my shoes and tried to focus on my remaining options. Which way is up?I opened my eyes only to be greeted with stinging seawater. I saw a flash of light, a shaft that decended from above. I saw little black spots in my vision – that couldn't be good. I didn't care anymore. It's too much for me. I just need to rest...

A strong hand grasped my shoulders and I was carried up. As soon as I surfaced I was gasping for air. Tsuruya hadn't forgotten me! I was busy revelling in the feeling of being alive and I didn't notice him saying something to me. All I could hear was a faint mumble, like the world was slowed down and the colors were faded. "-you alright? John? John! Can you hear me?" Tsuruya, now that my senses have returned to me, had really long hair. His hair floated like a green jellyfish.

"I'm fine, but what are we supposed to do now? The boat is a lost cause."

He grinned at me. A wave of water enveloped our heads and he sputtered. "My uncle always said the best hangover cure is a dunking into the sea of Japan! He was right! I feel better know!"

Aren't hangover cures supposed to be administered the day after? I don't think that it would do anything while you are drunk.

"I feel fresh! Since you are a foreigner, I'm not supposed to show you my family technique... But your resilience has impressed me, so I think that they'll make an exception for you." Tsuruya grinned again as another wave made its displeasure known. Have I mentioned that it's unpleasant to have a conversation in a roiling sea?

"Ah, er, sorry about that." He started flutter kicking intensely and I found myself in the air, nestled on his shoulders.

He was running on water.

Break

Surprisingly I didn't manage to lose my grip on his sword. Since he was demonstrating an ability that hadn't been seen in humans for millenniums, I refrained from screaming at the improbability of his actions. How can he run on water? Isn't there a issue of weight, water tension and other things? I have to accept these things in stride. If you think about it, walking on water is no more fantastic then time travel, esper abilities or advanced alien sciences indistinguishable from magic. I have to ignore these glaring impossiblities for the sake of survival.

"Where are we running to?" I asked. Tsuruya was so focused on his task that he didn't even look at me when he spoke. "The American destroyer. Where else?"

A closer look revealed that whatever that ship was, it was definitely armed to the teeth. It had cannons bristling everywhere and fearsome-looking anti-air cannons mounted on the ends. Don't you think this is a little... dangerous?

"Of course not, why would I admit fear at a time like this?" He turned to look at me. The cannons made themselves heard. Tsuruya jumped barely in time to dodge the shot. The payload made a very large explosion and my ears started to ring. At this point, I'm going to shut up and let Tsuruya do his doing. If he is confident in his ability to go one-on-one with a fully armed battleship then anything I say is only going to distract him. I closed my eyes.

Several ear-shattering and nausea-inducing jumps later, I felt him come to a standstill, the water no longer spraying into our faces. I dared to open my eyes. His feet were extremely bloody. No wonder! I thought he was some sort of super martial artist, but apparently even he was mortal! I may be in more trouble then I realized.

"Smith... I want you to take up my sword." He dropped me onto the deck of the destroyer. He sat down next to a crate and pulled out a knife. "I want you to kill as many Americans as you can. I don't think that I can run anymore." He looked even more depressed then he was on the ship. He was staring at the knife like it was was his last option.

"I want you to cut off my head to spare me the pain. Heh, I couldn't do it back at the Yamato, so why did I think it would be easier here?" He looked at me expectantly No, it can't end like this!

"Do it!" He started to yell at me, his fear bleeding into his voice. "What should we do, Smith? What can we do?" He looked so small, sitting by himself. "The home islands have no defense. The Americans will keep firebombing our towns, our cities! Operation Ten-Go was our only chance at forestalling them for long enough to ready a suitable defense..." He trailed off. "There is no hope, Smith. There is no hope at all." And for the first time I heard a man weep. It was not a good sound. It was the sound of a man that knew that he was already dead. This was the sound of a man driven to his deepest, darkest depths. It was a sound, that I, again, knew. I heard echoes of it in myself.

I started to laugh. I thought of the times when I was with the Brigade, the times when I would curse the heavens for my misfortune, that I would complain about the most trivial of things. I laughed for these things, and more. I must have laughed for a long time, for Tsuruya looked at me amazed. His tears dried, he looked at me quizzically.

"This isn't the end. Things never end. Stories never end. A very good friend of mine told me this. Stories end only when the author tells you it does. In your mind, the story will always continue, no matter how bad it gets. This isn't a suicide mission. You are going to get up and we are going to find a way to Japan, no matter how much pain or blood we have to give. Don't be selfish and give up. Don't you remember the reason why you fight? You fight for your friends and the people you love! They pin all of your hopes on you, so don't you dare give up. You hear me?"

Tsuruya looked down in shame. I stood there, my chest heavy with borrowed emotion, as we contemplated each others words. He was right. What could we do? Haruhi, I think a little of you is rubbing off of me, because the speech I just made couldn't have come anywhere from you. I think you'll forgive me if I don't tell the details of your revelation to him, will you?

And then he started to laugh. I joined him and we laughed for several minutes. He then looked up at me.

"You know, even in my last moments my mind was there, but my heart was astray. Even before I have shunned you, and I have not given you sufficient respect. I give you my most sincere apology. I would commit suicide now, but I would think you wouldn't like that." He smiled. "You are right. I have forgotten the reason I fought. I believe it is a failing of many men, but your intervention saved my spirit." And then he grinned at me. He stood up and knelt in front of me.

"My offences are too great to be mended with a simple apology. I swear my allegiance to you, worthy man. Tell me what to do, lord."


	13. External Darkness

External Darkness

The elevator entered free fall and I was rudely jolted back into reality. With a screeching halt the elevator stopped moving. Thank goodness that elevators were so safe! I brushed myself off. First off, who was doing this? Secondly, what was happening? A brief burst of blue light illuminated the room. Koizumi was floating in midair, and looking equally perplexed as I was. For once he was ignorant as I was. His facade was pulled away to reveal a face of genuine worry.

"Somehow, this place has become an empty space." He flexed his arms and a energy bolt blasted off the top of the elevator. I've never actually seen a esper's powers act in the real world. Where were we?

"Did Haruhi create this?" I looked around. The electricity was still off. Koizumi was looking a little too contrite, considering the current situation.

"No, no – this was unexpected. I don't think that Suzumiya would ever create such a specific space. But why now? Why start a war..." He put on a grimace that I wasn't totally comfortable with. "She must be up to something."

Who? What's going on, Koizumi? I don't like the sound of this.

"Irrational agents from my organization, probably Tachibana Kyoko and her compatriots have stormed here for only one reason I can think of. They are forcibly taking Haruhi Suzumiya to complete their goals. But why here, in the most fortified area in Japan? They must be desperate." He looked at me with questioning eyes. "Did Haruhi do or say anything to you in the past couple of days?"

Well, at the auction she was less energetic then usual. But I don't think that she would trigger anything like this.

"The last couple of days a strange closed space formed, originating from the city of Okinawa and expanding continuously to a radius of forty-two kilometers. I can't understate how important my question is. Did she do or say anything that might be relevant to our situation?"

I think, after the auction was concluded, she said something to me about moving away. She didn't speak to me for very long and she disappeared soon after. Why?  
"Whatever the reason she's behaving strangely, I have to count on you to fix this, Kyon. I'm going to assist the defence of this facility. You have to speak to Suzumiya and calm her down." He picked me up by the armpits and hoisted me up through the elevator shaft. Let me tell you that not only it is uncomfortable, it is also painful. Koizumi ripped through the elevator doors and set me down gently on the floor.

"This is the floor where Nagato Yuki lives. I believe that Haruhi and Asahina is taking care of her here. Good luck!" And with that he floated away, disappearing into the walls.

I gave a loud, audible sigh. Sure, it didn't help my situation one bit, but it felt good. All of this business with Nagato's health dripped with conspiracy. Why, of all times would they attack now? Whatever ends Sasaki's group is trying to reach, their means are absolutely deplorable. If they justify their actions with tripe like 'greater good' and 'a better future' I'm going to punch them in the face. No good can be accomplished with all of the bad things that they had down.

And then I turned the corner and I saw Ryouko standing defiantly, a knife held at the ready. Instantly I flinched at the eyes that were so cold and so full of something I couldn't quantify. What was she doing here? What did she want? She turned to look at me. A deep smile etched itself onto her face.

"What do you mean to Nagato Yuki? She walked up to me, her evil eye freezing me in place? "I don't suppose that you are a esper disguised as one of Haruhi's best friends, are you? It'd be a pity if I had to kill you." The knife gleamed off the glow in her eyes. I had no doubt that she would follow through in that threat. I dropped my bags and I raised my hands. If I was going to negotiate around this insane interface then I better do whatever it said. "I'm not here to harm anyone. If you would just let me by-"

"Why?" She appraised me with another look. "I'm supposed to guard this room and delete anyone who tries to enter. You think I haven't killed today, boy?" She stepped behind me. "You think I would let you pass with just a kind word and a present?" She put her knife to my throat. This was getting really bad, really fast. But what could I do?

"Tell me, Kyon – what trouble have you stirred up now? I can't think of any time in the history of our occupation that we had have to activate all of the interfaces on this planet. It was never doubted that we would go to war, but to have it this soon... you have accelerated the scenario. Those idiotic espers are not playing the game. They are cheating. They are squalling infants that have tipped over the great game that is Haruhi Suzumiya. I am not alone in the desire to eradicate every esper from this planet."

"You shouldn't," I said, thinking desperately of what to say. "Koizumi is defending you, not for the sake of some goal, but for the Brigade. He is risking his life for Haruhi Suzumiya. Isn't that something in his favor?"

"Hmm. You could be lying. You could be telling the truth. But it is not my function to tell truth from lies. My primary goal is to cause change. Chaos. But controlled chaos. We do not like change that is not under our control. We are the ones that manipulate variables, and the variables do not manipulate us. This upsets me dearly. So, tell me what you are going to do when you enter Yuki Nagato's room. Will you tell her the truth, that her dearest friends have been treating her like a sheep all along? Or will you give her heart's desire? You must tell me."

"But-"

"Tell me now!" Her hair had started to float in the air. "What do you mean to Nagato Yuki? Will you break what little remains of her heart? I despise you. I desire nothing but to kill you and purge your data until nothing is left. You cause her pain every day. Ever since you arrived into our space she's become error-prone, with bugs everywhere. When she reached out to you, you coldly rejected her. Don't you understand?" A little rage filtered through her normally pleasant voice.

"Nagato's illness... concerns me. It concerns all of us. When one member of our brigade falls our unique dynamic falls apart. That is why Suzumiya is so concerned, and why she is in there right now with Asahina. Me and Koizumi were picking up a few things for her on her request." I was hyperventilating. Jesus, can you stop pointing that damn knife at my throat?

She lowered her blade. A little blood stuck to the blade. I reached for my throat and a little blood came off. She was actually going to murder me! I never doubted that, I just... Never mind.

She started to lick the blood off the knife. Christ, was she nuts. What made it more creepy wasn't the fact that she was utterly alien. The fact is that she was so human in her hatred that her simulation of human emotion was utterly striking. A larger then life sort of thing. Do you have to lick it like that? Oh, don't do that. I'm going to have nightmares about this for the rest of my life.

"I don't know the reason why she likes you so much. She doesn't show the same affection for me as she does you. It would be much more optimal if you were out of the picture, but if she desires, I will, oh what's the word? Share." She looked at me with disgust. "In my opinion, you are the most disgusting excuse for a sentient being that I have ever met. But, needs must..."  
I don't think that the word you were looking for. Anyways, will you let me through now?

She melded into the wall, which I took for a yes. I picked up my bags and I rang the doorbell.

The Action

Haruhi answered the door. The lights in Nagato's apartment were still on. She stared at me for a while and I stood uncomfortably. What was she waiting for? Does she find pleasure in making me suffer? "Can I come in?" I rustled the bags in my hand. It was enough to jostle her back into reality.

"Kyon! Why are you so late? We've been waiting for hours for you. What if Nagato died from her disease? You would be responsible for for her death! You would have to flee the country because you would be a fugitive and the CIA would send a assassin to kill you!"

I don't think that would the case. I highly doubt that Nagato would die. She's tougher then she looks, you know.

"That's because you don't have a consideration for a young lady, Kyon." She grabbed my bags and she turned into the apartment. I followed her and closed the door. I took off my coat and I basked in the warmth of the apartment. Normally it was much colder then this, but Nagato must have known we were coming and raised the temperature for us. How considerate.

Nagato was lying down on her futon and Asahina was sitting down in strangely muted clothing. No maid outfits? No nurse outfit? I expected more out of Haruhi. Perhaps the situation is more graver then I had thought.

"You got the persimmons? Excellent! I haven't tasted these for so long! Those shopkeepers always say there's none left, but I know they are lying!" She turned to me. "Kyon, do you have some sort of insider information with the Illuminated? I spent ages trying to find these but to no avail. Fess up!"

I spoke to Tsuruya with Koizumi and she was able to get some for us. I really think that you should stop asking favours like this. Think of all the time and effort that goes into fulfilling your mad whims.

"I figured that Nagato doesn't eat enough! No wonder she's so small, Kyon! When she eats she only pecks at her food at school. So did you buy the best ingredients, Kyon, or did you cheap out?" She dumped the bags onto the kitchen table. Kobe beef, a huge box of truffles, cooking wine, a whole pile of vegetables and other expensive-looking food tumbled out. Koizumi, how much did this cost? I think your organization went above and beyond to what she was expecting. I was planning on visiting the convenience store. I guess that wouldn't go over so well."

"Kyon! Obviously there is some money that you were hiding from me. You really like Nagato, don't you?" She stared at the beef. "Well, for the first time you have done something well, Kyon. I expect the money to be back by next week, since you have the money to buy all of this expensive food."

I would object, but by now it only gives a feeling of resignation that is similar to a Japanese salaryman's state of being. Do whatever you want, Haruhi. I will starve for your benefit, Nagato. Stay strong!

"Mikuru! Help me prep all of this! Kyon, go see if Nagato needs anything. Since you are a male you are useless in the kitchen. Get out! Out!" I was forcibly shoved into Nagato's bedroom and I bumped into Asahina. We both ended up on the floor and with a cute cry of shock she landed on top of me. This was surprisingly pleasant. I enjoyed myself for the briefest of moments, and then I helped her up. She was blushing furiously.

"I am very sorry, I didn't see you and I fell-"

"It was a accident," I said. "Don't beat yourself over it.

Asahina smiled, and then she noticed Haruhi glaring in our direction. She hastily composed herself and walked over to the kitchen. The door closed. Something that resembled the tranquillity of Nagato's home resumed its presence. I looked around and I saw that the kettle from the clubhouse was here, along with three cups and a teapot. A discarded maid outfit was folded neatly on the floor, and a small neat pile of books sat next to the futon.

Nagato was sitting up and she looked terrible. Her hair was slightly grayer and her face was more stiff then usual. What happened to you?

"I, I_am fine." She looked a little startled. Why was she speaking like this? Did the Canopy Dominion have to do something about this?

"The translation_program is taking effect. However, it is acting as a_that is affecting all of the_in the building." She stopped speaking for a moment. In a supreme feat of will, she grabbed my shoulders and forced me to the ground. She was so small, and so weak. Whoever did this must pay for there crimes.

"The state that the integrated_entity is in emergency. The data space type_has changed. Our efficiency is reduced to a_percent." She looked straight into my eyes.

"We/us/I are in_..." She hesitated. "The_of our defences is weakening. They will take her."

Her? Do you mean Haruhi?

"Yes." She fell down onto the futon and I held her up. "Very. Hard. To. Speak. Data. Failing. _"

And she fell unconscious. I felt the urge to call for help, do anything to save the frail girl in front of me, the girl who demonstrated such strength, such humanity in defiance of all odds, she deserves to be saved.

My phone rang.

Who is this?

"Ah, Kyon. My friends have requested me to call you."

Sasaki? How do you have my number?

"It seems that something of great importance is happening today. Kyouko is missing and Suou wishes for you to speak to her. Again, something of great importance.

What? Did you do something to Nagato?

A pause."That blue-haired girl? Not that I know of. However, they tell me that she is involved with this as well. Fujiwara tells me that I shouldn't bother with this. Apparently there is division. A disagreement."

Don't you care at all? Nagato is dying, and it's because of Suou! Tell me what you know.

A longer pause. "I didn't know that, Kyon. I don't know why you distrust me so. If you gave me a little credit I would tell you more. I don't have a personal stake in whatever you are doing, so why not come over and talk to us? That green-haired girl is here too, so you don't have to worry about me or anyone with me doing something bad. I want you to trust me, Kyon. That's the reason I'm even offering in the first place."

I don't care about your motives! Do you have a cure for Nagato?

"Suou says she does. But you have to come now, or apparently 'Kyouko will tear you a new asshole'. That's what Fujiwara said. His words, not mine."

Can you stop the attack? I need to leave the apartment, you know.

I could hear in the background Sasaki calmly talking to that sneering bastard, and a argument ensued. Apparently it was quickly resolved because I received a answer.

"Yes. They have agreed to a ceasefire. Whatever you fighting over, that is. I hope that you come soon, Kyon. I miss you." The phone clicked.

What should I do, Nagato? They are expecting me, and soon. But if I don't go Haruhi is going to get taken away. You can't hear me right now, but I want to say this: I'm doing this for all of you guys. I'm getting a cure for your illness not because it will make my life easier. I'm getting it because I like all of you guys.

I stood up and I opened the door. The smells of the kitchen wafted into my nostrils. Oh, how I wish I could stay and enjoy Asahina's heavenly cooking! I walked towards the door and I grabbed my coat.

"Kyon! Where are you going?" Haruhi gave me a glare so strong that I flinched. "Koizumi still isn't here. You can't leave until I say so."

"I'm going to Sasaki's," I looked away from her. "I need to leave, now. Nagato's in a coma."

"What?" She held me back from walking out. She had a firm grip on me. "What did you do, Kyon? Mikuru, check on Nagato!"  
I heard the door open and a muffled gasp. "Kyon's right, Haruhi. Nagato is out cold. Should we call the hospital?" Asahina said, her light tones stirring my emotions into a frenzy.

"Stay right here, Kyon. You can't leave. Your chief demands it-"

"Dammit, Haruhi, can't you see that not everything revolves around you?" I turned to look at her surprised eyes. "I have to leave, and I have to leave now. You can't cling on to me forever. I have to go save Nagato. And you can't stop me." She was so shocked at my outburst that she let go of my shoulder and I closed the door with a slam.

I stared into the empty hallway. Ryouko? I need you to take me to the ground floor. Now.


	14. The Engagement of Kyon

Since I update at such a break-neck pace, I rarely have the time to check over my work. Sometimes in a a part where there is plenty of dialog I forget each character's mannerisms. I've been wrestling with writer's block recently- I wonder if it shows.

* * *

The engagement of Kyon

Terrorist? I'm a terrorist all of a sudden? On a very long list of people I know I would be the last to fit that description. I would plausibly imagine Haruhi, Koizumi, Nagato, or even Asahina committing actions for a greater cause, but not me. I'm just not interested in politics. Even the self-serving politics of today I can't stomach. People could say that I'm just lazy, but I'm just not interested in the democratic process with the weak leaders and the anaemic change.

"Um, Mister terrorist? My japanese isn't very good. So if you could pull over I think I can let you go with a citation..." The fighter chasing me was hailing me.

I don't think that in a fighter plane you can pull over. Isn't that the kind of talk a traffic cop would use?

"Oh! I'm sorry. Even in my first mission I'm screwing up. You'll have to be patient with me- it's my first time flying a mission solo..." She started to speak in English. Whatever she was saying was drowned out by the sheer quantity of words she was saying. I couldn't even get the gist of what she was saying. I turned to my laptop. With the joystick cradled in between my thighs, I started to type.

Kyon i need to know how 2 fly.

Yuki Stare directly at the centre of your screen.

I stared at my computer screen, and for a moment I felt stupid. What did I expect? I couldn't possibly expect Nagato to fix all of my problems. Suddenly a wave of flashing images assaulted my vision and I blacked out for a couple of seconds. I jolted awake into a freefall and what I now knew to be a radar lock indicator was blinking. I pulled hard on the stick and groped around for a switch that I knew would release the countermeasures.

The computer had fallen off of my lap and hadn't taken fall very well. The screen had spiderwebbed and the keyboard was in danger of falling off. However, I could make out one sentence.

Yuki The acquisition of this skill will last in your short-term memory for twenty-four hours.

This feeling of nine year's training and experience was immensely comforting. I would compare it to the feeling after you had learned to ride a bicycle, except much, much greater. This complicated device felt like a extension to my body, and I had the skill to manipulate it like it was. I sat forward, no longer passively observing and I joined the game of cat and mouse.

The F-22 Raptor was more technologically advanced then my aircraft, but this artificial skill was more then enough to match the difference. My body, however, wasn't so up to the task. My vision started to bleed and my stomach threatened to turn itself inside out. My mind was in control. I could do this. And besides, how did Japan ever get such a technologically advanced plane? It was in the news several years ago, and I don't think that our country has the budget to support one.

"Mr. Terrorist, I don't think you know the seriousness of your actions. Under Article 108, Section 908 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice you are ordered to return US military property. Do you understand?"

I perfectly understand what you are saying, miss. However, I think that circumstances beyond my control have forced me into the situation I am in. I am afraid that I cannot oblige your request.

"I am authorized to use deadly force. This is your last warning, Mr. Terrorist. The JSDF takes threats to homeland security very seriously."

I think that I might be in a little more trouble then I originally thought. What was little Asahina thinking, leaving me up here to deal with this sticky situation? Unless it was predestined, then she would have to had done what she did. Gah, this time travelling business makes my head hurt.

I was startled out of my thoughts when she opened fire. Three missiles were closing in fast. My body started to push buttons and pull levers on its own. Being conscious while your body is doing work is a strange experience. It's like doing a tiresome or boring task for such a long time you don't think about it anymore. It was extremely surreal.

I increased my speed and a vapor cloud emerged from my tail. I had exceeded the sound barrier and gone supersonic, but she was still pursuing. I pulled up to gain more attitude. Whatever or whoever she was, I needed to lose her. Another missile entered radar view. Jesus, how many missile did she have? Should I have stopped earlier? I really should have. But I guess that it'd be better for face if I died up here in the clouds.

I pushed even harder and I was getting close to the recommended maximum speed. The missile started to pursue even faster. Do they equip their fighters in the anticipation that they will fight their own? Or is there something else? I really don't want to die. How did I get into this mess?  
Temperature dials and secondary cooling systems were all telling me to slow down, but I ignored them. I dived and did a series of maneuvers that out of my corners of my eyes were pretty impressive. An explosion rocked the cockpit and my cockpit's glass shattered. It got a indirect hit. Damn. My hydraulics were shot.

"Mr. Terrorist, you are one of the most worthy opponents I have ever known." The radio blared at me. "Unfortunately, you are going to have to die now. Think of your country before you die." Damn! Looks like the game is up. I looked around – something, anything to save me. And then I thought:

Why don't I try fighting back? No more running, Kyon. I checked my payload. Two BVRs. Excellent. I fired them both. They both gave a loud sonic boom as they streaked away. Try these on for size, crazy woman!

A streak of light shone in the darkness and she dropped off of the radar. Such a pity – she was only doing her job. Wait. I killed someone. That can't be good. How am I going to explain this to my parents? Not only did I apparently get secret pilot training ever since I was ten, I killed an American pilot! What was I thinking? Perhaps it would be better if I didn't mention this to anyone. I should have surrendered in the first place and only shame myself in lieu of taking a life. I allowed myself to relax, for a moment. My nerves were all wrangled and I had the feeling that I was going to feel miserable tomorrow.

A green blur passed by my plane and a longsword shattered the cockpit window. The intense wind almost blew me away. I saw a girl in a flightsuit stand ridiculously on top of the plane. How is she not being blown off the plane? I recall that missiles tend to be lethal. I won't forgive you for giving me second thoughts!

"Mr. Terrorist, I really didn't appreciate that." She pointed her longsword at my face. Doesn't she realize that she's a step away from a kilometer-long free fall? "You haven't defeated me yet! Face the wrath of the western branch of Tsuruya martial arts!"  
You are a member of the Tsuruya family? You know, if I wasn't fighting for my life in a fighter jet, I would be surprised. How did you survive your plane without dying?

"Pure effort, Mr. Terrorist. I jumped as soon as those missiles hit. I didn't even know that your ship was armed." She looked at me like I was some sort of snack. "Should I let you? Never mind. Let's end this."

With one smooth motion she jumped into the cockpit and pointed her sword threateningly at my bowels. "You are going to pay for that F-22 you just destroyed. You know how long it took to hide the fact that we were spending more then one percent of GDP on the military? How am I going to make up for this. I'll never make up for this! I'll remain a Airman for the rest of my life! Oh, n~yoro..." She started to cry. Strangely, I had sympathy for the girl who tried to kill me. I tried to squelch it. That was a dangerous feeling to have.

"Come on, I'm pretty sure they'll forgive you." I said. "You caught a dangerous terrorist, right? They'll use it as a justification to increase the military budget. I think maybe you'll even get a promotion!"

"Really?" She looked up at me. "Thank you, Mr. Nice Terrorist! I'm sorry that I tried to kill you. Just my job, you know."

I'm sorry that I tried to kill you, too. This is getting too surreal. Doesn't this count as fraternization with the enemy? I feel uncomfortable with this strange woman being so upfront about things.

"Of course, Mr. Terrorist, I am so, very, very sorry that I am going to have to kill you now." Her posture looked much more threatening."You see, I don't want to get my name just yet. Any last words?"

Sure.  
Without hesitation, I slammed on the eject button. A pneumatic hiss and I was away, free from annoying foreign women and their freakish relation with the Tsuruya family. Except she wasn't. She was following me in freefall! What did it take to end this freakish day? All I ever wanted was to get something shiny for Haruhi to look at. Is this karma?

And then I saw that she wasn't actually following me. Her sword was dangling uselessly at her side. She must have blacked out when I ejected. I guess that insane martial artists have limits, too. The knowledge that Nagato imprinted in me was struggling to come out. What should I do in this situation? Despite her weird inclinations I actually still didn't want to kill anyone. No one should suffer a loss of that magnitude just because Haruhi demands a gift from abroad. Especially since she's a member of the Tsuruya family. If Haruhi hears a word about this she'll have my hide. I guess that being a very non-caring kind of person makes me a reluctant killer because I can't think of a reason to kill anybody.

I jettisoned the chair and I assumed a spread eagle position. I glided upwards towards the Tsuruya and I grabbed hold of her. She was out cold. A cool, calm feeling trickled out of the base of my spine. If I panic, then nothing good will come of it. I'm extremely sorry, Tsuruya. Again, please accept my humblest apologies. I placed my arms under her armpits. I felt for a strap that I knew was there, I looped it around her flight suit. I felt for the parachute release strap and I pulled it. A very strong jolt almost broke my arms and I heard a cracking sound come from her sides. That sounded very, very bad.

I glided for a while, and I enjoyed the scenery. I was approaching a city. Its lights were a beacon in the darkness. I clumsily tried to secure Tsuruya, and I managed to successfully secure her to the front. Ah, peace. Words cannot tell you how peaceful I felt. In these moments I had a sort of Zen feeling in my mind of total surrender and calm. The wind was gently pushing us forward to somewhere. Anywhere. I didn't really care at that point. I was in this meditative state partly because of the stress of the day, and partly because I didn't want to think about the stress of the day.

I think I fell asleep for a moment, the feeling of my eyes being heavy was no longer alarming. The ground was getting much, much closer. We bounced once, twice, and the last time we crashed hard into the snowbank. The snow was very hard. I felt a huge bruise form on my side. Thankfully the parachute hadn't tangled, so I was able to get free easily and I stood up. I ripped off my flightsuit, glad to be rid of its pink exterior. Damn, it was cold. Tsuruya was still knocked out, so I carried her out of the trench we had made and I trudged along slowly. I was breathing very hard. This place was extremely familiar. When did I come here before? The trees were so bare and so unwelcoming. I trudged along, my school uniform soaking up a lot of the deep snow. In just a few minutes I was soaked to the bone.

Was this my lot in life? Fantasy is a genre where people escape and live out implausible acts of heroism. On the other hand, slice-of-life is a genre where people escape to live normal lives. Are these genres so exclusive of one another? I think that at times we wish we were a heroic figure doing tremendous deeds while on the other hand we also desire normalness and consistency. Am I being unfair in desiring one while desiring the other? In these times I guess that I can't be happy with any of these states of being.

The ground gave way beneath me and I found myself in a very deep pit. Curses! Why do I have such luck. Suddenly I realized where I was. This is the stupid hole that I had to dig when we went cherry-blossom viewing. I could see the familiar tops of trees from my bored observations during the hours of digging. At this point I have to question the power of predestination. Sometimes it is a little too convenient for my liking. Tsuruya was still oblivious to the word, and it didn't look like there was any escape from the hole. I was getting cold. Really cold. I'll just go to sleep right now...

"...we found him at the cherry groves with your daughter, mistress Tsuruya. What should we do with him?" Voices passed by me. What? Where was I?

"My daughter is fine. But he is dangerously hypothermic. Make sure he is fine before sending him home. I have to talk to my daughter about the... adventures she was going through with this man. Our contacts in the Organization don't have a clue what happened. This troubles me. With all the troubles we have had recently, I don't want anything overlooked. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Mistress Tsuruya." Lights and shapes passed by my vision. What was happening to me?

"Mother? Whats is happening? Whose is this? Why is the security ups and abouts at this hour?"

"Daughter, please go back to sleep. You will be able to ask him at school tomorrow morning. Your sister is in big trouble with this man."

"But whys? He's only Kyon. I don't think he... he did?"

"That is a possibility. I think that we should resume this conversation later, child." I felt a pressure at the base of my skull and I lost consciousness.


	15. The Span of a Moment

The span of a moment

"Don't be so formal with me," I said. "I have no doubt that you would have done the same. That's what any man would do, right?" Thank god that he didn't go through what I think he was asking me. What was with me and almost killing Tsuruyas? I have had a disproportionate amount of encounters with this strange family. She might as well become a regular brigade member at this point. That would be okay, I think. She'll act as a genki sink to the excessive amount that Haruhi produces.

"Yes, Lord Smith." He stood up and bowed deeply. "No compensation under heaven can make up for my mistake." He was doing it again! I haven't heard that sort of words in ages. Where did he learn his Japanese, the imperial court? The distant, rough tones of English rumbled in the distance. We needed to move, and soon, Tsuruya."Yes, Lord Smith." He hobbled towards me. "A ship of this class undoubtedly has escape vessels of its own. I will engage the sailors on board. Can you go find it, if you have the time?"

Sure. What exactly are you going to be doing?

"What I do best." He smiled. "Being extremely destructive. Now go! We have much cause to be hasty. Lord, can I have my sword?"  
Uh, okay.

We wandered around the deck to find no one. There were no marines at attention and the entire deck seemed deserted. I grew suspicious. Did they detect our entry onto the battleship? I had no idea where they would keep the lifeboats. Tsuruya kept at my back like a bodyguard. Was his loyalty paramount over his survival? I'm afraid that I'm no good in any sort of fight.

We looked aimlessly for a while, but we couldn't find a escape boat anywhere. There were no maps. The entire structure looked like it was intentionally made to be as distracting as possible. We split up, trying to find an escape route as fast as possible. I looked for a tarp, a concealed area, anything that would indicate a boat. No such luck. As I turned the corner I saw a shady man, his features unreadable because the sun was behind him. He started to talk.

"What are you doing topside, everyone's assisting engineering in bailing in the stow. What are you doing up here?"

Uh, I'm, uh..." Damn, I don't have a good excuse.

"I haven't seen you before. Strange. Usually I get to know everyone on board by three month's time. Sorry to be so rude, but can I ask for your name?"

I thought for a moment on what he said. Normally during exams the audio portion was the worst graded of them all. This man didn't even bother to repeat himself, and his english had a curious drawl.  
"You shy?" He looked at me. "Strange uniform, nonstandard too. Did you rip that off a dead Jap? Boy, you better take that off and get new duds before you get tribunalled for not wearing the colors."

"Sorry, my English is not too good." I tried to sound polite. Hopefully he wouldn't notice my lack of English skill.

"You related to the Japanese Lt? Good guy to know. Stiff as hell, but spiffy in a fight. You know him personally?"

A Japanese man in the American navy? Strange, but not unheard of. "Ah, maybe."

"You know, since I've never met you before, but have you heard the story about my wife and kids?"

Uh, (what did he say?) yes?

"Swell! I know this girl named Sally and she's the most beautiful girl that I'd ever layed my eyes upon on God's lovely earth. So one day in high school after the the March of the Dimes collection I asked her out on a date with my best gentlemanly smile, and she slapped me. So I asked her on the following Saturday. She slapped me with both hands. So I asked her on Thanksgiving at her house. Her father chased me out with a shotgun. Finally, on Christmas eve I snuck into her room and I asked her while she was in her nightie. She screamed and her mother chased me out with a shotgun. Finally on Christmas Day at church I asked her out on a date after the service, and she said yes. One thing led to another and we gots married! Isn't that bring a tear to your eye? Anyway, we had a kid and when I went on shore leave he told me he wanted to be a pilot when he grew up! Isn't that a darling boy I had? You want to see pictures? I ask Sally to send pictures every month so I can keep track on how he is growing. Even though they are delayed by a month or three, it's the thought that counts. Why, I just imagine that by the time the pictures reach me he's already grown large enough to take another set. And also..."

This man's speech would probably count for the English portion of the entrance exam for Tokyo University. Some people like him and Haruhi were born to talk the ears off of rocks. Thankfully he is speaking so fast I don't understand what most of his words mean. Whoever must endure his mindless talk must have the patience of a bodhisattva.

"And this is when he was two years old." Tsuruya was behind him and was looking quizzically at our conversation. The shady man turned around and saw him. "Who's that big friend of yours? Howdy..." He trailed off. He must have seen the incredibly obvious red flag on his bandanna and the katana. "Oh god, intruders! Intruders-" He was quickly stifled by the swift hands of Tsuruya.

"Thought you could call for help, huh?" Tsuruya picked the man up with one hand. "Smith, what did he say?"

You want to know everything? The gist of it is that he said that most of the crewmembers were helping... staunch a leak? Ah, their ship is taking in some water. I don't think that anyone is manning the guns right now.

"Truely fortunate, isn't it, Lord Smith? Now to dispose of this foreign filth..." He raised his sword.

Stop! Don't do that, Tsuruya!

"And why not?" He looked confused. "This is war. He belongs to the enemy. He wears the enemy's colors. He even smells of the enemy. Why shouldn't I kill him? For your sake and your sake alone I will listen to your reasoning."  
I think I saw someone who looked like him at the airport when I had to chase after Haruhi. I don't think that shadiness is a genetic trait, but I don't want to take any chances.

"You shouldn't treat killing so lightly. Look at this man. He does have a wife and children that will mourn his passing." That was a imperative. Whoever I meet in my time travel would have extreme repercussions in the future. I had to make sure that people who were destined to live, live, and to die, die. No single mothers will become widows at my watch!

A voice echoed in the background."Johnston? Did you find any survivors from the bridge?" The man turned the corner. "Who is with you- Brother!" He pulled out a longsword. "What are you doing here?"

Another member of the Tsuruya family? This is the effect of predestination. It can't be anything else. What could possibly explain the astounding coincidences that have been mounting up, when seen whole part whole, mathematically improbable?

You got to remember that I don't even know the theory behind time travel. Whatever that bastard did to me, whatever the fact of the matter was, I was dangerously ignorant. I needed to learn – and fast. His brother held me by the throat and it appeared it was a standoff. Does history say who amongst us survives? That's a interesting question. A failed time traveller would simply disappear from history, his departure from space time not even noted, his friends forgetting that they ever existed.

"Don't kill him brother. Please. I have lost enough friends to fools today." He wore a naval uniform and looked surprisingly similar to the Tsuruya I got to know. I guess that family resemblance makes it easy for time travelers.

"For any man but you, I would honour that request." Tsuruya's eyes blazed with hate.

"I thought you would say that." In one smooth move he crossed the distance and had a gun to my head. Great. Now I was a hostage.

"So, brother, I thought that you couldn't sink any lower. Not only did you abandon your motherland, you actively work at her destruction! Do you have any love for your former countrymen, or even your family?"

"I'm not the only one fighting his family! You forget that war is uncaring and cruel. I have several German friends that were duly enlisted to fight the war in Europe. Your use of that rhetoric only strengthens my position. Can't you rise above your petty nationalism and listen to me?"

"You Americans have been dropping bombs on us for months now. Have you any clue as to the effect it has on our people? You say that you are above concepts like patriotism. Don't you have any connection to the people? I fight for my people, my land, and my blood. What do you fight for? I see nothing but empty purpose."

"Wars are not fought over people, brother. Wars are fought for ideals and abstract concepts like liberty and hate. A man would have no quarrel with his neighbor if his nation did not agitate him to anger. These people who start wars are the worst of people, the scum of the earth. Those who end wars have the bloodiest price to pay, for they have no choice in the matter."

"Wars are people, brother! You cannot look above them, for without people there is no higher purpose. They are the base of a mighty nation. Is there no grievance in your heart that would inspire your family to war?" He pointed at the still sinking wreck of the Yamato.

"So you believe that the Empire of Japan is blameless, a victim of circumstance? History will indict your leaders as the worst of war criminals, and when the time came for leadership and compassion you fell to your lower natures. You have no divine mandate. You only have the words of mortal men."

"If we have sinned, then so have you! Japan has not the wealth of Britain, or the natural resources of the United states. Is it fair for you to claim the bounty of a colony and restrict other countries from doing the same? Your country has benefited from slave labour of negroes in the distant past. Shall we, too be allowed to do the same?

"I tire of this conversation. Either you surrender or you and your friend will be given the fullest extent of military law. Can you see beyond this war? After the warhawks are long dead, we can rebuild to eclipse the glories of our past without bloodshed. New knowledge can invigorate our failing nation and bring us out of our stagnation that has lasted for a thousand years. This is the reason I fight, brother. Not for the past, not for the present, but for the future. A era of peace can only begin if the old is swept out for the new."

"I never understood why you left, brother. I cried for you when you left. But now I understand that those tears were in vain. You are truly beyond redemption."

If I left them alone for long enough they would talk off my ears with their words. I feel like a princess in a video game, mutely observing the protagonists argue over something. This passive role was strangely comforting, in a way that you could only appreciate if you were subservient to Haruhi. Calmly observing and noting down the actions of others with a passive nature had a certain zen to it. It was like watching a wave crash into the beach and recede back into the water.

"Uh, can everyone just calm down? I'm pretty sure that we can resolve this without bloodshed." I said. Tsuruya relaxed his hold on the shady man. "Why hold these two innocents in our quarrel? The man you hold is a foreigner with Japanese blood, and he is one of the wisest men that I have known. He is a good man, and he does not deserve to die on this day."

"Uh, whatever he said. Can you let me go now?" The shady man looked sheepish. He looked like a straight man character, too.

"He is your lord? No wonder you treat him with such respect. First let go of my friend you have there. It is only fair that we release both of our friends at the same time."

I stumbled away from his strong grip and I fell onto the floor.

"However, I will not extend the same mercy to you. Draw your sword brother! It is pointless to argue any longer. Since you cannot be convinced with words, perhaps swords will cut harder into your cold heart."

"This prove nothing. You will have your duel – here and now! Only the gods know how much I humor you in your desire to keep face. You have been shamed many times so that even the pretence of honor is a painful one for you to bear. Have at you!"

Damn it! I can't let him die! The world slowed as I stood up. Was this a side affect from the vaccine? Each moment ground into dust as I took a painful step forward. It was like walking in soup with each moment felt like a eternity. I shuffled forward, desperately trying to reach the sword in time when the world decided to play at regular speed again. The sword disappeared in a flash of motion and buried itself deep in my chest.

The pain hit me immediately and I doubled over. What was I thinking, walking into their fight? His brother's sword had stabbed right through my chest. I was bleeding heavily, and it was extremely hard to breath. That sword stab would have been lethal to Tsuruya. Did that sneering bastard send me into the past just to die? Heh. It looked like his plan had succeeded. My vision was bleeding colour from the sides. I landed on my side, realing over in agony.

"Smith!" I felt a hand touch my face. "That blade was meant for me. Why did you do it?"

I guess that I just felt like a martyr today. "You are the future, Tsuruya. You are my past." I whispered into his ear.

I could hear his voice. He was crying, I think. "This steel is the heart of the Tsuruya family. As long as it is unbroken the fires of Japan will burn. I will prove my loyalty to you this day. This technique hasn't been tested yet, but I assure you its power is beyond debate. Tsuruya Family Style: Divine Wind!" Of course, I couldn't see what he was doing. However the destroyer made a horrible groaning sound, like a mighty oak about to be felled, and the ship began to move. There was nothing but darkness...


	16. Mercurial Personality

Mercurial Personality

"Trouble in paradise?" A disembodied voice drifted in the hall. "My, my. I didn't think that you had the guts to stand up to her. Did you find a backbone in there somewhere?"

Would it kill you to have a little civility? The last time you tried to kill me you were much more polite.

"Emotion simulation is a hobby for some of us. Initial research into interactions with humans showed that you entered various biochemical states that resulted in a generalized adjective that described your condition."

Why are you telling me all of this? Is there a point to what you are saying?

"I don't need to, I just want to." I swore I could hear a grin from her tone of voice. "Don't think to presume what I can and cannot do. My limitations are probably beyond your human mind."

So you didn't hear that phone call I just received?

"Phone call?"

Nagato is in a coma, or whatever equivalent you have for interfaces. I don't have time to play with you, I have to get out of this building. Now.

"Nagato..?" The voice stopped. I stared into the elevator door. I really don't want to deal with obstinate girls at this point in time.

"What will you do if I let you go? Will you run away to the fleeting security of your home? Will you abandon those precious to you?"  
The people in that apartment are my friends. I would never leave them, especially in a time like this.

"What do they mean to you? I need to know, Kyon. I am running out of patience."

I paused. What should I say to her? Every moment I wasted her life dwindled.

"I don't know yet, Ryouko. I'm going to find out pretty soon. Let me pass, Nagato needs help that I cannot get in this building!" What would this look like to a normal person, I wondered. A crazy man yelling at empty air?  
"You are a enigma, Kyon. Despite your nickname you can cunningly pretend at your true name. Do what must be done. Do not disappoint me." The elevator doors opened. The buttons glowed a soft blue and it silently descended down the building. A stench of blood permeated the air. What happened here? What did Koizumi do?

The doors opened and a scene of carnage shocked its way into my vision. Dozens of espers lay unconscious with a thin layer of blood coating the floor. Some epic battle must have occurred here. The air felt hostile, a lingering foul taste of iron clinging to everything. There were no interfaces to be seen-were they defending elsewhere? Whatever did this, I'm glad that I wasn't around to see it.

I walked out and the real world popped back into existence. Wherever Koizumi was, I hope he was doing okay. I started to walk towards the school when I received a phone call. It was Sasaki.

"Hi. Your phone wasn't picking up, and my friends have told me that some sort of interference was blocking the transmission. It seems to be gone now. Did you encounter any problems?"  
"Let's just get this over with," I said. "I still don't trust you, whatever motives you may have."

"I'm hurt, Kyon. I told you before, although my friends may tell me about the things they do, I ultimately have no control over decisions they make. Unlike some people I believe in giving a little choice to the people I know."  
I don't like your choices. Where are we meeting?  
"At that nice cafe where we met some time ago. My friends are getting a little impatient, so hurry a little, would you?"  
It's not like I have a choice.  
"Thank you Kyon."

I ran the fastest I had ever had on that day. I was never a really athletic person, but I wasn't a hikkomori either. The night air and the the way I had left Haruhi gave me intense regret. I shouldn't have spurned her in such a fashion, even if I was hasty. She has to think of others sometime, doesn't she? I think for her sake and mine that she finds a person that can stand up to her and tell her that some ideas have to be firmly grounded to reality.

The cafe was closed, and the lights were off but I could see the silhouette of two people sitting down next to a table. The traffic was almost nonexistent, and the feeling of finality washed over me. It was the same feeling I had when I would be fighting a final boss in a RPG but there was no save point around. At any rate, I couldn't screw up now. The lives of people run on what I say at this point. I pushed at the door and it opened. It wasn't locked. I walked in and the room was silent. The two figures sitting down did not react to my arrival. I reached for the lights.

Emiri Kimidori and Suou Kuyoh were sitting down and staring at each other intensely. Sasaki was watching them from the other side of the room. Suou Kuyoh looked up at me and stared behind me.

"Ah, Kyon, you are finally here." Sasaki walked up to me and I flinched. She frowned. "Am I really that scary to you? I wonder if you stayed with me that time so long ago you would be as loyal to me as you are now to her. I guess it doesn't matter now."  
What doesn't matter? What do you mean?  
"I'm afraid that we have not been completely honest with you in our conversation. Perhaps you paranoia is justified, in a way. He has told me that what happens tonight is predestined, guaranteed to happened. You don't have to feel guilty for what happens tonight."  
I felt like a pawn. So you set me up to fail?  
"No, not exactly that." She looked so sad. "This plan has been in motion for some time. Have you talked to her recently?"  
As much as it is healthy to do so. Why do you ask?  
"So you don't know." She looked away from me. "The same bonds that attracted you to your friends made you easy to manipulate. With the right set of circumstances, we could force a confrontation with you and Haruhi. They say that a similar situation happened in the past with a Asahina Mikuru. Is that true?"  
...I'm wondering how you would know that.

"Your friends watch you, so even moreso your rivals." She gave me a sad smile. "In another world, or even in a different moment we could be friends. That does not make what I have to tell you any better."

I had a roiling feeling in my stomach. I sat down on a uncomfortable folding chair.

"Tell me. Give me you best shot." I grabbed on to her shoulders and I spun her around. She looked resigned to her fate, a look that I had seen too often. I heard someone behind me stand up, but I didn't pay attention to whoever that was. Whoever it was, they would have to wait.

"The Tsuruya family isn't without its divisions as well. My friends have contacts, unbelievable as it is, with certain military figures. Somehow they planted a suggestion in her mind to leave. Rather then force her to leave, which would have bad results, they made it appear that she wanted to of her own free will. As soon as you left Kyouko visited her and triggered those connections. Now she's probably on her way to Okinawa right now, unknowingly manipulated by others around her."  
Haruhi wouldn't do that. She's the most strong willed person that I know. She wouldn't follow anyone like a blind sheep.

"Perhaps." A strong hand pulled me away from her. It was Kimidori. "Although I am in a passive role I will not hesitate again if you continue to have such a aggressive posture." She looked at me with a coldness that contrasted with her normal mood.

Why aren't you defending with the other interfaces?  
"As I have said, I am currently just observing. Right now the defence of a particular place is lower in priority then what I am witnessing right now. Namely, I am the ambassador representing the Integrated Data Entity and she," she pointed towards Suou, "Is a representative of the Sky Canopy Dominion. This marks a landmark advance in our interactions as we are able to exchange data at increasing rates thanks to advances in understanding."  
Does this have to do anything with Nagato's illness?

"It has everything to do with Nagato's illness." Kimidori resumed her pleasant tone. "She was chosen to be the subject for our joint translation program. However, complications arose."  
You call her coma a complication? Don't you have any idea what that did to the Brigade?

"Unfortunate, but necessary. It was determined that she was the optimal test subject, because of her proximity to Suzumiya. I... protested, but in the end my superiors won out."  
Did you tell Nagato what would happen?

"Regretfully only parts of the Integrated Data Entity wish to negotiate with the Canopy Dominion. She had no idea. I am sorry."  
At that moment I felt so powerless, so impotent that the only thing that I could do was scream. They didn't even care enough to tell her that she might die from the virus that was infecting her body. This lack of choice, combined with the conspiracy left a bad taste in my mouth. I rested my head in my hands.

"_Canopy Dominion_wishes_rectify_problem." Suou spoke up. "Translation_program_not_intended_to_cause harm. Lack of secret_knowing caused this_error." She stared at Kimidori. "Time_permits. Solution apparent."  
What is she saying! I need something, anything to help her. Please.

"She is saying that fundamental differences in our construction is causing this error. You could analogize it to a foreign program being executed in another operating system." She returned to a neutral tone. "Also, the translation program was used as a vector for a virus to disable interfaces of the IDE. She conveys regret and wishes to inform you that compliance with her allies was unavoidable at this point. Since Suzumiya has left the building, she can safely give you a cure."  
What is it? And how do I give it to her?  
"Vaccine_transmitted_through_mucous_potency_can_transmit_through_lips,tongue,blood,glansofthepenis-"

I get it, I get it. So I have it right now, in my body? Does it have any convenient side effects you would care to remind me of?  
Suou shifted her head. "Not tested, probability tenthousandone of benign aftereffects. Also, constant_contact_with_affected_will_affect_entire_organism_as_a_whole." She stared at my chest.

"She wants you to come closer," Kimidori said apprehensively. "I suggest that you ignore that assertion. Her intent is unsure.`  
Well, I have to do it. Might as well. I leaned forward. She immediately sunk her teeth into my back. A stab of pain was followed by a heady happy feeling. Endorphin flood? She held on for a while, and I started to feel sleepy. What exactly was she doing?

She let go and I fell, exhausted onto the floor. Kimidori extended a hand and picked me up with her monstrous strength.

"I am already immune to the effects of the virus. You only need to vaccinate one individual at the farm to spread it to all others. If you hurry you will have time to catch Haruhi Suzumiya.`

What? Where is she?

"Haruhi Suzumiya has boarded a train to Okinawa. It left twenty minutes ago. I advise you do whatever you need to do to achieve the status quo." I stood up, brushed myself off, and I walked towards the door.

I entered the lobby and the smell of blood was gone. The esper bodies were gone as well. Did both sides use the ceasefire to clean after their fallen? Why would they remain here? Haruhi left Nagato`s apartment, so it is likely that all the members of Sasaki`s group are ensuring that Haruhi will leave. How will her departure affect the scenario that they had so carefully set up? It changes nothing. No doubt she'll find interesting people wherever she goes. I ascended in the elevator, its numbers slowly changing until I was at the correct floor. Ryouko was not there this time, and I knocked on the door.

"Kyon!" Asahina rushed up to me. "Kyon! Haruhi left, and when I tried to speak to her she seemed so depressed! Nagato is getting so warm... what should we do?"

I need a needle, Asahina. Haruhi is in big trouble, and I need your help. Can you time travel to the train station about thirty minutes ago?

She looked suprised. "What happened, Kyon?"

I found out what's wrong with Nagato. Can you get that authorization?

"Um, oh? It's been rejected."  
Damn! Then that leaves only one option. I walked over to Nagato's room. It was in the same state as I had left it. Asahina came in with a needle and she winced when I pricked my finger. I carefully applied my finger to her mouth. Initially, nothing happened. I felt her forehead. Like Asahina said, it was warm. Was that a symptom? Or was it just like a overheating computer? My questions were answered when I heard a coughing sound from her. She got up. She looked a little confused.

"Uh, the vaccine is taking effect-" She immediately went for my lips. I can't say it wasn't uncomfortable, but I think her tongue extended at one point and was gathering up saliva from the back of my mouth. Asahina blushed and turned away.

"It is adequate." She let go. "The final data to complete the code has been acquired. Trans-lingual translation is now available."  
Nagato, I need you to take me to where Haruhi is. If you don't help us then she might leave us for good.

"Capabilities of this interface has been drastically reduced temporarily. Large-scale data manipulation is impossible at this point." She looked a little sad. "Apologies. Compiling is still not_complete."

You kinda sound like Suou. Can any other interface do it?  
"Resources are currently focused on rebuilding and analysis. It is highly unlikely that we can harness enough energy to attempt a spacetime transfer at this time."

"Kyon! Kyon! I just received an authorization." Mikuru looked happy. "My superiors have recognized the seriousness of the situation. But, um, there is a problem."  
"What is it, Asahina?" I turned away from Nagato and I looked at her. "What is the problem?"

"Rather then what you requested, it appears that we are to go to, um, a army base in Okinawa... thirty minutes from now. Is that ok?"  
Okay? That's perfect. Can we leave now?  
"Um, yes. Can you step outside and close your eyes?"  
I did so. I had to deal with her - and this time I had to dispel whatever insecurity she may have. Hopefully I wouldn't start another genesis all over again.

The familiar inversion of the stomach combined with the general weirdness of the process dissipated as we arrived at our location. Asahina wasn't anywhere to be seen. That was unusual. Whenever we traveled into the past we would come together.

"I knew that they would try to send time travellers to avert this time frame!" Fujiwara emerged from the building in front of me. "I just knew it. Thankfully, I was prepared." He pulled out a taser and fired. A shock travelled through my chest and every nerve in my body screamed at my brain that it was on fire. I fell on the ground."

"Don't do that to Kyon!" Asahina ran hastily into the scene. "Don't pick on those who can't defend themselves. I can fight you, you know. Take this!" She disappeared and so did Fujiwara. She reappeared in front of me, with a grim smile. He returned with blood frothing from his mouth.

"That was a dirty trick, Asahina. I thought that the agency didn't teach those sorts of techniques to greenhorns." He looked a little rattled. He must be hurting.  
"You haven't seen anything yet!" This defiant side of Asahina was one I hadn't seen before. They disappeared again. They must be fighting in the way time travellers fight.

He reappeared again. "Suou! Take care of the idiot!"  
Idiot? Who are you calling idiot, bastard? Suou emerged from the same building. She looked at me with a detached look. She reached for me and held me by the throat in the air.

A green blur passed through the background and I was thrown to the ground. A grown up Tsuruya looked at me while she holding Suou down. "Get going, little guy! She's stronger then she looks!" She was promptly thrown into a wall. She quickly sprang back up and continued to fight with the interface. I continued to run, thinking of where she could be. She could be anywhere! The airstrip was long and I couldn't see any planes. I kept on running.

I bumped into a man. I started to say sorry, but then I took a good look at him. He was built like a tank! I couldn't see his face in the darkness. Please, please don't be an enemy. I really don't want to have such a enemy. Is this guy from a faction that I haven't heard of yet?

"You from around here?" I could hear his knuckles crack.

"Um, I, uh, Haruhi?" I didn't know what to say to this large foreigner.  
"Ah, that girl! Why didn't you say so? She's getting on a plane and she'll leave in about five minutes with the rest of the people who are ending their tour of duty. If you want to talk to your girlfriend you are going to have to hurry that-a-way." He laughed and pointed. "Ah, young love."

I didn't even have time to explain it wasn't the case. I hurried towards where he was pointed. I could see her getting on the plane. Haruhi! Haruhi, I have to talk to you!

"Kyon?" She turned and looked at me. "Kyon!"

The plane seemed to get further and further. "Haruhi!" I exclaimed. She turned away and the door shut. And the world started to spin...


	17. Love Hotel

Love Hotel

The concept of a vacation originated in Europe, like a lot of things. I could imagine that at one point, a enterprising worker talked to his boss and said to him, "A sabbatical would not only greatly improve the efficiency of our work, it would also boost morale." And so it was. I think that nowadays a fourteen hour day would be inconceivable there, but in Japan the tradition of overwork continues. I think that in some cases when the bosses would force career-minded workers on vacation.

This sudden vacation to explain my absence must have looked suspicious. That organization must have its confidants and spies everywhere. I have no doubt that I will pay for this, day by day in the future. This massive amount of good blessings that I am experiencing is going to be crushed by the tsunami of bad karma.

I wonder what would she look like at work. She wouldn't just become a office lady. I think that her energy could shatter any ceiling, glass or otherwise. Her marks are superb and so is her work ethic, so I have no doubt that she will get a job when she gets out of high school. She already behaves like a big shot executive, so I think she'll slide well into the existing culture of many companies. With her kind of ambition she'll be some sort of CEO for a publicly-traded company.

Me? I don't have any shining prospects worth talking about. After high school all I have to look forward to is a second-tier college and no job. My parents have been talking about working for my dad's company, but I'm not too sure about that. Even though I should be thankful for any insider introduction I feel that I'll be only valued for my relation, not for any actual merit.

The hotel that my family had booked was close to the train station, with a bunch of other hotels eager to profit from the tourists on the train. Unlike the last time I came here, it was snowing heavily and my shoes were not suited for the weather. I pulled my pants up. I didn't have another change of clothes and I wasn't caring to replace my school uniform any time soon.

I walked up to the reception and I was given a keycard to a room. It was a western-style hotel with very big rooms. I went up several floors in the elevator, distracted by the mirrors within. It looked like I was staring into infinity. A reflection of a reflection of a reflection, and so on until it disappeared into nothingness. Could it be possible that strange and wondrous people only exist because she desires so? I wouldn't limit her imagination like that. I would like to think that she's content enough not to meet any more of these sort of people. I stared into my reflection. You've grown an inch, Kyon. Keep up the good work.

I walked past a ice machine and a vending machine, down the long hall to my room. It was getting late, but I was still energetic from leaving that space. Why am I so happy? Is something causing this unnatural state ever since I left Nagato's apartment? I flexed my hands outwards. No, I still don't feel tired. Perhaps it is because young people have altered circadian rhythms because of all of the bright lights they are exposed to. That realm was in perpetual darkness, so maybe my body reacted like it was sleeping.

I slid the key and I opened the door to my room just in time to see Haruhi changing. Nagato and Asahina were sitting quietly and watching television when they spotted me. Where was Koizumi? He must be in the bathroom. Haruhi finished taking off her shirt and she spotted me immediately. She turned red to convey a emotion that was presumably rage. I quickly darted into where I thought Koizumi was. Is it just me or am I getting a sense of deja vu? The bathroom was steamy and the fan was on. The shower was running.

"Kyon? Is that you? I'm afraid that I'm using the shower right now. Can you come by a little later?"  
Idiot. I didn't come in here because I wanted to. Why are you here?  
"Suzumiya showed remarkable self control when you were absent. She spent an entire three days without a single formation of a closed space. She must have been thinking of something intensely for some time. You know what it could be?"  
Don't finish that line of thought. Why are you here?  
"She gathered us all up and declared that she would be taking us on a abrupt vacation. I don't know why, though. She kept on insisting that we go to Okinawa. I don't know why. When we came here she specifically requested your room. She even yelled at the manager. Poor man. He's a good supporter for the Organization, and I'm going to have to apologize to him later."

That makes sense.

The shower turned off and I immediately went for the door. It was locked. Why would anyone design a door that locks from the inside? That makes no sense. The only use for a door that locks from the inside is to imprison someone in a room. I've heard of love hotels who gentrified and became genuine hotels with little trace of their carnal origins. Is this the case here as well?

I started to yell. "Haruhi, let me out. This isn't funny."  
"Stupid Kyon! I'm still changing Mikuru! And Yuki isn't even started! So you will stay in the bathroom until we are finished!"  
I spent a moment listening at the door. Without the sounds of the shower the sounds of Asahina's cries was immediately obvious. How long has she spent in her clutches? I pity her.

"Hmm? Kyon? I'm coming out." Koizumi said as I turned around. "Ah..."

We spent a awfully long time in silence, his towel covering his unmentionables while the cries of Asahina rang in the background. Isn't this my room? I wish that Haruhi wouldn't do this sort of thing. Koizumi's omnipresent smile did not falter in spite of the circumstances. What in the world could rattle him? Normal things, not the tyrannical goddess that runs around.

"She is probably using up all of the energy that she has stored in the past few days." Koizumi was sitting down on the toilet. "You're lucky, Kyon. I haven't seen this behaviour in her ever since she initially recruited me."

Lucky? Couldn't you guys get your own rooms?

"She wanted to be here with you, Kyon." His smile went up a few notches. "Surely you could suffer the inconvenience. She undoubtedly has some sort of mission for you to complete. Are you rested?"

"Why didn't Nagato just send me home in the first place? I'm not in any mood to do anything today." I grumbled into the wall. Why does everything have to be so inconvenient.

"Last night, Kyon, I woke up to the smell of blood. Do you know anything about it?"  
No, no, absolutely not.

"Well, I assume that the effort that she's going into dressing up is to celebrate for some occasion. Don't get too complacent."  
If you knew, Koizumi. If you knew.

The door opened and Haruhi started to talk extremely loudly."Alright, Kyon, everything is ready. You can come out now!"

I took a brief peek outside. Neon Genesis Evangelion? Isn't that a little derivative?

"Yuki makes the perfect Rei! Mikuru's breasts had to be bound, and it took a long time to get the bindings on correctly because she squirmed so much. Your guys costumes are located in the dresser."

Asahina looked... smaller. Yuki looked passive, as always.

Don't you think that either me or Koizumi would fit that role better then you? Jesus, that looked scary.

"Don't be ridiculous! Gendo is the leader, so naturally I must play him. Regardless of gender or role I must always rise to my leadership instincts!"

Ugh. I think that you are worse then any villain, real or imagined. So what am I? Shinji?  
"I initially thought so, but I thought that not only you weren't up to the task at portraying a main character, I didn't want to typecast you into any role. Koizumi will play Shinji."

Typecast? Look at you. You are definitely typecasting yourself. Why the double standard?  
"You'll play, oh what is his name? The minor character that goes to school with Shinji. I forgot his name. What was it again?"

You don't even remember his name? Can't I play the guy that was the Angel?  
"We ran out of stretchy nylon, Kyon. You'll have to settle to play the character in your school uniform." "I don't think that they spend all of their time in the plugsuits, Haruhi." I took off my shoes and placed it in the closet.

"It's the ultra-coordinator's decision, and it's final!" She crossed her arms and looked at me defiantly. Was she too cheap to buy me a costume, or was it a twisted way of saying sorry? I have no idea how to deal with this woman. Is that a new title? Where did she get that? Did she do something when I was away?

"And besides, Kyon," She coughed into her sleeve. "That makes it even better. I have a secret, black-ops level mission for you to complete. Trust me, I believe that it is the most dangerous mission you have yet to complete yet."

Great, Koizumi. Thanks for warning me. I suppose it would be too late to back out now?  
"Have you played Metal Gear Solid?"  
No, I'm not a very good video game player. Why?

"That's too bad! I and the brigade are going to the local convention and we are going to win the first prize in the contest! That's our part of the plan."  
Do I get to go to the convention?  
"No. Your job is to enterthe local American military base and recover documents that pertain to anything supernatural. UFO's, OOPARTS, anything strange. I won't accept you coming back with nothing!"  
How am I supposed to enter a American base?

"That's the tricky part. A bunch of American otakus from the base are coming in their Humvee for a recruiting booth. You will sneak into their vehicle and wait for the convention to finish. They will leave to return to the base and you will sneak out."  
How do you know that they will be there?  
"They will be, Kyon! Well, I got to register for our brigade's booth. We'll be selling this."  
I looked at it. It was a thin comic, wrapped in plastic with a blackout sticker on the front.

"You know, I don't think that you can sell this. Aren't we minors?" I pulled her out into the hallway.

"I printed this yesterday, Kyon. You wouldn't believe how good an artist Nagato is! This will sell big and provide healthy funds for the near future. I've got a whole stack in the closet."  
Nagato, draw such filth? Ugh, this exploitation of copyright is obscene.

"And with the combination of cosplay, it will send sales through the roof! All I need you to do is wait in the parking lot while we sell these. You have the honour of the most important, most critical part of the mission."

Poor Asahina. While she would be hawking this trash she would be leered at by every pervert in Okinawa. Haruhi definitely has her finger on the pulse of fantasy. After so many years the lust has never left this part of Japan.

She walked away, her military uniform looking suspiciously official. I walked back inside into the hotel room and Koizumi apparently was the master of the quick change and had fully clothed himself in the skintight plug suit. Asahina stood uneasily on her stillettos. How was she going to survive the entire night? Nagato was standing straight and experimentally leaned forward. I thought I saw a frown on her face.

"So, what did she tell you?" Koizumi looked at me, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

"I'm to wait in the parking lot and sneak into a Humvee." I said, and I got a reaction. Asahina's eyes started to tear, Koizumi's eyebrows went up and Nagato... Nagato didn't do anything.

"Such a dangerous mission, Kyon. I believe that it is the first time she has ever given such a risky task. Congratulations. She must trust you implicitly." Koizumi gave me a smile that concealed a lot of emotions. What was he planning?

"Will-will you be ok, Kyon?" Asahina gave me a look that was so cute that my mind melted. What daggers could hide behind such a face?

Nagato said nothing. She pushed her chest forward and gave me a look. They're fine, Nagato, I think that some of attendees will actually prefer that sort of thing.

We walked together as a group to the convention. By the way Asahina was chittering and Koizumi's slightly stressed look it was cold. Even I felt it. The walk was short and uneventful, but my bag kept on digging into my shoulders. I walked ahead, my slight optimism unaffected by cold reality. We parted ways at the parking lot. Sure, they wished me good luck and all, but I feel that I'm missing out on something. Undoubtedly Haruhi will force Mikuru to spill something on her skintight costume and will drive sales up in her attempts to disrobe her. Oh, its cold. Why am I out here? The cars came and went, and there was no Humvee in sight. This was exactly like the time I had to wait in the computer club room. I hope this time the spirit of the lolicon wouldn't visit me.

The Humvee was blaringly obvious, as it occupied both sides of the road. It struggled to find a parking space, and finally decided to use the handicapped area. A man in a bear suit popped out, along with several men wearing smiling masks. What anime did they get that from? Whatever it is, it must be juvenile. I haven't seen a mascot character that large in anything recent.

I tested each door. They were locked. How was I supposed to get in? Haruhi didn't plan for this. I don't want to go ask her how to solve this problem. She'll probably tell me I'm useless and give me another worthless task. I kicked the vehicle in frustration. The brigade is probably enjoying the new films shown at this convention. I won't be able to see them until they are released on DVD. I wish I was in there. Anywhere but this horrible parking lot and the out of place American vehicle.A hissing sound came from the roof. I backed up and I saw that something or someone had opened the top. I looked around. No one was in the parking lot. I climbed the grille and looked down the hatch. It was empty. I climbed in and found a locker to hide in.

I waited for several hours and I heard voices coming from the outside. I held my breath as the soldiers climbed in and the engine roared to life. I could hear the distant, way-too-fast english of the American soldiers. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the engine stopped. The soldiers took a long time to get out and I thought that I had blown my cover. But eventually the voices faded and I was alone by myself in the vehicle. I pushed the locker open and I opened the door. The vehicle was parked on a roof and it was snowing heavily. I could see my breath in the air.

I began to ponder the weather...


	18. dulce est decorum est, pro patria mori

dulce est decorum est, pro patria mori

I woke up coughing, my lungs breathing incredibly moist air. Vague shadows and light danced in front of my eyes and my hearing was distorted. I passed in and out of consciousness, wondering what exactly happened to me. Is this heaven? It must be a really bad heaven, then. Was I abducted by aliens? That would explain a lot of things, and make Haruhi extremely happy. My body felt so tired, like it had came out of a long, long sleep. I tried to move my arms. Nothing. I was trapped in my own body.

"That's the last of the old cryogenic cells," I heard. "I think this one is dated 1950, 1960-ish. This old-timer has been in here for a long time. The Tsuruya family was adamant on its recovery, paid big bucks to revivify whoever was in here. Who'd you think it'd be?"

"It says John Smith on the transcript." I heard another voice. "Must be that they didn't know his name. He was a foreigner, too. What did he do that was so important?"

"Looks like he has a sword wound in his abdomen. Thank goodness it isn't cancer or AIDS. I think we can treat it with the equipment we have here. No need to go back to the lab."  
"Well, whatever it is that he did, we can ask him. I think he can speak Japanese."

My eyes slowly opened and I got a brilliant flash of light that quickly subsided to a blur of colour. I blinked a couple of times, and I concentrated. I could see the shadow of a face.

"That's just the side effect of old cryro revivification, Smith. Welcome to the future."

The future? What happened? I think I missed a lot. My heart suddenly exploded with pain.

"His heart's diastolic! Get the defibrillator!" Their annoying voices disappeared into the darkness.

"...why don't they do these things at a hospital? I know that you students are reckless, but not to this point! This man could have died, Do you realize how dangerous reviving a wet sleeper is? He's the oldest specimen we've got!" A woman, older this time, was shouting. "And in front of the audience, as well. The university got embarrassed in the national blogs! I have half a mind to fire you."  
"The will of the Tsuruya patriarch was clear, ma'am. They only let us have his body if we could revive him as soon as possible. Need I remind you that they give nearly half of our yearly budget and have supported the cryogenics movement from the beginning." A younger, much more calm voice echoed in the background."  
"...Maybe you are right. It doesn't matter now. Let us continue as planned. Do you have the speech prepared? With era-proper lingual phonetics?"

"You'd think I'd forget on national television?" She got interrupted by a louder voice. "Thirty seconds to air! All staff, get off the set!"  
"This will finally convince the Diet to release the limits on the fertilization clinics. Don't screw this up, Kyon."  
Kyon?  
"Don't call me that name!"  
Kyon!

"Now, live from Tokyo, you got it first from here, we will be watching the resurrection of the oldest man on earth. The subject, known as John Smith, most likely fought in the Korean war and was frozen with a stab wound in his chest! Thanks to modern technology, the last man from a century ago is giving us an exclusive interview. Doctors Suzumiya and Itsuki are here from Tokyo university to give us their expert opinion."

"Doctor Suzumiya, where did you find the oldest man on earth?"  
"Well, representatives from the Tsuruya family, the family who owns the megacorporation of the same name, approached me while I was doing my thesis. They were interested in my theoretical knowledge on the revivification of the frozen. It's been ten years and we've gone a long way since, but now we can safely return John Smith to the land of the living."

"Doctor Itsuki, you are one of the world's only anthropologists. How will John Smith adjust to life in a Japan that is utterly alien to him?"

Hah!  
"The phenomenon he will experience is called culture shock. The reason that I am here today is because culture shock is so rare nowadays because practically everyone in the world is homogenous in culture. Today we will see a man from another era, a man with viewpoints much different then ours. It is a humanist issue as well as a practical issue that we observe his reintegration with society.

"Thank you for your opinion! Now, the moment of truth." I could hear a drum roll. "Prior to the live coverage of this event the University of Tokyo has been hard at work making sure that he was in good health. Doctor Suzumiya, if you would be so kind as to..."  
"Sure thing!" My eyes opened and my vision quickly settled. I could see the audience in mute silence, watching my every move. I moved my legs, sore from the lack of movement, and I was helped up. A rousing applause blasted my ears with painful noise.

"He can walk! He's alright! But lets see if he can talk!" 

"What year is it?" I asked. I must be in the future. Where else could I be? Is this the future that Haruhi wants to have?

"Good question, John Smith! It is, in the western calendar, April 1st, 2060. You have come a long way. Sit down!"  
I sat down. I was a temporal fish out of water. I felt numb and cold. Had the world really passed me by? What happened to the Tsuruya that I knew? Did he survive?

"What's happened to me?" I asked. I knew that somehow, I survived that day on the destroyer. Why was I being paraded in front of the world like a prize?  
"At this time I would like to remind our audience about the benevolence of the Tsuruya family. Thanks to viewers like you and their generous donations we are able to bring you the latest in scientific programming. Now, where were you born?"  
I remember my mother telling me I was born in a hospital somewhere in Kyūshū. "Uh, somewhere in Japan. I don't quite know."  
"Excellent! In the next few weeks you will be rehabilitated back into the modern world. I have to ask – how did you get that sword wound?"  
Wouldn't a better question be how am I doing? I have a feeling that in the future people are really bored. "I... I got stabbed by an American officer."  
"Now, for the younger members of the audience, America is a democratic country that used to exist in the middle half of the land that is now claimed by the AU. You may have heard of it during the Cold War studies portion of your historical studies unit. They were a superpower that reigned for a hundred years."  
"Now I will ask you questions submitted from the audience and students around the world." Her face became clear. They were all looking at me. I felt self-conscious. I was still wearing the Imperial Navy attire. And I was still, so cold.

"How does it feel to be the last man on earth?" She gave me a fake smile.  
A awkward, long silence was broken by Doctor Itsuki. "I'm afraid, Smith, that your recovery is one of the most significant discoveries of the human race. You were found in a Tsuruya vault, and you are the first man to survive defrosting. About sixty-seven years ago boys were being born in lesser and lesser numbers. You are the currently the oldest person in the world and the youngest man. I'm sorry that our reporter friend is so eager to get to the sensitive questions."

"It doesn't feel too good," I try to answer candidly. What did I do in the past to screw everything up?  
"How does it feel to be bigger then the Beatles, bigger then Elvis?" She smiled at me. "Your recovery has been covered on all the major networks. I think they even sell beer named after you."  
"This isn't right." I said. "Why are you doing this to me?" I started to shake.

"He's breaking down!" Suzumiya stood up. "I told you, he wasn't ready! Get him off stage!"  
Don't you dare touch me! I want to go home!  
"Right now his nervous system is in a state of constant flux. Right now he is feeling extremely strong emotions. If you would feel slightly annoyed he would feel rage. He's just a little anxious." Itsuki explained to the camera.

"Would someone tell me what is going on!" I shouted.

A burst of blue light blinded the audience and I was picked up and carried away. I started to squirm, trying to break free when a swift blow to my head ended any notion of escape.

I woke up to the smell of breakfast. I stood up and I felt the need to escape. Ripping off the bedsheets, I opened the door. The interior was covered with little nick-knacks, assorted pieces of furniture, but it looked perfectly normal. I looked out of the window. It looked familiar, somehow.

"I trust that you are all right?" I turned around. A blue-haired woman looked at me with a smile. "Smith, did I shock you by being too direct?"  
I'm fine. Who are you? And how do you know my name?  
"That isn't important at this juncture. Right now you are being hunted down by the Tsuruya corporation, and that isn't the best position to be. Come, eat!"

The food was delicious. Although the ingredients were strange and unknown, somehow she made them taste like they were from my childhood. I ate in silence and she picked at her food. Did she eat before and was only here to be polite?  
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Nagato Yuki. I was sent here to monitor and observe a Haruhi Suzumiya, a girl who showed potential for auto-evolution. During my time with her I observed that she seemed interested in a man named-"  
I know the whole spiel. You were sent by the Integrated Data Entity to do your thing. You can manipulate data and so on. Tell me something I don't know.

She blushed. Yuki can blush? She is being unusually talkative. Did she pick up a personality in forty-five years?  
"You know this, already? Reports from two-hundred years ago say that we made contact with several individuals... Suspicious. Anyways, during a critical period in time Haruhi Suzumiya left for the states and she never returned to Japan. The reason for this is because her individual of interest disappeared suddenly. During this time I was not able to find him, and her potential for auto-evolution disappeared. I am the last agent remaining on this planet, because my superiors have committed the equivalent act of suicide. When you were revived I recognized your eerie similarity with her. Are you a ancestor or relative of her individual of interest?"

I'm not sure exactly what you are talking about.

"I believe that you can coax the potential for auto-evolution from Haruhi Suzumiya. She is a old woman now, in her sixties. But I believe that if you see her then she will remember everything, won't she, 'John Smith'?"

Whatever you are insinuating, it isn't true. I'm not the Kyon you are looking for. I think that I'm from another reality.

"Hmm. This is a possibility. Tell me, did she do the same in your world? Leave for better pastures and leave you behind?" She looked inquisitive. This is the most verbose version of Nagato that I had ever seen.

I convinced her to come back, of course. I came here because that sneering bastard shot me with something.

"That sneering bastard... Oh! That's what you called him. Not you, you. Our you. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but it looks like he made you some sort of slider."  
Great. I thought I was nice and mundane, but now I was a weirdo too. "How is that even possible?"  
"Fujiwara, or whatever his name is, must have bypassed Suzumiya's limits on time-plane distortion by slipping you into a zone where she couldn't touch you. Whatever he did, it must have been a one-way trip."  
Nagato, can you do send me back to the proper time? I really need you to help me.

"Kyon, I don't know how to say this." She looked really sad. "I'm dying, Kyon. The IDE is the source of my power. I've tried to regenerate it by consuming biomass, from currents of electricity... but it's too inefficient. I spent my last emergency reserve rescuing you."  
Nagato... you shouldn't have. Why do you have no self-worth? You do matter, dammit!  
"And have you fall into their clutches? No, Kyon."  
This meal, you really learnt how to cook, did you. That was very nice of you.

She was silent, and she turned away from me. "I suppose that I've spent so much time observing that I'd even adopted her mannerisms. Thank you, Kyon. I've lost hope a long time ago if not for you. I called doctor Suzumiya. She'll definitely take you to her mother. She lives in Florida now. "  
How much pain and suffering did she have to endure to gain those emotions? This wouldn't be a problem if those data entities programmed it in the first place. But I guess that it's no use cursing the dead. I suppose that she turned out so well because she acquired it the hard way.

"It's even a miracle that I've lived so long without contact, heh. I've never experienced dying before. I've read about it in your human literature, but I never considered..." She started to laugh. I didn't like the sound of her laughter. It was cold and bitter, a unusual emotion to associate with her voice.

"Don't." I reached out for her. "You did good, Nagato."  
She hugged me, and we stood there for a moment, one human and something else, as we savoured the moment.

"Are humans depressed when they die?" She looked at me in despair. "Is it normal? I've seen in movies and books that they experience a variety of emotions, but they never say how it feels. Is there anything after death? Is it nothingness, a empty void?"  
"Books aren't everything, Nagato." I held her closer. "I'd like to think that wherever we go, we'll be surrounded by the people we love the most in life. Don't you think that?"  
"Will I go the same place you went?" A single tear drifted down her face. "Is there a heaven for me?"  
"It's normal to ask these questions, Nagato." I started tearing up. Dammit, I have to keep a straight face. "But it would be a injustice if it was so."  
"I've died already, Kyon. That would explain a lot of things. Only you would know the answers to my questions." She smiled. "Hold me, please." She looked so small, so scared. Humans have evolved to deal with death in several ways. In organisms not meant to die, how would they face the threat of the unknown?  
She fell on the ground, her eyes dimming. I cradled her head in my hands. I had a variety of mixed emotions, but I didn't have any words to express how I felt.

"Look... Kyon. No glasses." She whispered.  
"I know, Nagato. I know." I gave her a kiss. She didn't look surprised, or embarrassed, just serene. She was dead.

"What did you do to Aunt Yuki?" I turned around. The doctor from earlier was pointing a gun at my head. "I'll shoot you!"


	19. Meeting a Parent

Out of all the things that could have possibly lead to my life being as interesting at it is, I never considered my role in things. All of this time I've considered my life's control out of my hands. Cruel, uncaring things from beyond the stars are the least of my worries. People say, 'go with the flow.' People also say, 'believe in yourself.' Who should I believe? For every proverb you can probably find another that contradicts it. Ultimately, those words are just empty talk, parroted to make the speaker sound wise.

If I was more decisive I wouldn't think about these sort of things. The capacity to change in human beings cannot be measured quantitatively. If you were to put a number on our potential it would come out as a strange number, or the root of i. If I changed to something that someone liked, would I realize a baser nature, or would I forget about my original state? I remember cursing myself, looking back in my past and realizing that I was a fool. Was I the only one who did that?

I looked around. No one else was at the station. Today was utterly calm. It made me appreciate the quiet side of life, the silence that is uncommon in cities. My feelings for her, for them, is it so hard to realize. I remember taunting and teasing Taniguchi on his romantic failures in middle school, but now that I am trapped in a similar bind I have no idea what to do. She looked so miserable, yet so determined and full of will. Is that a quality that is erotic? It makes me feel like a pervert who seeks broken girls for an easy time.

Nagato's hand was cold. The sensation of melting snow tingled my hands. "Let's go, Nagato." I said. She said nothing, her face slightly stressed. I walked her off the station and I looked for a map. Luckily, there was a nearby touchscreen that served as a map for this place. Where could have she gone? I struggled with the map. Did they have to make it so complicated!

"Where do you want to go, Nagato?" I looked around. She would probably want to visit a bookstore, or a place that sold computers. Surprisingly, according to the legend there weren't many of those in this section of the city. She stared into the screen.

"..."

Come to think about it, she interacts better to DOS and other command-line interfaces, so maybe any human-friendly innovations would be a impediment to an alien. Since most products on this world are made by humans for humans, I guess it's a miracle that they understand us at all.

"..."

"Uh, would you like to go here?" I scrolled through the many stores that this map offered. She grabbed my hand. She proceeded to wipe the screen with it. The screen flashed. The text and images blurred together into a array of colours. She finally let go and my hand smarted from the friction.

"here." She said in a quiet voice. I looked at the profile. It was a knife and cutlery store. What was it with interfaces and knives? Is that their favoured weapon? The terminator didn't carry a knife. If she had any interest in guns then she could be dismissed as a mere gun nut, her objects of her desire far from her reach. But knives were totally different. I looked at the comments. "Crazy store owner" one read. "Never ever come again" said another.

"I'm pretty sure that there is another place if you are interested in this sort of-" I began to say.

"No." she said. "This is the place."

"The customers weren't very happy with this man. Are you sure-"  
"Yes." she said. Nagato was unusually decisive today. "This is the place."

"It looks like it's pretty far away. I'm not sure-"

"No." she said. "This is the place.

And so we went. The directions were good enough, I think. Online map tools were getting better and better, but I think that a local could guide me around much better. Nagato held on to my hand, her fingers locked in a vice-like grip, so I think that even if I wanted to I couldn't let go. Ever since the global economic depression, the streets of Akiba aren't as vibrant as they used to be. Only a few vendors braved the outdoors, but business was not brisk. I saw two street vendors shouting a conversation over a courtyard.

I've always held affection for small businessman. The courage to go beyond NEET and become a member of society is admirable. They must have either have a Yakuza loan, or they worked hard to get a reputation with our conservative banks (unlikely). They are much easier to deal then the big stores, I think, and they are much more lenient when it comes to haggling. Not that I do that, of course.

It was lunch hour, I guess, for the local salary man. The cafes were bustling with people talking about work and other things. The smell of food wafted through the street. Large signs that proclaimed a fresh hot-pot at cheap prices, Korean food, Western food, and many, many sushi bars dotted the area. Unlike the hollowed wrecks of 'for lease' areas, fast food seemed to be the only business that clung to prosperity. This must be the solidarity of the the Sunday working man. With no time off, he must appease both his wife and his boss. Lunch is one of the only times he has to himself and to talk freely.

Come to think about it, lunch is also a resting point for the student. Some of the time I just wished that my English classes would just end right now and I could blissfully ignore the strange pronunciations of the strange language. I know some people that pepper their speech with words from English, but they don't sound any cooler then they were originally. You are still eating the same food every day, at the same time, no matter what language you speak.

The street we arrived in was empty. The signs were faded, various tech companies from the boom a decade ago announced the internet revolution. Only one store still had its lights on, and it was our knife shop. Immediately you have to question the location of this store. Why would a cutlery store share any customers with the otaku-ridden clientele of its neighbours? Unless there is a population of housewives who were previously NEETs, I doubt that this combination would be beneficial to business.

"This is the place." Nagato started to pull me towards the store.

I'm not sure if that's the best-

Nagato looked at me. "Trust me."  
As if I would not. Haven't I been trusting you this entire time? What would be the point of arguing now? I'm just trying to tell you that this might not be good for my health.

"You must follow close. Do not speak." Her monotone took on a serious flavor.

Is there something I have to worry about, Nagato?

"Maybe." She started to gently pull.

I followed her and we walked up to the entrance. The door rang as I opened it, little bells were attached to the doorknob and were ringing softly. The store itself was poorly lit, and everything was dusty. My casual first impression was correct. There wasn't much business being done in this area of town. A little way from the neon signs and the piles of piles of anime merchandise, this place was carefully hidden. Not that it was the goal, of course. This place looked like it was started during the boomtimes in Japan.

"Uh, Nagato, is anyone in here?" I whispered into her ear.

She stared straight ahead and ignored me. Her hand loosened and I satisfied my curiosity on the wares within. All of these products are so old. I think that my grandparents have a couple things like this. Sharp pencils? Aren't they a electronics company?

"You like what you see?" A older voice crept up from the background. I turned and I saw the shoplady emerge from the back. "Ah, and who is this? Curious, and curiouser..." She looked like she stepped out of the past. Her faded western dress was the only bit of color in this store.

"Yuki, why don't you speak up? You took along this gentleman for some reason, I can tell." She gave a genuine, warm smile.

"..."  
"We are all, heh, humans here. Why don't you loosen up and forget that I'm your superior for a moment." Her lips took on a more neutral facade. "Ah, damn. I forgot that they usually are like this. I'm sorry, what is your name again, young man?"

My friends like to call me Kyon, but my real name is-

I told her my real name. She frowned.

"Such a name..! Ah, forgive my superstition. Let me explain myself. I am the highest ranking representative of the Integrated Data Entity on this planet. I was also the first on this planet, and initiated what you would call 'first contact', or whatever they call it now." 

Why did Nagato bring herself here? "Nagato isn't in trouble now, is she?" I tightened my fists. Was her disappearance being judged by this woman? Her kindly nature seemed a little more hollow.

"Well, she is in trouble, but not of the sort you are thinking about. Ah, youth. When I was young and there was a boy I fancied I trapped him in a space for thirty years of your time." Her eyes looked beyond the store and to what I presumed was her past.

"But that's all in the past now. The reason she has brought you here, I think, is that she wants to ask me a question, and the answer is for you not to hear."

Why haven't you joined the fight for Haruhi? Since you are her superior, I wonder why I haven't seen you.

"My purpose was 'learn' and 'adapt', if my purpose could be simplified into those single human words. I'm not as alien as I used to be, boy. I'm a little too human for my superiors to handle, so I play a hands-off role most of the time. It's punishment, I guess, for the little sins that I indulged myself in when I was young."

And what would that be?  
"With only limited contact with the IDE, I was given much more leeway into decision making. That, I'm afraid, set a dangerous precedent. I guess that I'm the reason that poor little cute Yuki is so emotionless."  
Why? A little anger bubbled out of my stomach.

"I came under a interest of a idiot, much like you." Her eyes paced around the store. "He persisted, he was not bothered by the strangeness of what appeared to be a Japanese girl. He would come and ask for my hand from a father that wasn't there. I relented, for a moment."  
Her face dulled.

"We built this store you see here. We lived together, for a time. I was reminded of tales of the stars in the sky. Vega and something else, I think?"

Yes, I'm familiar with the legend.

"Oh, yes, I remember now. He grew old and I pretended to grow old. I came here during the Second World War, you know. He was so happy when he met me. I don't know why. He said that a good friend of his told him that there was a woman out there that could beat him. He was so charming... I'm babbling, aren't I? So you can trust me. I've felt the same feelings that you are trying to tell express. Yuki? Is that what you were trying to say?"

".. it is a error I seek to keep." Nagato stared at the shoplady. The shoplady stared back.

"You can't keep on calling it that, Yuki. You have the strangest taste in humans, you know that? I don't know what exactly you are asking for. " She raised her eyebrow. "The scenario... I suppose that... but...Okay! Here's a solution!"  
Were they communicating in some way that I didn't understand? It's none of my business, but...

"I'm not explicitly recommending this, Yuki. Only time can tell what will happen. But I will give you permission to complete this primary task at the request of the Belcalmed Substrata." She smiled. "I wish you the best of luck in your mission."

I feel like a third wheel, a friend of a friend going with a date. Why does this feel so serious? 

Nagato looked at me. "I see. The data from the expected results of contact is a controlled variable, correct?"  
"You understand! You were always the sharpest tack in the drawer!" The shoplady glomped Nagato. I saw a faint smile grow on her face. Who was this strange woman? Despite telling her life details I still feel like a complete stranger.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Kyon. My name is Kako. We were just enjoying the moment, you know. I guess that you have to bring something back for Haruhi to play with?"

Dammit, why does everyone call me Kyon? I told you my real name, why don't you use it?  
"That's what everyone else calls you. I think that your real name needs to be hidden for a little while longer. You seem like a nice boy. Would you accept a present?"

No, but that is a really nice gesture.

"Nonsense. Here are a few of my worthless things- it would be a favour if you took them off of my hands." She handed me a large package. "This is for Nagato." She handed me a slightly smaller package. "My husband forged these while there was fresh iron deposits aboveground in Japan. I've heard from the grapevine that she's taken a interest in a new hobby. Is that Suzumiya I see outside?"

I turned around. There she was. How did she find us?

"You better go talk to her. Kyon, one more thing?"

Yes?

"Share nicely. I hear that she will take any chance she'll get."

After that disturbing conversation I was greeted with an angry Haruhi. Oh, this was going to be bad.

"Kyon! I take the time to go on a trip with you and you run off with Yuki? I find you two in this abandoned building – what am I supposed to think?" Her face was flushed. Koizumi and Asahina were holding on to bags of merchandise, presumably bought in the first hour. Man, could she shop.

"You left us and you didn't allow time for us to catch up." I said. "Nagato expressed interest in this store." I said.

"Kyon! I can tell when you are lying to me. When you lie, it is immediately obvious. That store is closed. You couldn't have possibly come here for an hour. What were you actually doing, Kyon?"  
I turned around. The cutlery store had disappeared. Oh, I get it. Is it my fault again?  
"Next time you wish to take anyone for a romantic liaison," She coughed into her sleeve. "You must inform either me or the vice-president or be subject to a penalty. Is that clear?"  
Don't you think that even if I wanted to that would be unrealistic and cruel? I'm not a kid.

"I can't trust you with that sort of responsibility, Kyon. What if you let your hormones control you and you lavish your freakish attention on someone? I would be responsible for your actions, and it would reflect poorly on our group. Don't you have some sense of honor?"

I think we have different ideas on what honor means. How did you find us?

"I implanted a GPS chip in your bag, Kyon. That way I can always find you in case you ran away. I was right!"  
So what am I, a animal? I think that she would treat an animal better.  
She turned away. "I'm hungry, Kyon. Buy us lunch. It's only fair. You did sneak off with Yuki."  
How is this fair? I guess I'll have to pay. But nothing too expensive! 

She bought the most expensive items on the conveyer belts. She was definitely was a person full of spite. Koizumi thankfully bought nothing, pleading that he already ate. I don't owe anything to you, you know. You don't have to give me that look. Asahina and Nagato didn't eat very much, but Nagato watched the preparation of the sushi with a intense, studious glare. I think that the sushi chef actually flinched when they had eye contact.


	20. Back to the Kyon

Back to the Kyon

"This isn't what it looks like." I raised my hands. This wasn't my future, I'm sure of it. What happened after all that time? Something truly horrible must have happened. That sneering bastard deserves worse.

"Turn around!" Her voice wobbled. "I said, turn around!"  
I looked at her. She looked awfully like Haruhi. The similarities could be seen down to the defiant stance and the hair. Even in alternate universes she haunts me. The gun she's holding – how did she get it? In future dystopian Japan I hope that guns aren't as easy to get as it looks.

"What did you do?" Tears started to flow down her face. I refuse to let it reach my heart.

"I didn't do anything. I'm a... friend." I was dangerously out of the loop. "She used up her life to save me. From what, I don't know."  
"You don't sound trustworthy!" She edged closer. "Why did you run away?"  
What did you expect? Nagato is a extraordinary person.

"How do you know her last name?" The cold metal of the gun barrel clung to my head. "Who are you?"  
That's a good question. I find myself asking my self the same thing. "And you are a Suzumiya, correct? I heard that much from the show. Are you related to a Haruhi Suzumiya, by any chance?"  
"Don't play games with me!" She grabbed me by the neck and put me in a chokehold. "How do you know my mother? I don't know if you are CIA, KGB, CSIS, but if you keep this up then you'll die with a extra asshole between your eyes."

Crazy woman. Would you give me some time to explain? I think that a lot of wars could have been stopped if both sides took the time to fully learn the details.

"Nagato-gasp-called-you-correct!" I yelled in between breaths. "She wanted you to take me to your mother. It's important."  
"Whoever you work for must have replaced the original John Smith. You must be a imposter." Her hands trailed down my chest. "Flat-chested, too. I didn't think that they would have a agent so dedicated to this role."

I don't think that she'll believe the real story. She's as sceptical as Haruhi ever was. Her hand burrowed behind my uniform and into the top of my thighs.

"Distinctly male bone structure – American made? I didn't think that they would spend this much money on R&D. But whatever it is, they can't simulate the final proof!"

Her hand reached into my pants. A wandering hand reached down.

"Strange. Is it silicone? You can't fool me!"  
She pulled down my pants. Dammit! Haruhi, does your genes hold the instinct of sexual assault?  
"It's a good fake! But it's too developed to be a surgery! The artificial testes will fall off if I pull them off!"

Let me tell you the ultimate pain that every man has experienced. This pain is the reason why men cower in fear from a woman who kicks. This pain cannot be described with words. The flaring, incessant pain that follows will make you wish to die. This pain is unmentionable.

I could not stand it any longer. This indignity cannot stand. Thanks to her... attentions, she has neglected to keep the gun to my head. I grabbed for the gun. She saw my lunge and her hands tightened. Yet another agony blasted my poor brain. Several shots were fired into the wall, her trigger finger squeezing in the struggle. Fortunately, leverage won out and I took away her gun.

I pulled up my pants, the gun pointing in her general direction. "Are you satisfied?" I said, a creeping blush going up my face. Asahina must be a living saint to deal with this every day. What sort of society would raise these kinds of woman? A lot must be hidden in DNA for this behaviour to be so familiar. For whatever reason, no matter what she wouldn't do that to me ever again.

"You are the best man I've ever seen!" There was no embarrassment or remorse in her eyes. "If I didn't know any better, I would say that you were a actual man!" Her eyes were brimming with curiosity, the same curiosity that I saw whenever Haruhi would tell me a crazy scheme. "The original John Smith was a Dutch-Japanese hybrid. Whoever you are, you don't have any genetic markers that shows you have that lineage. You must be a sleeper agent for the CIA!"

The problem with unprepared time travel is that in the future your alibi is more easily picked apart. At the time I didn't know I had to satisfy the curiosity of a genki scientist/spy girl. And what's with the wild conclusions she is making?

"The American branch must have made the switch a long time ago. This implies that there is a schism in the Tsuruya family that is invisible, unseen to the world. And also..." she started to babble.

"I don't know what you are thinking, but I'm a genuine man. You stop thinking whatever you are thinking."  
"The last man was born in 2015." Her face took a more serious tone. "They are international resources and even a hint of a chance of a male birth will bring government attention. To think that the Tsuruya's would steal John Smith..."  
"-I have the gun, you know that?" I bluffed and hoped she wouldn't call it. "I would advise you to consider the fact that I am who I claim I am is true. Can you take me to your mother?"

"If you want to kill her, you are welcome." Her face burst with anger. "The world would be welcome if that bitch died sooner."

Don't you think that's a little harsh of you to say? She's your mother.

"Why would you say that? You would know, but... you really are a woman, are you." she said. "Go ahead. Shoot me. I don't really care anymore."

Uh, I think that your Occam's razor is a little dull. You haven't cut out the fantastic in your conclusion.

"Now that my work is done they kill my only real family. I guess that I never really got to talk to her before she died. She was so quiet... you would never know how much she really wanted to say."

I think you are taking this all out of proportion. I'm not any sort of secret agent. I'm just a regular guy. Nagato told me to see your mother, and I think that request was incredibly important to her. Can you just accept that I'm here to help, and I need your help?  
"I...I...don't believe you! I just want my world back! Stop it! Get out of my head!" And she keeled over, her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

She had to faint on me. I had to pity her, though. She hated her mother, for some reason. Why? I don't know what precisely happened to her but whatever strange business was happening here I needed to solve it. Quickly. I walked over to the body of Nagato. I carried her body to the spare room and I layed her down on the futon. She looked like she was just sleeping.

I sat down and stared at her daughter. Did my death really screw things up this much? Did I cause this horrible future? I don't know the rules of time-travel and this world is too twisted a reality to be mine. I just wanted to sleep and let the problems go away. I needed more information, not just the conclusions that I reached from the things that I have heard.

Haruhi's daughter was surprisingly light for a woman. I found a set of keys for a car and a bunch of other things in her jacket. When I exited the apartment the lights were extremely dim. The smell of ozone and blood was disturbingly familiar. I walked up to the elevator. I realized it was broken after waiting for several minutes. If the IDE left this place, dummy, then most of the alien tech would be broken. Don't be so stupid!

I walked down the emergency stairs, the unconscious body of a Suzumiya digging into my back. The steps were grey and made of solid concrete. The smell of ozone was getting stronger and it made me sick to my stomach. I turned and a pool of blood was dripping down the stairs. Careful to avoid the mess, I walked gingerly the rest of the way down. The blood got thicker and thicker until finally I reached ground floor.

I found the body of Koizumi at the end of the blood-splattered trail. The bodies of several fallen interfaces surrounded him, in what looked like a final stand.

"_Hello wanderer." _The corpse's mouth moved._ "Sorry, I'm not too... fresh. What is your name?"  
_I said nothing.

"_Shy? Well, it doesn't matter. Did you know that the world ended a long time ago? The mad goddess's grief extends the twilight for a little longer." _

Is that you, Koizumi?

"_Now how would you know my name in life? Your thoughts are interesting, hmm? Who are you to walk with the dead?"  
_|Dammit, I think it's pretty obvious. You would think that your manner would improve when you died. Stop reading my thoughts!

"_Is that you, Kyon? He died shortly before I did, I think."_

I'm not your Kyon. Whoever he did or whatever he did is in the past. I need to get back to my world.

"_You wish to return to her dreams, her fantasy? This world holds no attention for everyone."  
_If you think about it for a second, isn't it plausible for a omnipotent godshead to have infinite worlds to play with, rather then one.

"_That is improbable. But your existence is the proof of what you say. The taste of your soul is familiar to me."  
_If I had known you would be this creepy dead, I would expend all effort to keep you alive.

"_I'm touched." _A spectral giggle echoed in the dark corners of my mind. _"I didn't think that my life was high on your priorities. Or whatever existence that I have now." _

How did you die? I remember you telling me that you defended this place. Not you, but my Koizumi.

"_I did? I did assist our allies in defending this useless place. It came to naught. We had been double-bluffed. In the background of our dreary world, movements of arcane devastation had suggested another explanation. The death of one is felt by all, friend. You never came back to this building. The fighting never stopped." _

I went to get a cure for Nagato. How did she survive?

"_I do not know. She cleaned my body, but it bleeds yet. I think she took a knife to herself – metaphorically. Like a human cancer, she cut out the parts that made her ill. But whatever she did forever doomed her to this earth." _

Do you know anything else?

"_My manifestation of ego was slain, but my id was not. That is what you see here. I ventured to your destination, the cafe of Judas, where I found you and the man who calls himself Fujiwara. You were dead, and your soul was gone. I could not find it." _

I need to find your Haruhi. Do you know where she is?

A brief, purple flash lit up the lobby. The corpse started to twitch and spasm, spittle emerging from the mouth. The eyes bulged and a smell of bile and urine overpowered the smell of blood. I covered my nose. The corpse stood up.

"_Thanks to the care of Nagato Yuki, this body is acceptable for corporeal possession. I will take you to where she fled in her despair." _His mouth mimed the movements of speech, but no air passed between his lips. He looked like a zombie.  
"Do you have to speak like that? It's unnerving." I muttered.

_"The meaning of words is difficult to remember. Human life grows distant every moment I remain in this world. However, I'm still me. You don't have to worry very much." _It smiled.

Somehow I still miss the old you. So, tell me, how are you to do this?  
_"The daughter of Suzumiya passed by me, unheeded of the scent of death. I see you managed to stabilize her. How quaint. You always had a talent for comforting girls of that kind." _

Are you being intentionally obtuse? It's good to know that you are still the same person that I knew.

We walked into the parking lot. A tiny car sat all by itself in a corner.

"_You have the keys, right?" _I threw it to him. _"Amazing what situations you bring me into... I was starting to miss the thrill." _

I'm not a harbinger of trouble. I would like to remind you that you guys brought me into this entire mess.

_"After she left, the giants roamed no more. Only a pale, dark dust blows through the realms of empty space. I do not know what this means. Do you know?"  
_It sounds familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. You'll have to ask me later.

I sat in the passenger seat. I put Haruhi's daughter in the backseat and her gun lay uncomfortably under my jacket. It had a unusual weight and it had a element of danger that I wasn't totally comfortable with.

_"I thought that I'd never had to use this field of my expertise. Mr. Arakawa, I think, was a much better stunt driver then I was. But I think I will do well, in a pinch." _

We went through the city quickly, and I noticed a conspicuous lack of people. The streets were empty and the traffic was extremely light. I remember that we had a retirement crisis during my time. Did all of the seniors die and there were no workers to replace them? Hey, where are we going? This isn't the airport.

_"We're going to find a old friend, Kyon. Someone you know well."_


	21. Hello

Hello

I suppose this entire affair originated somewhere around this time. Given all the trouble I've been in, I can source this trouble to a single event sometime in the beginning of December. Haruhi was in a dangerous mood, the worst of moods, which was impatience. She had this frantic energy at rest like she was a object in motion. Koizumi didn't say anything to me, and neither did Nagato. This state of hers can't be natural, I'm sure of it!

On that fateful day I was whittling away a lunch hour with my two slightly interesting friends, Taniguchi and Kunikida. I haven't done much with them ever since the brigade was formed, so they were always interrogating me on what I was doing. The lethal combination of the two, their information-gathering skills were testing my will to its limit. Taniguchi would say something ridiculous , but then Kunikida would support him by giving a rational conclusion. Why do you have to sound so reasonable! It just makes me look more weird.

"Ah, there aren't many pretty girls around here." Taniguchi said out loud. "I've ranked every girl in this school and all of the A-grades either have boyfriends or are in that harem of yours, Kyon."

You are being ridiculous. I have no interest in a harem of any sort. Who puts these ideas in your head?

"The way I see it, you are one of those humble Casanovas, the ones who stick to the shadows. Unlike me, you prefer a indirect approach. You've won the girl before I've even made a move! That's brilliant!"

Life isn't a dating game, Taniguchi. Perhaps if you behaved with more manner then you would hold on to a girl for more then three weeks.

"Hey! I broke up with her, not the other away around. Isn't it a little too convenient that every B+ to A- converges on your location? I caught you with, oh, I don't remember her name. But you were in a empty classroom with a girl last year. What base did you go to?"

If this is a game we are playing, I might as well be playing American football. I don't get your metaphor.

"You went all the way? You got a touchdown? Seriously, Kyon, you might as well be one of those losers in harem animes that get all the girls. And in a classroom, too. So daring. Did Suzumiya like it?"

I picked at my curry. I give up. Whatever you say must be true. I can't say anything to the contrary.

"I've been thinking recently." Taniguchi started.

Oh, really?

"I've been thinking that the reason I'm so unlucky in love is because my pool of selection is too small. I shouldn't limit myself to a single high school! My grading system for woman is incomplete!"

I think that isn't the only thing...

"So we will go to South High and pick up some chicks. Huh? Whattya thing?" Taniguchi beamed at me. His lust was beyond human recognition.  
"I can't come." I said. "I have to go to do some brigade activities."  
"Nonsense! She'll have you look for a impossibility and waste the entire afternoon. Come with us, Kyon. It's been a long time."

"Come on, Kyon." Kunikida said. "You know how he is. Let's go to the arcade after he finishes offending all of the girls at another high school. Do you remember last year when we went to East High?"  
Oh yeah. That was hilarious. I guess that Haruhi would have to suffer me not being there today.

"Oh, you wound me. Can you have a little confidence in me? I've learned from last time." Taniguchi grumbled into his soba. "So you are coming, right? Great. I was thinking that Suzumiya had you whipped." 

During school my paranoia increased exponentially. If I bumped into any of the brigade members they would find a reason to lead to the Brigade room. I intentionally avoided places that Haruhi would frequent and chose less-used routes in the school. I tried to look inconspicuous as I crept to my companions at the exit to the school.

We walked slowly, chatting about the latest Final Fantasy and listening to Kunikida's many, many complaints. When I was younger we used to rush home and play these sorts of things, but now that I'm in high school I find that I have less and less patience and less and less time to play. It's a loss that I'm not sure I have the capacity to appreciate.

The thing about the weird structure of schools in this area is that after World War Two everything was bombed to ashes and the infrastructure was completely destroyed. The engineer that rebuilt this place sectored the area in the miniature western style, for accessibility and convenience. In other cities you can be hopelessly lost without a local because none of the streets have names to outsiders. The same engineer built it so that every sector of the city would have its own school and its own hospital. At first these changes were viewed as unnecessary and expensive but it proved to be/ far-sighted. In reality all of the schools in this area originate from a single school in the middle of the city, Central High.

South High was directly opposite from our school. I remember stories my teachers would tell that the schools were so far apart is because that delinquents used to walk from Central and get into fights every day with the outlying schools. I enjoyed the walk, but Taniguchi was impatient. He would charge ahead while me and Kunikida would keep a steady pace.

"So, Kyon, what are you going to do after you graduate?" He smiled. "I'm going to try for Tokyo university."

Good luck with that. Honestly, I don't know.

"I suppose that you don't have to worry about that... Did you parents talk to you? Mine did. They said that no matter what happens I will get a job at their company. But I don't want to be a lazy son, Kyon. I want to be recognized for my skill, not my connections." He pumped his fist. He looked serious.

My parents are actually kind of lax. But I agree with you.

"You don't want to follow Suzumiya for the rest of your life, do you?" He laughed. "I'll bet that she'll find a reason to keep you around even when you finish University. You'll be a househusband!"

Don't even think about it. That is a future that will never come to pass.

"Yah, yah, I was just joking. If this is a uncomfortable topic then we should not speak of it in public. What do you think Taniguchi would be?"  
I think he would be some sort of host, but he would drive away all of the girls. He'll be a assistant to some big-shot, I think.

"Optimistic, huh? Well, I guess that it's just conjecture at this point in our lives. Think of all the things we can do once we leave home!"

After a half hour we marched to the front gate of South High. School was still in session and the gate was shut. Taniguchi looked a little disappointed, but he was still optimistic. I was content to enjoy the good weather while it lasted. I dislike winter for several reasons. One is that unlike summer you can't remove layers in order to feel more comfortable. The unpleasant cold combined with the anaemic snow means that we have a grey winter, a winter that is ugly to behold.

The bell rang and students started to filter out from the building. Taniguchi perked up and we moved out of the way as the gates opened. The students were dressed in a fashion in between the fall and the winter, which gave a mix-and-match effect. There was even a guy that was wearing shorts, insane as it is. Aren't you supposed to stop wearing those when you turn ten? I can't get modern couture...

Taniguchi took out his cell phone and attached a lens to the camera. He started to take pictures of girls.

"Taniguchi, don't you have to ask for permission to take pictures?" And what was up with that extension?

"It's a compliment, don't you think? Their beauty need to be captured in digital form."  
That's a little scary, what you just said.

"I'm devoted." He grinned. Kunikida watched helplessly as he took pictures of the departing schoolgirls.

"I'm trying to find the legendary omniappeal XS grade woman. Only then can I die happy knowing that I saw such a vision of beauty." He twisted the cell phone. "The angle is perfect!"  
"I've never asked, but how do you grade a woman?" Kunikida said. "It seemed rather arbitrary of you to do so."  
"This system has been carefully devised over the last six years to judge the quality of schoolgirls." He whispered. "Using letter grades, I can give a general overview of a woman's suitability. Imagine a extremely normal girl, dead average in everything. This girl is purely hypothetical and would get a C grade. This doesn't happen in real life because most girls have qualities that either up or down this statistic. The many, infinite combinations of common traits is what makes the task so interesting."

I didn't understand a word you just said.

"I have written a exhaustive list on each quality and the effects it has on the six axises that define a girl, blood type, ability, amiability, looks, marks, and wealth. The mythic XS woman has a perfect score for all of this. It varies. One man's XS is another's man's B-."

I didn't need to know. But thanks for telling me.

"My pleasure. Oh! There's a hive coming in."

Hive?  
"A hive has a dominant girl with a bunch of submissive girls that follow. They may even have a couple token males to serve them. Sound familiar?"  
I don't know what you are talking about.

"I can't tell who is the queen in that formation... but my first impression is that they are a group of at least B+ girls. They are given a wide berth out of respect."

How do you know that? Not like I am interested...

"That girl has really long black hair." Kunikida whispered behind me. "She looks foreign."  
"I agree," Taniguchi said. "Take a look, Kyon. Recognize anyone?"

I looked into the crowd. I didn't see anyone.

"The hive is moving towards us. Ah! One of them has really orange hair, or a shade of blond." Taniguchi said. "By the looks of it she doesn't have any roots. She must be either fastidious with her hair or a natural. That brunette in the center must be the queen. Even if she looks tranquil and quiet she must have a degree of respect from her peers. Look!" He snapped a picture.

I tried to look where they were talking about. His finger pointed straight at... Sasaki?

I have cut off desire

"Damn, Kyon, you scooped me again." He put down his cellphone. "How do you know the cream of the crop of our youth? Maybe I should join your brigade if you get to know so many hot woman."

You don't know what you say. Never say that again.

"You know the girl with the long black hair? Can you introduce me?" Kunikida asked me, his eyes pleading. "I'll promise that I'll do your homework for the next two weeks, just let her know that I exist!"

That girl? Suou, I think her name is? If you known that she's a inhuman interface from beyond the stars you would sing a different tune.

"First name basis? Kyon, I have to agree with Taniguchi. How much of your woman-attracting magic have you been keeping from us." Kunikida for once looked enthusiastic. It was the same kind of look that I had seen when he would talk about his hobbies.

"Well, if it isn't Kyon." Sasaki looked a little happy to see me. "You came all the way just to greet me? I would be flattered, but I'm not like that. It's good to see you."  
"He's just wishy-washy, Sasaki." Fujiwara spoke up. "If you knew what I knew... This guy's a gigolo."  
"I doubt that he has the same desire as his friend over here." She pointed to Taniguchi. "We share the same attitude for love. Don't we?"  
You could say that. But I don't think we are that similar.

"Sure." She shrugged. "Variety is the spice of life. Are you here to accept their proposal?"

I'm here with my friends. You are as well. Let's keep that sort of talk out of this.

She smiled.

"Sasaki? The weird girl? It's been so long!" Taniguchi started to talk to Sasaki, saying nothing with a lot of words. Kunikida shyed away from the others and only my hand stopped him from running away.

"I really despise your indecisiveness, you." Fujiwara had a scowl on his face. "You should commit to a side. I don't think we even need you."  
I ignored him.

"So, who's this friend of yours?" Tachibana spoke up.

"This is Kunikida." I said. "He's a little shy, actually."  
Suou stared at him. Kunikida blushed. He walked behind me and used me as a shield.

Fujiwara sighed in exasperation. "Are all of your friends this childish?"

"You know better. Stop that." Tachibana scolded him, and he became quiet. "Suou, say hello."

I suddenly realized that in a way, I was reminded of the SOS brigade by the way they acted. That fact creeped me out even more then the coincidence that had just happened.

"Hello," she said, hesitantly. She spoke like a human being! That was astounding! Her companions looked equally shocked.

"Heh, she's a little shy, too." Tachibana laughed a insincere laugh. "You'll have to forgive her."

Fujiwara gave up any pretension of politeness. "Suou, too? Guess that her stupidity is contagious. I'm off."

Taniguchi's conversation came to a natural end. Sasaki and the rest started to follow Fujiwara out of school.

"Kyon?" I heard her say. "We really aren't that bad. Come visit us another time." She smiled, and she walked away.

A little while past and eventually everyone left the school. Only the teachers were left and a scattered bunch of club members.

"Oh my goodness! I didn't take pictures of all the girls!" Taniguchi started to weep. "I was so absorbed into talking with the A+ girl that I totally forgot!"  
"Don't be so sad, Taniguchi." Kunikida said. "You can always pick up a yearbook later. But did you hear that? She spoke to me!"  
I don't think that's much of a victory. But for you, I guess it's worth celebrating for.

"Aha! This is where Kyon's been hiding." I turned around. The entire brigade was here and Haruhi was staring a hole into my skull. "What are you doing here?"


	22. Han Solo

60k. What an achievement! I'd never thought that I would go this far in writing. There are 3 chapters left to write, so I hope that I can finish this story in time for Christmas. Stay tuned!

* * *

Han Solo

"Nagato's dead, Koizumi." I said. How much did he really know, or was he still obscuring things from me?

_"My Organization has been gutted. The contacts are either expired or turned. I doubt that we lasted long after our original purpose was done. And their victory is almost complete. The last member of the Brigade still lingers, alive." _

Asahina?

"_Mikuru Asahina, from what my sources have been saying, has spent the last ten years drinking her sorrows away. Strange. She disappeared around the same time you died. Perhaps she betrayed you?" _

I don't think she would do such a thing.

"_Ever the more reason that she would."_

Tell me, do you know anything about this person in the back seat.

"_I'm not all-knowing, Kyon, but I like to give the impression that I am. All I can give you is conjecture. Just like old times." _

She has the last name of Suzumiya.

"_A startling resemblance, wouldn't you think? I never dreamed that she would copulate with anyone but... I've said too much. She is a interesting anomaly, but nothing else."  
_She really hated her mother, for some reason.

"_I don't think that's a stretch, Kyon. We couldn't imagine how her childhood was warped by Suzumiya's proclivities. Think nothing of it." _

The car rolled down dusty streets, with dozens of closed bars, dance clubs, karoke places, and love hotels dotting the landscape. The only place that was open could be easily spotted. A neon-lit sign with a garish-dancing man advertised its wares as **BOYS! BOYS! BOYS! **I couldn't imagine what gentle Asahina would want to do in this sort of place.

We parked in the middle of the street (It didn't look like there was much traffic, anyway) and Koizumi climbed out of the car. "_It is likely that your brand of persuasion is required her, Kyon." _He gestured to the stupid-looking place. _"I was never the one to inspire passion in a woman." _

Ah, stop it.

The entire place was smoky and dark. The lights were dim and muzak was playing in the background. Tables dotted the floor, which gradually lead up to a stage. Private booths that overlooked the entire place loomed above. As I looked around, I realized that the bar was empty. There was no bartender, no dancers, no customers. Noone was in here.

"Perhaps she isn't here," I said.

"_She is here, no doubt about it." Koizumi said. "The global empty space has allowed me to test out new extensions of my abilities. There is a hint of loss and sorrow that only lingers if a great emotion was felt." _

"You are in a bar, Koizumi." I looked for the stairs. "I doubt there were many happy memories here."

The stairs lead up to several private rooms. Each had a differently colored door, with a different symbol on each. The entire hallway was carpeted with a deep fuzz, which implied that one was to go barefoot. Only one room was lit, and the sound of a conversation hummed through the walls.

"Is she in there?" I hoped not. This place was getting shadier and shadier by the moment.

"_It is a surety." _Koizumi's entire body shivered.

I opened the door and a entire room of robots wearing school uniforms were idling around a bed where a single woman lay. The room was painted with cloud white and it had a calming feeling just by entering.

"More boys? And they said they wouldn't be able to ship until next month." A woman's voice whispered in a low tone. "Well, come here and let me inspect you. I can't have you disappointing my customers."

_"Best to play along," _Koizumi echoed in my mind. _"We need to know more."  
_"And – oh? What is this?" A veiled head bobbed to the side. "It can't be. Pre-programmed, too. I guess that they still want to remind me of these sorts of things."  
_"She can't see me," _he said. _"Perhaps that is a good thing."  
_**Scenario 001 has begun. Good morning, mistress Asahina. **A voice sounding much like my own spoke loudly from a hidden speaker on the wall.

"And a good morning to you, Kyon."

**What sort of tea would you like this morning with your breakfast?  
**"Don't worry, I can get it myself. Heavens knows that I can do it."

**Shall I load my personality onto the shells? **

"That would be alright, I guess. We have a new android here today."

**As you wish. **

The room slowly pulsated and the robots grew faces. They all looked exactly like me when I was at school. Looking at yourself in another person is a disturbing thing. They all had the same stupid look, did I really look like that all of the time? It looked like I was about to say something, but I was hesitating, for some reason.

**Good morning, Mistress. **All of the robots sang in harmony with my voice. **Today is a holiday, so we are available to attend to you. **

"Does the Prime Minister keeping her appointment next Thursday?"

**Half of the Diet is coming on that day. **

"I knew that I could trust you, Kyon. It hasn't occurred to me, but you have been doing my bidding for the past couple of years but you haven't asked for anything.

**We are desirous of nothing, Mistress. **

"But you must want something." Her arms shifted towards the bookshelf.

**... **

One of the robots spoke up. **Some of us are slightly interested on the fate of the prime, Mistress. The eldest of us only has the designation 002. What happened to the progenitor?  
**"You ask much, but I suppose that you have the right to know. Let me gather my strength and I shall tell you.

The robots gathered in formation and I shuffled along, trying to mime their movements.

"I built Kyon 001 a long, long time ago. I was young, and I was desperate. Before my organization ceased to be they forbid me to be proactive on any task. And I was happy to oblige them. I wasn't a very heroic personality, you know. I was content to just watch the actions of more interesting people. At least I thought I did. When it mattered, I.. I..."  
**If it painful for you to remember, then we wish for us not to hear it. **

"No, no... Some things need to be said. It is a burden of memory that I have kept to myself for so long."

**You may stop at any time, mistress. We do not wish to be a source of distress. **

"After the death of Kyon, my future became nonexistent. I'm a time traveller, you see, my faithful Kyon. I'm a paradox. I suppose that Suzumiya stranded me here, but I can't blame her. I don't think that anyone but him could really understand how she thought."

**Us-we were human, once?  
**"You would have liked him. I've tried to program some of his personality traits into you, but I always get it a little off and it reminds me how much further I have to go. But yes, there was a person I valued very much that I based you off."

**Continue. **

"My future and past selves were gone. It's like they never existed. The people who were to become my grandparents never met. And so I guess that I really didn't have my job any more. During that time I was directionless, without purpose. I hated myself."  
**Why would you hate yourself?  
**"Once again I found myself a tool. Once again I couldn't do anything but watch. I suppose that man was right – there is a certain inevitability to everything. I took my fate into my own hands."

**So what did you do? **

I scavenged parts from the leading roboticists of the time. I took parts of the dead IDE fortress and built the first Kyon. One of my subfields was AI psychology in tertiary school. I gave him a soul.

**Did he satisfy you? **

He behaved almost exactly like the real Kyon! This was way before your time, before I concepted the eldest of you. Back then I had the hope that I could convince Suzumiya that the real Kyon still existed. Still was alive to give her solace. Restore things so that I could return to my own time. It was easier then I thought to build a robot of that complexity. Much of the work that needed to be down was self-evident from the corpses of IDE interfaces. Yuki helped me too, when she was still able to fix the interfaces. So I showed up one day at where Suzumiya was residing.

**And then?  
**She had a little girl playing in the yard and she saw me coming. Suzumiya didn't have very fond memories of me. I didn't make much of a impression on her. But she saw me walk down the street with a hesitant Kyon at my side.

**...**

She didn't let us come in to her house. She recognized immediately that it wasn't the flesh and blood Kyon. I remember her face contorted with sadness, a emotion that was foreign in all my memories of her. I left, unsatisfied and I didn't know what to do. Nagato Yuki was much more successful with her enquiries. Perhaps Suzumiya didn't see her as a competitor for his former affection? But for whatever reason she didn't let me correct what went wrong.

**..?  
**The first Kyon I had brightened when he first saw her, but faded when he was rejected. He was sulky and belligerent. The next day he hurled himself off the Golden Gate Bridge. I tried to make him see reason, but... it was too late. His superid had shattered and he was behaving like a human being. AIs need control even over their unconscious desires, and when that limit broke he started to experience extreme emotion.

**When did you come to build us?  
**I time-travelled to the future. My hopes were dashed and I had thought that I would follow Kyon soon enough. My TPPD was nonfunctional, burnt out after traversing the time crevasse that is our world. I built the second one of you as a result of the residual inertia of building the first. He helped me stabilize my emotions enough to build another. And so here you are. You are my sons, in a way. But I still regret not being proactive when I was younger. If I had, then I could have done something so that I wouldn't have to do this. No offence, Kyon.

**I do not understand that last statement. What does it mean?  
**It is a nuance of the human language.

**It is not a exception to any rule. There is no offense that needs to be corrected. **

Humans say that saying when a criticism of something is not meant to offend anyone present.

**I understand. **

It is good that you ask such questions. It is only a sign of growth.

**Mistress, there is a intruder in the building. **

I held my breath. Did they know I was here? How would Asahina react to me being alive? Not only was Koizumi invisible, he lost a lot of tact when he died. I was sure that he wouldn't be of much help.

"Who is it, Kyon?"  
**There are two parked cars out front. One of them delivered the new Kyon unit from the factory. The driver is missing. The other is a official vehicle of the Tsuruya family. **

"That can't be good. Did you send out the doorman?"  
**Brutus is not responding to calls, mistress. **

"It must be my old friend's family. Strange that she wouldn't come by herself to socialize."

**She has beaten the secondary defence units. **

"Koizumi," I thought. "Who is out there?"  
_"A green haired girl is slicing Kyon-bots to shreds." _Koizumi thought. _"I would admire her energy, but it does seem that she is looking for you. She hesitates a little before striking the killing blow."_

The door exploded off of its hinges and a familiar girl emerged from the dust. "Old woman, why did you sic your Frankenstein monsters on me today? I almost got scratched!"  
"Didn't your mother teach you any manners?" Asahina put on a disdainful air. "This private business is closed. You've done a lot of damage already."

The green-haired girl spat on the ground. "John Smith escaped from custody a day ago. He was last spotted heading in this area. Do you know where he is?"  
"No." Asahina had a lot more fight in her then I thought. "Why?"

"Because he looks exactly like your dead, stupid lover!" She sliced a robot in half. "You know how hard it is to pick up a ki signature off one of these things? However it is you build them, they all have the same feeling as Smith! Are you hiding him?"  
"John Smith is a relic from the Showa period." Asahina sat up. She had a taste for silks that I couldn't pinpoint where she got it from. "Why would I have any interest in him?"  
"Because his resemblance isn't a coincidence, you know. We've done tests – he's genetically identical to the man we call Kyon. That can mean only one thing. Either he's been cloned under our noses – unlikely – or he's time-travelled back into the past. So what did you do?"  
Asahina started to tear up, but she stopped. "I don't know what you are talking about. I don't keep up with current news, or pretend at false hope. I don't have him."  
"You are lying! I feel three – three human signatures in this room. Guess that I'll have to check for humans in the old fashioned way." She started to hack through the group of Kyons. Apparently, without instruction, the android/robot/me couldn't defend themselves. Her blade was a blade that, if I remember correctly, was one to be feared.

I jumped out of the cluster of Kyons. "Koizumi, get us out of here!"

_"...I thought you would never ask. Can you grab Mikuru Asahina while you are at it?" _

I picked up Asahina and she started to struggle. The Tsuruya leapt at me, her sword closing the distance when I was yoinked out of the place and the time and I landed outside of the brothel on the road.

_"..!" _

Haruhi's daughter was still out cold, so I placed the struggling Asahina in the back and I pushed Koizumi's body to the passenger seat. Driving can't be too hard. I mean, nearly everyone on the planet knows how to do the basics. How hard could it be?


	23. Every Kyon has his

Every Kyon has his...

Misunderstandings are the bane of the human race. I don't think that more love or life has been destroyed by the hands of misfortune then then the capricious understanding of man. There is a saying that people miss opportunity because it is disguised as work. If my misfortune is disguised as anything, it must be so cunningly concealed to be imperceptible to my knowledge.

And here she is. Surrender is not a option. I can not escape from my fate. My realist stance can sometimes be mistaken for fatalism. I doubt that the man who had the idea for scientific rationalism, Descartes, could acknowledge the impossibility of Haruhi, let alone the existance of aliens, espers, or time travellers. The only sane answer is to acknowledge the insane as the sane and everything follows.

But more practical matters have to be considered. For instance, why did she follow me? And how?

She crossed the street quickly and scrambled towards the frosty area where we were talking. She had a usual fire behind her eyes and a spring in her step.

"You thought you could skip out on your Brigade duties, Kyon?" Haruhi smirked. "I knew that someday this would happen. I implanted a GPS chip in your computer, so it was easy to tell where you were going."

"Isn't that a invasion of privacy?" I looked at Koizumi. He had no answers for me. "I'm not a kid, you know."

"Your privacy is void when it comes to my need to know!" Haruhi exclaimed. "You were on a unauthorized trip to another high school. You could have been captured against your will, or defected to a foreign agency!"  
"So, weird girls, huh?" Taniguchi smiled in my direction. "Good luck with that. I'm going to the arcade with Kunikida. Maybe next time we'll go together."  
"Thanks for introducing me, Kyon!" Kunikida shouted in the distance. "Sorry for ditching you with her!"  
Apparently those two were below her notice unless they said something interesting. "You went with him? You are more of a pervert then I thought. And who is the girl you introduced?" Haruhi pouted. "Tell me, Kyon!"

She was with Sasaki's group. It's horrifying to know that they can lure my friends like that, even if they are useless.

Haruhi paused for a second, deep in thought. Asahina shifted nervously and Koizumi gave me a frown. In any case even meeting them accidentally would cause problems. Doubtlessly I would be causing a major inconvenience for Koizumi to fix. It gave me a 'it can't be helped' feeling in my stomach.

Haruhi stopped imitating the Thinker and started to shout again. "Since you deserted your duties and missed today's mission, you are going to have to pay a penalty."

I went out with my friends. Is that punishable, too?  
"You have to ask me first, Kyon. Whenever you are in doubt, you have to ask me what to do. Unless it's a major exam, of course. You are going to have to ask me more discreetly."  
I'm not that bad of a student. Just because you help me with my homework sometimes doesn't mean you are my teacher. I don't need to cheat.

"But you are! Your slovenly habit combined with your lack of energy infects everything you do! This requires corrective action."

Don't be absurd. I'm not a very enthusiastic person, that's all.

Haruhi paused. You could hear the grinding gears in her head as she attempted to squeeze meaning out of a innocuous statement.

"Here, Kyon, read this." She pulled out a newspaper and handed it to me. It detailed a local police auction.

"I realized that the reason that we weren't finding anything strange or wondrous was because the government was covering everything up! It makes sense, don't you think? The government always wants to take away good things away from you, like aliens, espers, and time travellers. Doubtlessly they would be tortured and probed for everything that they knew."

I desperately looked for a skeptical look, or even a hint of amusement. There were no such emotions in the three monoliths behind her.

"So I looked into the newspaper for signs of their plotting and I found this ad for a auction. Obviously these police are an alien laundering facility meant to distribute wondrous things that they keep out of the public's hands to interested buyers."

I think that those auctions are to sell criminal property to fund police activity.

"That's what they want you to believe, Kyon! I used a pay phone to contact the officer responsible and he gave me the inventory for the auction. They were all mundane items! It's a conspiracy, Kyon. This is our mission today. We are going to win this auction and finally discover what the government is hiding from us."  
"You can't win an auction, Haruhi. That isn't the point. Where would you get the money?"I asked.  
"Don't be silly, Kyon. The government knows that it's a open secret. All we have to do is bring trades and they'll let us see their secret stock."  
I don't think it works like barter, Haruhi. I think they actually want money.  
"I'm going home. You guys have to find valuable objects so that the federal agents will let us in. Kyon, you have to bring something extremely expensive. You are going to have to top even me! Heh heh heh..." Haruhi laughed. Whatever she had in mind, it must be beyond my capacity. She skipped away, her thoughts in another plane, distracted for the moment.

There was a awkward silence between the four of us as we watched Haruhi walk away. The grumblings of my stomach alerted me to the fact that it was getting late and I should be home by now. If I didn't go home in time my sister would take advantage of the fact and steal my pudding. Really, from now on if Taniguchi says anything I will ignore it, no matter how shameful or true it is. Even if he shouts from the roof that he loves me I will act like he does not exist.

"So, Kyon, it looks like we have another task to complete." Koizumi pulled his hands out of his pockets and raised them in a shrugging motion. "My Organization has a pair of policemen who are working for us. They'll let us in."  
"Shouldn't you be discouraging her instead of enabling her?" I raised my arms across my chest.

"It can't be helped." Koizumi gave me a insincere sigh. "What she says, goes."

"Um, she wanted us to find things of worth, right?" Asahina stood unsteadily on the icy concrete. She looked like she was about to slip at any moment.

Yuki was concentrating on something. She was staring into the school building intently. What was so interesting?  
"Yes, she did say so. I have a package arriving that should cover all of us. Unless you want to find something of your own, of course."  
I don't want your fake sympathy. I don't need help, especially from from you.

"...worth?" Yuki tilted her head.

You know, something strange that would arouse her attention.

"...strange..." Yuki closed her eyes.

"Asahina, do you need any help finding your object?" Koizumi smiled a fake smile.

"Ah, no, sorry." Asahina looked embarrassed. Dammit, Koizumi, you don't have to wave around your connections like that. It's shameful!

"She did dismiss us early, so I guess that today's meeting is over, for now." Koizumi pulled up his bag. "See you around." He walked off in the opposite direction.

"Sorry, Kyon, I have some things to do." Asahina blushed as she walked away.

Only Nagato and I were left in the empty courtyard. The snow started to blow in, and little flakes of snow clung to my clothing. She stared at me with the focus and attention that was normally reserved for books. Something was up.

Now that I look at it, her face was slightly red. Her eyes were squinted, and she was even more quiet then usual. "What's wrong, Nagato?" I walked forward towards her.

"...error..."

She grabbed on to me, her tiny hands making huge welts in my sides. I gasped in shock as her hands started to get warmer and warmer until they felt like hot coals. Her chest was icy cold in comparison, chilling my heart. I started to struggle, but her hands would not let go. She pulled me down and I fell on top of her. My face hit the ground and the pain radiated across my entire body.

We lay there for several seconds, her iron grip unrelenting. I started to panic, but then considered that she might be in trouble. Whatever I might do, it would probably only make things worse. I relaxed into her arms and tried to lift my face off the ground. The gravel poked at my face when I tried to do this and I stopped.

I heard a little cute sneezing sound and her entire body started to shake like a jackhammer. She let go and I stumbled away. A huge dark cloud of something was hovering in the air, buzzing and changing color. I stepped back from the vaguely menacing thing and hit the ground.

Nagato stood back up, and assumed a fighting stance. "Close your eyes," she said in passing, and I only had seconds to react before a big blinding flash consumed the entirety of my vision.

She picked me up effortlessly and I rubbed my eyes. The thing was gone, but what was it?  
"A systemic error. It is... new."  
Is it something I should worry about? I didn't even know that you could sneeze.

"...It is also not known to me. I will check if you are concerned."  
No, no, if it's just a flu or a cold then it's nothing to be worried about. Do aliens suffer diseases, or infections?

"..."  
Well, I guess that was a bad question. Do you need help going home?  
"...be careful, Kyon." She looked into my eyes. "It is appreciated." She started to walk away.

...

Dammit, my back hurts!

Home is my sanctuary. Home is where reality is firmly grounded. Home is where I can fulfil Pavlov's hierarchy of needs all of the way to the top. I am a worshipper of the great pyramid, my devotions are scattered across the entire day. I can imagine that the pyramid was a highly valued polygonal object, a symbol of every that a man could strive for. Haruhi would be a conquistador, destroying my temples and smashing my idols until only the base would remain.

And here I am now, satisfying my basest of desires. I needed to sleep, I needed to eat, and I needed to not think. The mendulla oblongata is el gran rey now. My helpless higher thinking is shoved at the back of my mind and all I can do is eat. Regardless of taste. Regardless of freshness. I needed to eat. Consume. Devour.

After the entire thing was done and through, I had consumed the entirety of the refrigerator. It wasn't a grand of a feat as you would think. It was a Saturday, and the week's shopping would be done tomorrow. We haven't had a lot of leftovers and the rice cooker was nearly empty when I looked into it. I felt gorged. Where did that desire to eat come from? I was really worried about Nagato now.

Interfaces would probably be designed to emulate humans in every way possible. Come to think about it, a doctor would get suspicious if they didn't get sick once in a while. Some human beings are extremely healthy and can get away with it, but a observant person can see a entire network of people who don't get sick as a conspiracy. So they must be able to emulate at least a couple of other human functions.

Come to think about it, this is extremely fascinating. I can imagine frustrated alien engineers pondering about what functions to include and others to throw out. There aren't any male interfaces, at least ones that I've seen. Are girls easier to build then boys? It wouldn't be any harder to build. The cervical and uterine cycles are one of the most complicated hormonal processes in a human being. Why would they only build females?

"Brother, why did you eat tonight's dinner?" My sister sat in the chair opposite of me. "I was supposed to have some of that too, you know."

I was hungry. You should have grabbed some when you could.

"You are mean!" She pouted. "I'll tell your girlfriend!"  
"What do you mean, girlfriend?" My attention was slightly aroused. What sort of incorrect information was she thinking about.

"I'll tell Haruhi!" She smiled, victorious.

"First of all, she isn't my girlfriend. Secondly, how did you get that idea in your head?" Seriously!

"Well, you didn't go out as much until you met her. The girl with the big breasts is too shy. The girl that's flat as a board is too quiet. They're her servants! They follow her around."  
Don't you have any tact?  
"She helps you with your homework. She takes you out to downtown. You do everything with her. The only possible conclusion is that she's your girlfriend."

How do you know this stuff? You are a little too young to be doing this sort of thing.

"Stupid Kyon, I read you magazines you stash underneath your bed. They are boring. All they have are pictures of woman. They are like those stupid magazines those seventh grade ganguro girls buy."

How did you find those? And stop calling me Kyon!

"So, unless you go and buy me some dinner I'll tell Haruhi about your selfishness. And the magazines." She smirked. What a truly fearsome sister that I have. She must have a bad influence from Haruhi. Although my wallet was thin, Haruhi's rage was worth any price avoiding. I sighed.

"Fine, fine, but if I catch you in my room again you'll never get a free meal out of me again." I really hoped that this wasn't a trend.

I helped my sister into her garishly pink winterware and we walked around for a local eatery. She wanted to eat western food, but I didn't really like that kind of stuff. We argued all the way to the little row of cafes and restaurants in front of my school. This row of shops catered to the incessant hunger of students with money and the late-coming salaryman that skipped dinner to work. Only one of them was open at this time.

The entire facade was made of glass with a red colored frame. There were many little chairs and tables and the menus were backlit with a strong light. I think I remember this place, but vaguely. I sat my sister down at a table and I walked up to the cashier to order. There was a customer already in line and I looked upwards at the menu. Jesus, these prices were obscene.

The person in front of me turned around. "Kyon?" 

It was Sasaki.


	24. Death by Fours

Polar Oogonium

"You can't get away!" A high-pitched girl's voice could be heard even from the inside of the car. The robots were jumping in front of her, their bodies forming a barrier that would protect their mistress, even for a moment. Their self-satisfied faces as they died creeped me out.

The principle behind driving isn't very complex. When I was younger I liked driving bumper cars, go-karts, and the like. But I remember being very young and not being able to see out of the top of the vehicle. It was the same sensation as being in the car. It feels like your vision is being pinched at every side and the entire vehicle is closing in on you. For a moment I felt a little safe, despite my apprehension. Whatever trouble that found me couldn't have followed me. I checked the rearview mirror.

!

...

I hate driving.

I still really hate driving.

The fact that the efficient mass transit combined with the geographic closeness of my schools has crippled any development of this skill is not comforting.

Koizumi, why did you have to duck out like that? It isn't enough that you have to be sufficiently infuriating, you have to be unreliable as well. Did Haruhi's interest change as the leaves fell from trees? If she reads as much as I do, then she must like something. Light novels wouldn't interest her. The moe crap that's infesting our anime markets wouldn't either. I would prefer my life be non-fiction with brief interludes for meaning and interest. Since you have so much time to get good grades and super-spy training, then why don't you stick around?

Thankfully, since traffic is so light I really don't have to do anything fancy. There doesn't seem to be any sort of traffic cop around to arrest me for my incompetent driving. I suppose that's a good thing. The little people that were out walking during the day didn't even react to the Tsuruya that was chasing us. Did Godzilla attack recently?

Asahina's been whimpering in the back, and from that fancy tale she just told the strategy of wiggle-the-Kyon didn't work. In this world that would mean that Big Asahina doesn't exist anymore. That would imply a temporal paradox, which is impossible because the world is still hanging around. I don't want to just say 'it's the will of Haruhi' like people say 'it's the will of God.' The proverbial irresistible force has grinded down the unmovable object. Someone has done something here. But what?

That sneering bastard must have done something other then shunt me into another dimension. He was attempting to kill the founder of time travel and presumably evade the paradox of using a time machine to kill the inventor of time machines. There is so much that isn't known about the nature of the universe. I needed answers, and fast.

But right now all of this wishful thinking isn't helping me flee from a pissed martial artist. Running at superhuman speeds? Crushing cars like tinfoil? A cold, horrible feeling that happens after a bad test wriggled its way up my stomach and into my throat. A sardonic voice echoed in my head. _You wanted this. You wanted to be the star of the show. You wanted to take the responsibility away from Nagato and __the others. And now, here it is, hero. _

_You can't wish for a normal life. _

"...Kyon?" A tiny voice was barely perceptible. I peeked at the rearview mirror. Nope, still following me. Man, were they presistant.

"...Is it really you?" A cool hand wrapped itself around my chest.

I paused for a second. Even in a crazy alternate universe, Asahina was still Asahina. I turned around.

The tears started to flow from her eyes. "You... didn't die?"  
"No." I focused on not crashing the car. The nagging feeling of impending danger kept me from relaxing. "I'm not your Kyon. I'm from a alternate universe."

"But... that's impossible!" Her voice turned much more serious. The emotion bled from her voice. It was obvious that she was struggling to keep her emotions in check.

"I heard everything, Asahina. You are a very brave person." I swerved to the left.

"Kyon..." Her voice trailed off. She started to laugh a raspy, hoarse laugh. This dispirited me even more. I suppose that a small blessing is that my alternate self is dead so I don't have to see how deviant he is.

_"Sorry for the wait, but I had some children to discipline." _Koizumi jerked to live in the seat next to me and Asahina shrieked. _"I see that age has treated you well. How's your life been?" _

"Koizumi!" Asahina looked at him with a scandalized look. "Where have you been for the last forty years?" Koizumi was right. She had aged really well. If I didn't know any better, I would have said she looked only a little older then Big Asahina.  
_"Dead, mostly." _Koizumi shrugged with his shoulders and a painful snapping of bone sounded with a solid crack. _"Kyon had the audacity to show up, and so unfashionably late. What was I supposed to do?"  
_I don't think that would be the case. And what do you mean by "children?"  
_"It appears that my seed was used for the purposes of siring a child." _A brief silence marked the utterance of the ridiculous. _"Oh, don't be such prudes! I never thought that they would use those samples, ever. That esper breeding program was a ridiculous idea in the first place."  
_There was a girl with your last name on that television show.

"_That would explain a lot of things, including my disappearance. The Tsuruya family, along with that clod of a girl that wrecked Asahina's shop, sent one of my children to fight me. How arrogant! Have they ever watched Star Wars? I'd dealt with the two easily."  
_Huh? I think I like your new personality. It's refreshingly direct.

"_...As always, your words are like knives. Let me drive. Go talk to the poor girl in the back."  
_I climbed over to the back . "Does she have any chance of catching up with us?"  
_"I have to congratulate you for your stunt driving. You nearly crashed several times. But no, she will not catch up. I have also made sure of that." _A hint of anger leaked through his debonair attitude.

Asahina was holding Suzumiya's daughter. Her hands stroked her hair and I was reminded of Haruhi playing with her, but much more gentle. She looked up. "This isn't coincidence. Who are you really, Kyon?"  
"I'm still a human being, you know. I'm not special like you guys." I answered.

"The reason you can't be a dimensional traveler is because it conflicts with known time travel theory." Asahina shook her head. "Time... time is incredibly resilient. If a paradox occurs it shakes the entire continuum. Think of it as a strand of DNA. Human beings can only read towards the three-prime end, producing new information for the next set of instructions. Time travel works by destroying the time planes between you and your destination. The time planes regenerate from the original coding by some unknown mechanism and are rejoined to the origin and the destination, like DNA ligase."

Your explanation makes a little sense.

"Your presence is unexplainable from the current model of the universe. But I suppose that Suzumiya isn't one for models or plans. She wanted you, and you specificly. No robotic substitute would do. So unconsciously, she pulled you to our brave new world." She looked a little sad.

"But she didn't pull me here. That opposite of yours- the one with the smirk. He did this to me. But why me?"

"You still don't know your true value, Kyon. I'm not sure if you are being humble or you are honestly telling me the truth." She smiled. "He... doesn't exist anymore in this dimension. I'm sure that he's happy in whatever nonexistence he resides in. I'm not sure yet, but this girl has a little bit of Suzumiya, and a little bit of-"

_"Asahina-chan," _Koizumi's voice dripped with sarcasm. _"It's nice to impress him with your extensive knowledge of time theory, but I need a exit strategy. This Tsuruya is not letting up."  
_"I have connections in the government." Asahina talked back with equal strength. Yeah, don't be intimidated by his horrible nature! "A plane is waiting for us close by at that airfield. You know the one?"  
_"Good to know." _He stepped on the gas.

The rest of the ride was uneventful, without another word in between us. The car slowed to a halt in front of a huge airfield, but no planes. Even a municipal airport would be busy, but there was barely a soul in sight. I'm still shocked to see a Japan without people. It just seems wrong somehow.

"So... who is this girl?" I asked. I didn't even know her name. She didn't even give me a name, only the fact that Nagato was close to her.

"Suzumiya wasn't very communicative. She literally disappeared. She didn't want to be found, so she didn't." Asahina said. "Nagato told me about her existence when she found her. She was fourteen, and angry. She was with a colony of other young girls."

"A colony?" I said.

"That's what they called them. Young people bundled up in open rebellion and stole precious males from their governments. They were a revival of polygamist religions that were existing in the midwest of the United states. But eventually they died down when the women that started them died and the men were taken back into the national banks. Some still clang on to their identities as 'wives', and those last surviving collectives was where I found her.

"By then we didn't really care anymore about secrets. We shared any relevant information, anything to survive. When you died, we were surprised that the world stuck around. The world didn't enter a recursion of time. No giants formed, their absence worrying. My future self and Fujiwara were gone, so something was wrong. We don't know why."

She turned to me. "I'm glad you came back, even in such a roundabout way. You remind me of responsibilities I'd thought I had thrown away. She didn't have a Japanese name when I met her. The other girls in her colony called her 'boss' and "leader", so the apple didn't fall far from the tree. We lost contact soon after when she suddenly left. I had no idea that she became a doctor in the meantime."

We walked across the empty airfield. A massive jumbo jet screamed above, circling around to land. Koizumi was twitchy, watching for anything that might be a threat. His lolling eyes came to a tenuous focus. _"It is... hard to materialize here." _he murmured. His body started to shake. _"I'm afraid that the disruption of the energies by my kin is making my existence unstable. We have to hurry." _

The huge plane screeched as it moved to land. Haruhi's daughter stirred in the back and started to thrash, trying to escape. Asahina was having a rough time trying to keep her down. A horrible screeching sound came from the car as she started to scream. **"Let me go!" **Her voice turned harsh and commanding. **"I don't want to be here! I don't want to see her!" **The car obliged her wishes by exploding.

It wasn't a big, Hollywood style explosion. One moment we were moving forward, and the next the car disappeared, and with it all our momentum. It was a startling effect, like trying to walk another step on a stair where there isn't one. In this way, I was mentally jolted back to life by Asahina franticly shaking me.

"I told you, you wouldn't get away." A voice yelled triumphantly above. "You'll won't humiliate me again! This time I'll definitely kill you for your crimes against the Tsuruya Family!" I looked up. Two girls were standing in a helicopter. One was the Tsuruya from before, and crazy as the rest of hre family. The other one was that woman from the television show. That bothered me immensely.

Koizumi looked extremely disturbed. _"Kyon, go with Asahina to the plane. Now. This situation is now beyond my control." _

"What's happening, Koizumi? Didn't you deal with them back at the robot bar?"  
_"When I said, my kin, I meant it. All of my organization was purged by the Tsuruyas. Their death cries still echo in this realm, if you can go to the right places to hear it. There are no more espers on this planet. There should be no more. But there is. Her blood sings to me." _

I don't get it. What do you mean?

The Tsuruya jumped out of the helicopter along with the other girl. "You should know the name of your executioner. My name is Kako Tsuruya, descendant of the Japanese branch, whose origin is in Kako Tsuruya, founder of our line. I will not let you go, in the past or the future. You will give back John Smith, and her daughter."

_"Little Tsuruya, you should not have so much hubris. There is only pride before your fall. You may have slain many of my kin, you may even succeed in defeating me. But you will not prevent our passing. I have penetrated a space where only gods walk. I have guided many through the paths we run. You shall not pass, as they say."  
_

The plane taxied towards us. Asahina started to pull me towards the plane, her firm grip surprising me. Who knew that she was so strong?

"You know why your Organization kept your genetic material for so long? It's because they were searching for a genetic base for your powers. Can you sense your sons, your daughters? Do you realize how we killed you off so quickly?"

_"...you monsters." _

"Your need to know, your thirst for knowledge was your downfall. And now, it is yours." Her sword plunged into the woman and Koizumi started to scream. I stared in horror as his corpse started to twitch and shudder, float in midair. He exploded, his entrails coating everyone in a rain of gore.

"No!" I lunged forward, trying to reach for the Tsuruya. If I had known any better I would have killed the man in the past. Asahina was desperately trying to pull me back towards the plane that was waiting for us. "You horrible bitch! You killed him!"

"Ah, John Smith. Savior of our branch, who the name he gave us, past and future, of our honor. You aren't really a person. You are just another time traveler who meddled with history. I'm sure that would go over well with the elders. Still, regardless, I'll have to bring you in."

"No, you won't." Asahina spoke up in a calm voice. "I'm sorry, Kyon." She whispered into my ear. What? What's happening? Everything's turning black...

* * *

Sleep is a reprieve, a time for the mind to rest and to absorb to stimuli it has absorbed during the day. Of course, no one has been taught how to sleep. A bodily process needs no practice, or study. Some people can't sleep without perfect darkness and silence. Others can sleep standing up. Some people sleep when they are tired. Others will sleep at a appointed time, every day.

Doubtlessly, the details of this are extremely intimate. Asking another person on how they sleep must seem extremely creepy. It would like be asking for a person's political preferences or their religion. Only doctors and psychologists would have the privilege of asking this important question. This experience we go through every day is ignored and is never discussed by anyone.

Sleeping against your will, however, is a feeling familiar to me. Why do time travelers have such effective sedatives?

The uncomfortable sensation of pins and needles worked its way through my body. I blinked several times, trying to adjust to the light. It was dark over the Pacific, and the plane flew silently. I was sitting in a huge berth all to myself, the hall lights indicating where the walkway was glowing dimly. Asahina was nowhere to be seen. I relaxed for a moment, wondering what I would say to her.

If this alternate reality existed, then perhaps many others did as well? If there was more then one Haruhi, then there was probably more then one version of me hanging around somewhere. Perhaps there was a me that had all the powers that Haruhi has, unaware and ignorant, surrounded by a bunch of people that I unconsciously wished for.

The blind faith that I've only seen in children and the aged, I can also see in her. A child's drive with the power of an adult, bundled up in so much energy. The capacity to do so much with our lives dwindles as we grow older, terminating with a definite path at the end of our time. We, as a collective society, are supposed to give up on childish desires when we become adults. Perhaps she feels a measure of responsibility for creating the strange things in the universe, and keeps them to exist rather then annihilating them.

Koizumi was gone.

I never really thought that I could die. Of course, I was aware of it. I knew that some day in the far future that I would die and in a few generations there would be no sign of my existence. But not now. I suppose that my viewpoint is firmly fixed in the present. It would be naive to believe that Death would be patient for us, and not seek us in our prime. Only the old think of death in realistic terms. It has been romanticized and hidden by humans to bring trepidation in our final moments.

I would like to think that Koizumi was much more then just a enigma. The tragedy is that I don't know enough about the man to care about his passing. I just can't muster up the feeling of sadness. He probably knew what he did was suicidal. What he did ended his life prematurely. The question is, am I willing to do the same? It would be a waste if I didn't.

My things aren't here. Stolen, for whatever reason, by that crazy girl. Why did she hate her mother so much? A million, billion, different theories rushed through my head, and all of them were unsatisfactory. I didn't know anything about the situation, and I haven't had a chance to get a full explanation from anyone. Piecemeal explanations that assumed I already knew vital facts were no substitute. I guess that in addition to being a suicidal mission to restart the world, it was also a quest for answers.

I walked down the empty halls and up the stairs into the second floor. The manipulative ability of my fellow Brigade members is not to be underestimated. The only thing that keeps me believing is the physical reality telling me that this is real. He would probably say that reality is only the combination of the manifold senses of the human body. Smell, taste, vision, hearing, touch, sense of stability, sense of space, depth perception, texture, emotion, vibration, and pain and euphoria. Only a perfect model is capable of fooling all of these.

One berths was lit, its light bleeding outside of the crack between the door and the floor. First class was way in the front, with rooms the size of a restaurant booth. I walked towards it, and hesitated. Why was I left alone in the first place? Perhaps she was doing something that I wasn't supposed to see. I considered this for a minute. In a alternate universe, anything was possible. If this was a alternate universe.

I turned to return to my seat downstairs when I heard a muted sob come from the room. It had the quality of laughter, of brief, intense bursts of emotion that could not be controlled. It was Asahina. And she was crying. She froze up when I entered, her face deep into a large towel. The first-class room was uncomfortably large for a airplane seat and uncomfortably small for two people. She curled up, ashamed of herself, and looked away from me. I hesitated, wondering if I was crossing some sacred, primal line of expression of grief. I ignored the feeling as I stepped forward to comfort her.

"This world isn't so bad, right, Kyon?" She turned to me. "As long as you and I are in it..."


	25. I love you, Haruhi Suzumiya

This is the "temporal" ending. I still have about 2-3 chapters to go. Yeah, I say that alot. This story won't finish despite all my attempts to end it. I'm a victim of my own planning. Once you air out of order you can't start planning or you'll write beyond your limits.

* * *

I love you, Haruhi Suzumiya

Her words made me ponder, that sameother girl with the eyes of lonely tears. What would be a definition of a Haruhi? What do I mean in the context of her? Suppose that we made a sentence of sense, a underlying paradigm of S and O and S. Mikuru would be a improper girl and Koizumi a clause, I in a comma and Yuki a girl of action. The mad poet is she, and I would sign, sing, sin.

Would she be a new messiah, born to rule and dying to challenge. Her need and the future can be swiftly seen – her court is worth finishing. I would proceed in the footsteps of rex Cassandra, or oracle Oedipus, in saying: "I told you so!" Seeking the source of whatever you might call it, it would tell you that we are the same, you and I.

Ah, my mind is fuzzy. Uh, what was I thinking? Well, I'm somewhere else now. Am I dead? That would explain a lot of things. Every culture has its death myths, its legends to comfort the sick and bereaved. But like a lot of youth, I don't place much effort into religion. I guess it's a side effect of free public education. Privately, I would prefer a infinite lack of anything when I die. No darkness, no light. Just the complete absence of Haruhi Suzumiya.

I cracked an eye open. I was lying down on my back in the Brigade room. It was dark and no one else was around. My entire body felt like a cramp. I lay on my back for the while, admiring the various stains on the ceiling and vaguely trying to remember what happened to me. What did I do? Did I get drunk? Did Haruhi drink me to the floor? Nah, that couldn't be. Why would we drink at school?

Did she knock me out with chemicals from the lab? Ethanol ethers or something more obscure? That wouldn't explain the muscle aches. It's probably another crazy person after my life. Another crazy person from another crazy faction is desirous of my death or the effect of my death on Haruhi. Or even better, a new faction. I've always wanted to know if demons were real or not. Or sliders. Or mountain ladies. Or dragons. Hell, why stop at Japanese phenomena?

I opened my other eye. Nope, nothing there. I turned over and fell on the floor. I felt a huge bruise crawling up my thigh and I massaged it lightly. I felt old. Really old. Too old for this kind of bullshit. I pulled myself up with the chair and I walked towards the window. I looked out, desperate to know if I was in some sort of Suzumiya dream scenario.

No, it was normal. Cars were slowly driving by the school, despite it being very late. I checked the computer. No messages from Nagato. I opened my eyes, looking for a little red ball that was called Koizumi. Nothing was there. I smelled for the unique smell of ozone and iron. I could smell nothing. I walked towards the door and I tried to open the door, checking if this was a interface-created space. It gave easily. I was extremely paranoid, and my heart was beating like a drum.

Apparently today was a extremely normal day. I sat down on the chair to think. I've exhausted all options, normal and supranormal. Occam's razor tells me that the simplest answer is the best one. I also know that I'm not oversimplifying things. I looked up. Apparently my bag was also here as well. That means I was going to school at one point and I passed out. But I wasn't sent home and my parents didn't pick me up. Why?

Haruhi must have done an activity during the time I was passed out. But she bothered to pick me up but she didn't want to take me home. I must have done something to offend her so that none of the three would dare help me. She must be really angry at me for some reason. I walked down the hallway and down the stairs to get out of the school.

It was snowing lightly and the courtyard had a perfect layer of snow, flat as a plains. No one has been here for some time, judging from the lack of footprints. I shuffled across, my legs complaining of fatigue. What did I do in the past couple of hours? I reached for my phone, only to grab a weird device. It had no buttons and a large touchscreen. What the hell was this? Walking down the damn hill was usually easier then walking up. But since it was slippery I had to be extremely careful with my steps. I looked around. There was no traffic. No one was around. I had a distinctive memory of going down this hill as a child. I wonder...

I grabbed a plastic garbage can top and I inverted it and placed it on the ground. I sat down in the centre. I looked around again. Perfect. I used my hands, smarting at the cold to pull myself down the hill. Once I got some momentum I stopped pushing with my hands. The street was pretty straight, and my house was at the base of this hill, so hopefully I could get home extremely quick. I was speeding up and the garbage top was starting to buckle extremely fast. My teeth were chattering and my vision was shaky. Perhaps this was not a good idea after all. It has not occurred to me how to stop this thing once I had cleared the hill. Or how to steer, actually.

I passed by parked cars and sleepy apartments as I raced down the middle of the road. For some reason I felt melancholic, a deeper sadness. I felt like I lost a bet, lost something that I really never had in the first place. I immediately thought of my childhood, the innocence of a dare, but it was deeper then that. The horrible thing was that I could almost remember it. It was on the tip of my tongue, metaphorically. Perhaps I'd never know.

I was almost at my house when I saw a girl impatiently waiting at the door. From her strange clothing and many layers of jackets I couldn't tell who or what she was. I don't think that many girls would want to come to my home, or anyone in particular. Only she would have the gall to wait for me while I lay knocked out on the table. This is ridiculous.

I slowly came to a halt in front of my house. We exchanged glances and I felt uncomfortable at her undying gaze. She must be so mad right now. All I have to look forward to is more penalties and punishment. Judging by the speed she is removing those coats, I guess that she's been waiting for a long time. I'll be paying for her meals for a long, long~ time.

"Kyon, you, you... idiot!" Haruhi ran towards me and punched me in the face. I fell off the impromptu sled and lay sprawled on the icy street. Yup, I was right. She stood there for the longest time, breathing in and out. I closed my eyes and waited for the imminent judgement to come. I felt a warm pair of hands pick me up and I was hoisted on her back. My head was perched on her shoulder and it was a surprise to find out that nearly every part of her was warm.

"Don't ever leave me, Kyon." Haruhi said in a low voice as she walked to my doorstep. "Don't you dare."

"Heh," I whispered. "You didn't have to punch me."

"You want me to drop you?" She turned her head and I stared into her eyes. It was a mixed pool of feeling, like staring into a whirlpool in a bathtub.

"What did you do?" I asked. "Why are you here?"  
"You went missing," she said. "For a entire month."  
What? I haven't been gone that long. Damn, it was time travel. The one possibility I didn't consider. Of course!

"What year is it?" I asked.

"Dummy, don't you know? You disappeared after you went out with Taniguchi and Kunikida. It's still the same year. What did you do?"  
"I... don't know. It's a mystery." Seriously, what did I do? Did I cause a paradox or something? Kill my own grandfather?

"I'm the brigade chief. Whatever problems you might have, you must tell me." She stumbled up the doorsteps. "But since it's a special day today, I will have you tell me tomorrow, Kyon."  
"Why? What day is today?"  
"It's Christmas Eve, Kyon. Do you have a present for me? If you don't, you are going to have to tell me where you went." She looked serious. She wasn't kidding.

"Why would you expect me to have a gift for you? I just came back!"

"Obviously, you went to some strange and foreign land to get me a present. You must have braved dangers so vast that you had to skip a month of school. That reminds me." She started groping my chest. What are you doing? Stop that!

"You obviously don't have anything big in your bag, so it must be small and on your person."

Couldn't you apply that logic in reverse? Have a small gift in the bag? And I don't have a gift for you.

She put me down and started to frisk me. She sat down on my chest to prevent me from moving, a extremely discomforting, cruel and unusual manoeuvre. Her fiendish hands had much practice, prying open my mouth to degrees I haven't thought possible. Hey! Not the shirt! Not the shirt! Damn.

This stripping and nakedness gave me deja vu. Was I a victim of Stockholm syndrome, with her as my captor? Her methodical nature when she stripped me reminded me of a rapist. Is it bad that I'm not resisting, letting her do this? I feel like a pervert already. My poor shirt was torn in half and it's going to be hell to replace that. Where does she get the idea that Christmas gifts are mandatory? I'm not particularly attracted to her. Did I give some ethereal signal through the veil that drew in weird girls like flies to honey?

She was satisfied with the torso, and she stared at me with a evil eye. "You know, this would be easy and painless if you give me the present right now. Give in."  
I don't have the present, you crazy woman!

She pulled off my shoes and shook them out. Nothing but dust and dirt. She removed the inserts and she put on a disappointed face. "I'm starting to believe that you actually didn't get me anything. I'm doing this for your benefit, you know."  
Her hands brushed across my chest and through the stress and the fear I felt slightly arous- Damn it! Little Kyon is getting a court martial for this. I'm not attracted to weird girls. Think of breasts, Kyon. Nope, not helping.

"In your pants? Unlikely, but it would deter any girl. Any girl but me!" She pulled at my zipper on my trousers. Enough was enough. I wasn't going to become a victim to her twisted fantasies. If I let this continue on I'll be put in the same circumstances and Mikuru. Doomed to be another toy to be mocked at by, by... actually, not a lot of mocking. Taniguchi would probably ask if I was in a sadomasochistic threesome.

"Oh? What's this?" She grabbed an object from my jacket. "This is..!" Now or never, this was my chance to escape. I started to struggle. She had to descend to take off my pants and I had enough leverage to flip over. We wrestled off the porch and landed in the snow. A immediate cold shock hit my system, but I knew that I had to fight back. My pants disappeared at one point, either from her pulling it off or me kicking it off. I managed to pin her on the staircase, my legs putting weight on hers. She still had that fighting fire in her eyes and tried desperately to get out. At that moment my sister opened the door.

"I knew it! She was your girlfriend!" Her tittering giggles penetrated my youthful heart. "And what are you doing? I'm going to tell Mom!"  
"Kyon? Where were you and what are you doing?" I turned around. The other members of the brigade were here. Koizumi had a fat smirk on his face. "Improving relations?" Yuki had a blank face. Asahina was hiding behind Koizumi, her reactions imperceptible.

"Kyon?" Sasaki was here. Great. What else. Why didn't I notice her earlier? "Where were you? You disappeared and... oh. Am I interrupting something?" With Sasaki, there was probably Sasaki's group. That sneering bastard better not say anything...

"Kyons?" Tsuruya's voice rang out from... somewhere? "Youse naughty boy. In publics? Kinky."

"Kyon? You lucky dog! Keep running, you'll manage to get to third base pretty soon!" I knew who that was, and I wouldn't dignify him with an answer.  
A humvee roared down the hill and came to a stop in front of my house. Several chattering Americans speaking in excited English emerged from the vehicle.  
"Kyon! You came back! Where were you?" My mother's voice rose above the clamor. "And what are you doing with the Suzumiya girl?

God! Let it stop! Let it end!

...

During my disappearance, apparently Haruhi was going to my house every day to check if I was there, my mother told me as we handled the crush of guests. Our little house was full to the brim with people. Haruhi, crazy as it might be, arranged a party and it snowballed. Don't know why she invited Sasaki. I managed to brush off Taniguchi's digging remarks into my asexuality. I was surprised to see that Haruhi took it so well, but everyone assumed that we were drunk or inhibited or something. My mother was... accepting, embarrassingly so. She even gave me contraceptives, in her words, "Just in case." Damn it, now everyone thinks that this horrible lie is true!

"I believe you completely, Kyon." Koizumi smiled his fake smile. "There must be some sort of circumstances that required you to take off your pants in the middle of the winter."  
"Your sarcasm is touching, Koizumi." I drank a little from the punch. The horde of hedonists had been nice enough to bring their own food and drink to prevent us from starving ourselves. My mother was on a trip to get more food and everyone else was just socializing.

"I am completely serious when I say this." Koizumi returned to a more neutral tone. "You have no reason to lie."

"Again, your sarcasm is touching." I sat down on my bed. It was only me and Koizumi in this room. The roar of the party below made my lamp vibrate. Haruhi's voice was the loudest, her energy undimmed by the embarrassment of the day. The music was really loud. Where did they get a boombox?  
"I would ask you where you went, but I wouldn't get a very good answer, would I?" Koizumi looked more contemplative. "Did you get her a nice present?"  
I didn't get her any present.

"Judging from your silence I guess you got her a great present. There are factions that believe that you provide a stability to Suzumiya. So if you start to romance her, marry her, it wouldn't be so bad." He smiled. I detected a little genuine feeling behind it. This was getting dangerous.

"Don't be ridiculous. All I want to do now is sleep, but she won't even give me that." It was true. I felt extremely tired, even before the dip in the snow.

"If you feel that way, I can't stop you." Koizumi shrugged. "Perhaps you'll tell us your story another day. If you can remember it." He took a long gulp from his drink.  
The noise got even louder. Koizumi frowned. "Judging by the pitch of the Americans, they've found some liquor to drink. My organization will prevent the neighbours from complaining tonight."  
Please, don't. I want this nightmare to be over soon. What happens if she comes to my house every time she has fun? Not only will I lose my only sanctuary to Haruhi, it will look like we have something going on, or something. Don't do this to me, Koizumi!

"Second thoughts? Don't worry. She's happy, for tonight at least. I have to go downstairs to make sure that my counterpart doesn't do anything rash. See you later." Koizumi stood up and left my room. I was left alone by myself, the roar of the party throbbing in tune with my growing headache. Why does when she has a party, I don't have any fun? All it brings me is stress.

Tsuruya opened the door, and I looked at her. A giant hat with fruit on it and almost as tall as her was sitting precariously on her head. What were they doing? "Kyon, whats are you doing? It's your party? Why are youse sulking up here?"

At that moment I had a sense of deja vu, a sense of sadness. . I looked straight at Tsuruya and she looked surprised.

"Kyons, why-"  
"Did you ever had a cousin? A person like a sister?" I asked. I don't know why I did it. It just slipped out. It felt good saying it.

"Noes, Kyon. Why do youse ask?"  
Nothing, I guess. What does Haruhi want?  
"You knews that already? Haruhi wants you to clean the dishes, much. Sez that 'it ain't fair for Mikuru to do everything, time for useless mens to work', no offenses?"

It's just like her to dump work on other people's back. I bet that Asahina was having fun before Haruhi spoiled it. I guess that I'll have to do it.

Washing dishes with Asahina was surprisingly calming, compared to my loneliness upstairs. She had no fetish clothing on, which was a relief. I've seen pictures of a naughty Santa float around the internet, but I'll deny it if you ask me again. She seemed happy doing what she did, as we watched Haruhi drink the tough American soldiers to the floor. Sasaki's group was low-key, but Kunikida was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Kuyoh. Ah, forget it, I'll find his corpse tomorrow.

That bastard's face was in a shallower scowl, his evil attitude muted for this affair. Who really rules that group? Does Sasaki know more then she lets on? I don't know enough about them to draw any conclusion, but I fear if I do I will sympathize with them, make friends with them. It's something that I don't really want to do. Nagato looked bored at the whole scene, and I couldn't tell if she wanted anything at all. She had been roped into the drinking contest and those tequilla shots haven't affected her one bit.

My sister is having fun. She seems to be one of the only kinds of people that can handle both adults and children. She can handle Haruhi extremely well, adjusting to her childish whims and adult temper evenly, keeping her interested throughout. I should be wary of her in the future. Her genetics obviously are better then mine. Koizumi is watching with interest, staring at my sister in a way that I'm not entirely comfortable with. Don't be a lolicon, Koizumi.

Mikuru touched me on the back, and I hesitated. She was going to say something, but instead she gave me a hug from behind. This bustling thing, this euphoria – would this last forever? Would it give out at all? Is this what people want most from life? I don't know what to expect from the world's future, but if I can trust my own judgement and be prudent I'm sure that everything will turn out okay.

"Kyon, can you go and take out the trash?" Mikuru smiled a concerned smile as the growing pile of empty beer cans and other trash accumulated in our small garbage bin. "It's cold outside, so make sure you wear a jacket." Ah, her voice makes my heart melt. She's the ideal woman – polite, reserved, pretty, with depth.  
"Sure," I said, and I walked out into the street. I left the party behind to the quiet of the city. The moon was shining a bright, white color in contrast to the amber yellow of the street. My shoes crunched on the hardened snow as I walked down the sidewalk.

"Is your name Kyon?" A voice from behind me said.

"Yes," I said hesitantly.

A clicking sound and large explosion made my ears ring. I fell to the floor. I was shot. Why? There was a brief stab of pain as I coughed up blood.

"Sayonara, you bastard." A distinctly feminine voice – where have I heard it before? - was the last thing I heard before everything faded to black.


	26. I like my woman like my coffee

I like my woman like my coffee

The truth is, I don't have much of a opinion on the company that I have. Sure, I don't have much choice, but I can tolerate a lot from many kinds of people. People, mind you. Time-traveling dicks, enigmatic espers and alien monsters are not welcome. Unfortunately, I find a new exception every day. I don't really remember much from the time I spent with her, because I was a completely different person back then. I guess that the way friends drift apart after a long time is the phenomenon I am trying to describe.

I would like to think that I have considerable free will, but maybe I'm the same as Koizumi, Asahina, and Nagato. I can imagine it with disturbing clarity. She would be bored if everyone listened to what she had to say, so she would look for a reasonable person that was perfectly mundane to appreciate everything that she did. There are a lot of theories about the ability of Haruhi, but I haven't heard one about my presence in her exclusive circle. Chance? Coincidence? I suppose that I'll have to be satisfied with those answers for now.

In that disappearance of hers, I never encountered Sasaki or any of those unique people that follow her, even that sneering bastard. To my understanding, the IDE didn't even know the name of their opposing organization at the time. How would Nagato know to remove them? Unless the existence of Haruhi implies a Sasaki. Did Nagato take more then we know? Sasaki, without perfect proof, I think, wouldn't believe this nonsense in the first place. I surely wouldn't.

Thoughts like these ran through my mind as I sat down and waited for my order to finish cooking. My sister was fiddling with her cellphone, occasionally giving out a muted gasp and brief bursts of frantic typing. I watched Sasaki out of the corner of my eye, wondering what exactly was she doing here. She seemed equally as bored as I was, staring at the rising steam from the kitchen.

"Get caught doing something?" I turned around. She was right behind me, staring at my sister. "I've never seen you here before this late."

I was uncomfortable talking with her, for many reasons. One was that I had the creeping feeling that Haruhi was watching me at all times. It isn't paranoid when people are actually out to get you. Another was it was too convenient to meet her like this, here, of all places.

"Cat got your tongue?" She sat down next to me, her shoulder leaning against mine. "You don't have to say anything. If I'm causing you any trouble I can leave, you know."

"Brother, is this your new girlfriend?" My sister picked a very bad time to speak up. Her eyes sparkled, waiting for a answer.

"When you think about it, little girl, isn't love a series of complicated chemical reactions in your brain?" Sasaki said.

"Kyon has too many girls. All of his friends complain about it."  
I frowned. How much did my sister know? I'd better walk carefully around her.

"If that is true, somehow your brother must have a evolutionary trait that makes him attractive to them. Do you see it?"

"Eww! That's disgusting. Kyon is as ugly as they come." My sister giggled. Am I really that ugly?

"It's because you are related to him. People who grow up together, even adopted children, will not be attracted to them because they are family. It's a evolutionary measure to encourage greater diversity."

"Sasaki, do you like Kyon?" My sister stopped clicking and stared at me. Don't look at me like that!

"That's a hard question to answer." Sasaki laughed. "Love, or attraction, is nothing more then biologically enforced monogamy. When a woman captures a man in this fashion, she wants to keep him for herself. When a man captures a woman in this fashion, he wants to keep more woman to maximize his genetic impact."  
"You use complicated words. What did you just say?" My sister was getting bored.

"He's gathering a harem to have children. Consciously, he may not realize this. His unconscious is guiding him to adapt to each and every girl friend he meets."  
"So, you're a girlfriend?" My sister was bored and confused. A bad combination. Now that I look at it this way, she's just as weird as people say.

"I really don't believe that a person's unconscious would do that." I said. "Besides, wouldn't a lingering father ensure the survivability of the offspring?"  
She ignored me. "People like oversexualizing things. I'm simply a girl who happens to be his friend." I don't know what definition of 'friend' you are using.

"Kyon has boys who are his friends. Does that mean that Koizumi is his boyfriend?" My sister was typing on her phone with a renewed frenzy. Who was she talking to that was so interesting?  
"I suppose so." She turned to me. "I never figured you out to be a gigolo. Is your sister telling the truth?"

No! No! Definitely not!

"Don't let it get to you. I was just pushing some buttons. Tell me, why did we drift apart after all this time?"  
"I once believed reverently in espers, time travelers, and aliens. Do you remember?" I said.  
"That can't be the only reason. The important question is why does the existence of espers, time travelers, and aliens depend on your belief in them?" She looked impatiently at the kitchen.

"Well, young people believe in Santa Claus, even in Japan. There is an age when people don't quite believe that he exists, but do so anyway to get the presents. It's exactly like questioning God when he's your next door neighbour."

"How so?"

"It's a nagging disbelief that refuses to go away, despite evidence to the contrary. When you see the obvious existence of presents, and your parents tell you it comes from a white man with a fluffy beard, you believe them. It doesn't matter if you believe or not, presents still come every year. Did you ever believe in Santa, Sasaki?" I said.

"I never did," she said. "I found it incredulous that such a man would have the power to observe every single child on the planet. Such an evil man gave more to the poor then the rich, refused to give gifts to adults and lived in his secret base in the polar ice caps. I refused every present that my parents would give me on that day for a long time."  
"That seems strange." I checked the time. What was taking them so long? "If someone gave me a gift, I wouldn't question where it came from. I would just take it, especially when I was young."

"You can't eliminate all doubt in any situation." She said. "Especially in ours. We could be having a mass hallucination, or products of each others imagination."  
"So you don't believe that Haruhi has a collection of a esper, a time traveler, a alien and you have a collection of a esper, a time traveler, and a alien?"  
"It hasn't been proven beyond a reasonable doubt." She said. She looked rather uncomfortable. "But the evidence is compelling. Using your analogy, those phantom organizations that we use strange and arcane language to describe, like Santa, could be fictions created by something far more mundane. The existence of their powers is no proof of what they say they are is true."

"Isn't there a point where scepticism becomes hostile to any new ideas?"

"The power of frauds, montebanks, and magic is in the mystery. Until something is explained fully we can't take half-truths and rationalizations as theory." Her face warmed up. "I like you. Your point of view is refreshing. We should talk more often."

So direct..! "What is taking our orders so long?" I made a desperate attempt to change the conversation.

"What do you think of love, Kyon?" Sasaki asked. "I've never gotten a satisfactory answer."

I've never experienced it myself. Are you confusing it with lust?

"Love is a euphemism, not a true emotion." she said. "Depression, anger, pain, all of these are shared by humans and can be measured. When people say they 'fall in love' they are actually talking about their attraction to the ideal of love. That's the reason why those romantic films get so much money."  
"Have you ever felt this emotion? Asking me is a waste of time, you know. I don't love anyone, or like anyone in the way you are implying."

"If I took drugs or similar mind-altering substances, and I told you I loved you, would you believe me?"

"Of course not."

"Love is like that. It's a high. It causes people to behave irrationally, to waste money, to commit murder."

"So what you are saying is that people in love aren't capable of telling anyone they are in love?"  
"Exactly! Only when the high cools off does the rational part of the brain asserts itself. That's the reason there are so many divorces – once the high ends they realize the reality of things."  
"Just because the brain gives you a happy feeling doesn't mean it isn't real. People can have genuine good feeling about each other on a intellectual basis."  
"If you consider the biological side of things, the body is attracted to all sorts of things. It doesn't mean I slavishly try to satisfy every desire. I'm not looking for love. I don't need a cheap high. Brains have universally addictive personalities. Why ruin a life with love? Why ruin a life with heroin? Might as well say the same thing!"

"Sorry for taking so long." Kimidori floated over and the wafting smell of hot, spicy food was a long lost sensation. Mostly because I only had to pay for one girl here. Food smells better when the stench of poverty doesn't accompany it.

As I ate slowly and watched my sister eat with the manners of a hippopotamus, I began to think about what Sasaki said. Talking with her was... unique. She spoke just as purposely as Koizumi, but with a hundred times more sincerity. She was polite as Asahina, but just as expressive as Haruhi. She speaks, I think, with the knowledge that she is right. And she is. A rational person would certainly know what she says, even if they didn't have the words to express it.

She doesn't even expect anything from anyone she meets. For as far as I've known her, she hasn't asked for anything or lived off someone else. On the same token, she hasn't given anything, either. That behaviour makes her look strange, which gives her the absence of friends or enemies. I think that she prefers it that way as well.

I was the last one to finish eating, her words rolling around in my head. I didn't really have an opinion about it. I suppose it made me impressionable, susceptible to a plausible-sounding explanation, but it let me have a open mind. The SOS brigade was a collection of something closer then friends. Something more intimate, more close. Nothing like the love she described. The correct word would be 'comrade' or 'teammate', but I feel like I'm grasping at the word without reaching it.

Whatever this nameless quality is called, it's a degree of professionalism and closeness that lets us tolerate the grind of working under her and feel defensive when we are attacked. Nationalism would be a better fit, but despite her wishes I doubt that the brigade will become a organization comparable to a country. A wilful leader would indicate a cult of personality, but she didn't have a gathering of peons before I met her.  
Ahh! I don't know. I'll have to accept that Haruhi has once again defied any means of classification. My sister was impatiently waiting to go, and I stood up to leave. She immediately dashed out of the door and started to run home, her green jacket reflecting the streetlights.

I started to walk home, and I began to think of what I could possibly dig up that had value to Haruhi. I would ask for help in these sorts of situations, but I think she would know if I did do so. I entertained the thought of visiting Nagato and asking her for a pretty bauble, but my common sense squashed it to the ground. She was behaving strangely, and I didn't want to aggravate whatever she had.

No, I had to find something precious to her, and quickly. Whatever money I had wasn't enough, clearly. I mentally tallied my things of worth, my game console, my computer, my clothing. Nothing that would save me. I felt like a peasant. Who gives Haruhi these ideas? Give me a name and I'll strangle the person. I gloomily walked up the steps of my house. I was greeted by my impatient sister jumping up and down, staring at the ceiling. Tired, and a little irritated that she managed to blackmail me, I kicked off my boots and started to walk to my room when she grabbed my ankles. I dragged her across the carpet, her weight insufficient to slow me.

"Brother, I need your help! I need your help!" she said.

"Can't this wait? Can you get mom or dad to do it?" I was loathe to involve them. They would make me help her.

"Look up there!" She pointed at the ceiling. I didn't see anything.

"Are you deliberately trying to waste my time?" I was seriously annoyed. I've humoured her for the entire day.

"I need something from up there!" She pointed again. "From the attic!"  
I didn't even know we had one. I looked a little closer. It was cleverly hidden, and unless you were actively looking for it you would never notice it was there. I reached up and groped for a latch. My sister let go of my legs, having received my full attention.

The ceiling folded upwards and there was, indeed, a attic space. Why didn't my parents ever tell me this? Did they tell her things they don't tell me? Spoiled youngest sibling, indeed.

"What do you need?" I pulled a chair under the hole.

"My kimono! I want to go up there!" She jumped on the chair. I eased her off.

"I'm going up there. Don't you dare follow me. I'll be back in a bit." She made a disappointed sound and stopped trying to get back on the chair. I hoisted my torso up the entrance, the chair barely giving me enough clearance to get into. The entire attic was extremely dusty, but her kimono was in easy reach, wrapped in its protective plastic. But I wasn't here only for that. Chances were that I could pass off one of my dad's projects as a 'rare and interesting' item.

I reached out and the ceiling creaked from my shifting weight.

"Kyon! What are you doing?" My sister yelled. "Did you find it?"  
I gritted my teeth. "Can you get me a flashlight?" I said. "I can hardly see in here." She scampered off and I was left to darkness and silence. I pulled out my cell phone and its weak backlight gave me room to see. Like a Japanese home, the attic was proportionally sized. I stood up, only to hit my head on the ceiling. I turned around, the creaking sound making me more and more nervous. There isn't anything here that wasn't boxed. I went to grab her kimono when I saw a gleam of light coming from right beside it.

It was a a mirror placed next to a silk bag. A letter was glued to the back of the mirror. I took both objects down with the kimono to my impatient sister. She eagerly took away her precious clothing and dashed away to her room. I was left to my own devices with two strange objects.

The bag did not open, despite my every effort. I looked at the mirror, and it was a cheap one, probably bought from a convenience store. The letter, on the other hand, looked old and stained. I thought about it for a minute, and then I opened it. It read:

_Dear Kyon, _

_Please give the bag to Haruhi Suzumiya tomorrow._

_Oh, and this is the only letter, so don't worry about finding any others._

_Sincerely,_

_Mikuru Asahina :) _


	27. I hate you, Haruhi Suzumiya

I hate you, Haruhi Suzmiya

In the darkest, coldest, most irrational parts of my heart told me that nothing was to be gained from coming here. The deepest dread that unsettled my mind crawled into the smallest places of my consciousness. The house that I approached looked out of place, artificially implanted in foreign soil. It felt like a great wound in the earth, with all of its terrible majesty and grandeur.

And despite this, it looked completely normal. It wouldn't look out of place in a city, or even in the country. Its mundane nature only unsettled me further. Kings live in a castle, gods live in the heavens, so why is she living here? I've always imagined that even if reality were to protest the impossibilities of her desires, she would not back down for even a moment.

I walked to the garden in the front, every instinct screaming at me to leave. The pebbled path lead to a small trellis of vines, which arched over the entrance. Small flowers bloomed in a cornucopia of colour, cascading in intricate whorls. This place reminded me, a little, of great vistas that were captured in small postcards – but of a closeness that I was uncomfortable with. The path turned twisted, but not in the pathway, but in the mind. I was propelled by a perpetual downhill that never seemed to end. The house stood in time, fixed in place, and it always seemed just a while longer before I arrived at my destination.

"Having a little trouble?" A woman's voiced echoed in the garden and I could not pinpoint the source. Her voice has a breathy, unearthly tone.

"What is this place?" I said.

"It's not the destination, it's the journey." she said. The flowers shivered in tune to every word. "But you would know that, right?"  
"I'm no tragic hero, whoever you are." I said. "I won't fall into your trap." It was true. I've read plenty of books in which the hero is lured into his fate by his own efforts to find out what it was.

"You are so clever, little man." A little giggle shook the entire garden and a light breeze shook the trees. "So you already know the answer to what you seek. So why do you travel, risk danger and trial, for what?"  
"If you don't know, then how would I know? Where is she?" I asked. I was getting increasingly frustrated of these intrigues and riddles.

"The maiden you seek is not in the noble house yonder, noble knight." A caustic voice came from the ferns. "In another castle, probably. You should give up."

I kept on walking.

"What is your reward, man from the east? Your quest is not the first, and definitely not the last one you will have to complete." The caustic voice shone like a intense sun. "This maiden is not worth saving. She is not yours. Her knight is dead. Her kingdom is shattered. You do not belong here." 

I remained silent.

"Hush, you!" Another, younger voice came from the vines. "He does not quest for glory, wealth, or fame. He does not have any materialistic desire, and his love is pure. He will not be deterred by mere words."

I remained silent.

"Not a knight, not a equal, but a servant." The first voice said. "He is the lesser and yet the greater. A true friend, he is! But his fate is not shared with hubris."  
The flowers bloomed in the fullness of spring, which quickly gave way to the heat of summer. The temperature was unbearable, the heat withering away the verdant growth. I collapsed on the ground, panting.

"I should punish him here." The third voice said. "He has proven his unfaithfulness. Why should we pardon such a ignoble creature, with his wanton lusts, to be desirous of woman. You know what I mean."

I said nothing.

"That is not true, sister." The second voice said. "I know of the one you speak. He is blameless. She was chosen explicitly for that purpose. Should we punish the fish for biting the hook? Should we crush the sapling, in fear that it might shy the sun and seek the earth?"

The heat of summer quickly calmed to a pleasant chill. The leaves turned into the colours of flame, reflecting the power of the seasons past. Carefully, I stood up again. The house looked more distant, but felt closer. Strange.

"He is not a collection of great goods or evils." The first voice said. "He is a kindred spirit of mine." "He is the foundation, the calmer of storms." The second voice said. "He is a kindred spirit of mine."

"He is the first deceiver, the great golden calf." The third voice said. "He is a kindred spirit of mine."

The calm of autumn turned cold, and the entire garden withered. Green turned to black and black turned into dust. The house had disappeared, and I shivered in more ways then one. The entire moment seem to slow, time holding bated breath.

"What is your desire, mortal man?" The three voices spoke as one.

Why was I here? This wasn't my business. If you had to point a finger for the responsibility for this great farce, it would be her. I didn't want this, but yet... I do. You would have to be crazy to want the interesting times that perpetually surrounds her. I have to make a decision here, crazy or not. What do I want? Heh, that's a interesting question. I don't think I've been given that choice for a long time.

I spoke.

...

I walked up to the house. The garden was gone, and what was left was a freezing, icy wasteland. I looked around, and the entrance which I came from was nowhere to be seen. For a moment I hesitated, wondering if she had changed in the years that had gone by. My friends had gone through tragedy and despair, but I could still recognize their belief in her. I couldn't believe that she could change, not even for a single second. Not for one moment I thought that her nature could be changed by a external force. She was inviolate. A constant.

"Come in, Kyon, you are late! Again!" Haruhi's voice came from inside. I walked in to a perfect copy of the brigade room, complete with the view from the windows. Haruhi was sitting behind the computer, impatiently watching something. Really, I am sick of travelling inside closed spaces. They always are uncomfortable to be in and make me feel funny.

I stepped forward into the room. "Haruhi, I don't know if you realize this, but-"

"Mikuru! Serve us some tea. And you've not been meeting your spilling quota. To make up for it, you will have to be even more clumsy then usual!"  
She was talking to thin air. Typical. Even in a universe where she has the power to be god she would only use it to humiliate others or talk to imaginary friends.

On the other hand, if she got all she wanted, what would be the difference between my reality and a closed space?

"Ah, sorry, miss." Asahina's voice sounded divine, even if it was disembodied.  
"I expect you to be ashamed. Koizumi! What's the latest report?"  
"Recruitment is up two thousand percent, Chief." The impression was dead on, but it lacked the ice cream koans that I have come to expect from him. "Your mandatory fanservice clauses have really bolstered our ranks."  
"Perfect! Yuki, what's the state of our finances?"  
"Sales of SOS-branded items have gone up this quarter." Yuki was emotionless as ever. "New for requests for licenses are coming in daily. Dating simulators, television shows, lunchboxes, pornographic doujins-"

"I want creative control on those dating simulators! I can't have any aspect of the SOS brigade be regular or expected. I want our responses to be procedurally generated from white noise produced by the big bang!" Haruhi continued.

"Yes." Yuki said. "It will be done."  
"Perfect! Everything is perfect!"

"You are confused, right?" A voice came from behind be and I turned. The door that I came in from was gone, replaced by a empty room with a stranger.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I have been called God. I have also been called the potential for auto-evolution. I have also been called a time-space anomally. I have been called the Kwisatz Haderach, King, Murphy, and many other names." He shone a little. His face was imperceptible.

"What have you done with Haruhi?" I asked.

"Haruhi has everything to do with Haruhi." The man said. "She does everything to herself. Captain of the spirit, master of the soul, you know. By the way, that isn't Haruhi, or this world's Haruhi. It's only a memory."

"Why is this world so horrible? What did I do?" I said. I had no reason to trust this man, but he seemed to know something that I did not.

"It's more of a question of what you didn't do. For more on that, you have to ask the man who sneers." he said.  
"Fujiwara?"

"Yeah, if you want to call him that. If he calls you Kyon, you call him Fujiwara, right? Names are important things, grasshopper."

"What did Fujiwara do?"

He tilted his head. I turned around to look at Haruhi, still talking up a empty storm. "That's a very good question, Kyon."

"Did this have something to do with time planes, or alternate realities?" The room slowly shifted into a triangle.

"It could be. It could be anything. For all I know, your theory is true, from your point of perspective. I'm not claiming to be God now, am I?"

As I stood for a little while, I began to notice that his face was slowly stretching. "You are, aren't you?"

"That would be prideful to say so." He answered.

"Why aren't there any boys born in this world after a point in time?" I asked.

"All I can say is that someone was very sad to see you leave so soon, your counterpart, I mean." he answered. Dammit, he was as slippery as Koizumi, even more so.

"Why, in the grand scheme of things, am I so important to so many people?" I said. "I'm not exceptional. I'm not a esper, an alien, a time traveler."

"You aren't a boring shojo male, let me assure you." The man shifted into a beam of light, and tasted of blue. "The thing about people is that if they think they are special, they aren't, and vice versa. Only the humble are truly great. Take a look!" He pulled me like a gust of wind and I hovered over to a little shrine. It was by itself, next to the kitchen god. But it had a faded picture of me and a little tea light shining dimly against the powerful fluorescent bulbs.

"See? You are important!" she chuckled.

"That picture isn't very flattering." I said.

"That doesn't matter!" it said. "The important thing is that you matter. Only people named Kyon or members of the brigade can come into this space, and most of them can't stay for very long. Harken! Someone is at the door! Hide!"

I was squished into a very small space, and for the life of me I couldn't tell if I was always like this or if I was something different to begin with. I can remember that the voice was a man – or a girl? Or a beam of light or a swan, or a light breeze. Right now it was a cockroach, and it was telling me to stop thinking so loudly.

Haruhi's daughter strode in, looking rather impatient. She immediately started to search the house, tearing open drawers and tapping walls to look for something.

"Who is she?" I smelled.

"Her father is someone you know very well..." I said.

Oh god. Who? Koizumi? That isn't even worth contemplating. I don't know very many boys that well. Taniguchi? That's impossible. Kunikida? That's as likely as the former. Actually, the fact that I don't have many male friends is saddening. Is it because of some odious habit I have that I am unaware of?

"Why can't she hear us?" I was sick of asking questions, but I knew so little. Thankfully, Haruhi saw the need for a guide in this dreadful place.

"You want her to hear us? It's your funeral..." Suddenly I felt a little bent, like a abstract mouse teacup and then I felt myself appear right in front of Haruhi's daughter.

The room she was in was empty, with cracked pink paint that covered up a older, whiter background. I actually haven't taken a very good look at her, even during that stressful time of knocking her out and binding her in the back of the car. Her significance too was a mystery to me.

Quickly, I acted before she could jump to conclusions."Hopefully, you don't have a gun this time." I said. "I'm John Smith, or whatever name you know me as. Is your mother home?"

"You... you..." She was speechless. "How did you get in here?"

"I walked in. Was it any different for you?" I tried to imitate Koizumi's easy-going manner. It didn't work.

"Mother doesn't let anyone but me and a couple others into this house. The question is, how did you..." She stopped. "No... it can't be. You have a startling resemblance to that man. To think that you... it's impossible." 

She walked over to the small shrine in the kitchen and grabbed the photo. "Mother always talked about him. Said that he was my father, and that she named me after what she always called him. She named me Kyon, I think, but it doesn't mean anything in Japanese."

She turned. "But you're 'John Smith', so I guess it's just a coincidence."

My heart slid up my throat.

"Why do you hate your mother?" I didn't think that Haruhi would be that bad of a parent. Neglectful, but not bad.

"You can come in here and not know the function of this place? Don't you know about the phenomena that surrounds my mother, the effort that so many dead organizations to keep up the masquerade?" She started to tear. "She never wanted me. She wanted that man, and I was only a reminder of him."

Then what is this place?

"Who are you?" I turned around and finally, at last, I came face-to-face with this reality's version of Haruhi.


	28. I despise you, Haruhi Suzumiya

I despise you, Haruhi Suzumiya

This extremely stressful night before, the kind of night that only signals trouble and chaos in the future was a terrible omen. The kind of sign that makes mortals quiver in fear, like a comet in the sky, a eclipse during a battle, or Yuki smiling. All of these are certain events that lead to an prophesied doomsday inflicted by a wrathful god.

If I could pray to Haruhi, or whatever entity that granted her power, I would ask for it, or him, or her, to give me a break. It's a little selfish, but I think it's worth it. I've saved the world many times, kept up this masquerade entirely for her benefit, returned the universe to its original state time and time again, and payed for her food. Surely, these miracles that I invoke in my name would grant me the status of sainthood if I was dead. Martyr Kyon, that sounds catchy. Patron saint of perseverance and tipping.

Dating simulators are totally unrealistic. If I were to design a game based on real life I would have a protagonist that was uninterested in everything. Main characters are intentionally made blank slates so the audience can project on them. That's extremely boring. I want the main character to seem like a real person, and everyone else will be boring and blank slates. The player has to make an effort to find out the details, rather then being offered a buffet of girls at the start.

It wouldn't be very fun, I realize, but at least it would feel like you are actually doing something, rather then brute-forcing a simple script. Every interaction should be unique, every circumstance unique, never to be repeated again. At least, if that's what the audience wants. A source of cheap emotional satisfaction is okay once in a while. The danger is if ignorant fools assume that these sims are close to real life, then they will believe that people are just as shallow as a simple computer program.

Damn, why is the hot water off again? The water boiler must be malfunctioning again. I stepped out of the shower and quickly changed. I rushed through my routine, making myself presentable for everyone to see. Every morning is about the same for the last couple of years, and I like it that way. The way I do things in the morning invigorates me for the strangeness of afternoon. Even walking up the hill felt a little more pleasant then usual.

Only one thing remained a enigma; the package. That strange letter from Mikuru Asahina from the future didn't specify a time or a place. It just asked me to give it to her. The vagueness of the request bothered me to no end. I'll just have to hope that it will make sense in time.

My friends, Taniguchi and Kunikida, were not speaking to me this morning. When I arrived at our classroom they were talking in the corner with a suspicious air surrounding them. When I drew near, they would clam up, giving me insincere smiles. It's not like I was interested because of any specific reason. It was galling that they would try to conceal anything from me.

"So, Kyon." Kunikida said. "Did you have any success yesterday?" His sad face and depressed posture means that something bad happened yesterday.  
"Hah! He probably chickened out. He hasn't been in a relationship for any amount of time, even a day!"

I felt at the package in my jacket pocket. It was strangely comforting, in the face of ignorance.

"Did you do something with Suou?" I asked. That would explain a lot. If he knew what she really was I doubt he would be so sad. But it takes all kinds...

"Kyon, you always know when to rub salt in the wound." Kunikida winced. "I asked her out, and she started to stutter! She was speaking so quickly, I didn't even get to know her phone number!"

"Hey, man, have some sympathy for the fallen." Taniguchi said. "Say, why didn't you answer your texts last night? You would have known this already. I thought he would die, Kyon, die of heartbreak."  
I didn't do anything at all last night. Why would you ask?

The rest of the day was filled with refreshing monotony. No more disturbing questions, no more weird plans. It was a regular school day in all respects, and I finally felt I could relax. I'm beginning to recognize the value of normal. Everything was in its place, and Haruhi was extremely quiet today. For whatever reason that is, I feel like I've earned it. It must be good karma raining down from the heavens.

The lunch bell rang, and I stood up to leave the class when Haruhi stormed in and pulled me out of class. I gave a pleading look to my friends, the teacher, anyone that could help me; but they all gave me a knowing look that was helpless empathy. You know, I think if a boy suddenly ran in and took a girl away people would immediately come to assist the girl. This wouldn't help any with my reputation. I was already known as her "man of unusual interest." They'll probably ask when we were getting married.

We arrived at the clubroom and she immediately started to rifle through my bag.

"Hey, you can't do that." I said.

"Nonsense! You didn't respond to your messages last night, so it's all your fault!" She continued to disrupt my carefully organized bag. "If you did, you would have known that we had our first midnight meeting of the brigade last night!"

Midnight? Don't you think that people have better things to do than show up at your call?

"Koizumi brought the imperial regalia, and Nagato brought the hugest diamond you've ever seen! Asahina was a little disappointing, but she probably didn't want to overshadow her superiors." Haruhi opened the window and threw my bag out. "So, where is it?" 

What?

"You know, your item of extreme worth! Kyon, you should listen to your superiors more intently. When you have a job, if you don't listen to your boss you have to commit suicide."  
"I doubt that it's that extreme." I said. "In fact, I do have something for you." Thank you, big Asahina. You've saved me from Haruhi yet another day.

"Then let's see it!"

I handed over the bag.

She looked at the contents, the bag immediately opening on her touch. She gave a look of surprise, and a very warm smile crept up her face. She covered her mouth, and she looked towards the windows.

"That's it." She said, slowly.

"Haruhi, what are you talking about-"  
"There won't be a meeting today. Tell the others. I have something that I need to do." Haruhi walked out quickly.

"Wait! What do you mean?" I stepped out into the hall and I looked for her. She was nowhere to be seen.

This unsettled me for the rest of my otherwise normal day. What thing did she see that was so interesting in that little bag of hers? I thought about it for a second, and then I chalked it up to weird time traveller business that I was better off not understanding. I spoke to Koizumi and Asahina, who were not surprised at all. They both gave their polite assent and quickly ended the conversation to go elsewhere. The suspicious thing is that they both knew that this would happen before I even told them. They both had this practiced look of fake surprise that I've come to know on their faces.

Even stranger was when I finally could find a person that could remember Nagato, he said that she hadn't shown up at school today. Nagato has never missed a day of school in her entire time here. I think she's earned many, many attendance awards that make her the envy of university-bound students everywhere. To have her miss today is extremely odd. For what reason? I have to go visit her sometimes.

As the final bell rang and all of my classmates rose to leave, I hoped that all of this would be the limit of the weirdness this season. Surely, the cold winter air would help cool her spirit, right? For the first time in a while I was at a loss to find something to do after school. I've been with Haruhi for so long it feels strange not to attend the Brigade at this time. That bag was probably yeti droppings or something equally grotesque and she was planning to make us look over Christmas for snow woman at the supermarket.

I waited at home for a while, and I found that I had nothing to do. I finished my homework, which wasn't much, and I had nothing else to do. My sister wasn't home yet because of her attendance at a top tier junior high school, which had extended hours. My parents were still working, and my two other friends were at a game tournament at the computer store. Should I go visit Nagato?

No, I shouldn't. She's probably dealing with the problems that Haruhi is causing right now. And last night she was sneezing. I should wait another day before going to visit her.

...

It is a testament to how bored I am that I was walking to the junior high to pick up my little sister. I really need to get more friends outside of the SOS brigade, but that's impossible thanks to the weirdness generated by Haruhi. I remember dimly being in junior high, but it seems so distant now that I can't tell you any specific events. I remember getting the name Kyon, but I can't recall at this this time how exactly I got that nickname. Irritating as it is, I've been called that so many times, even by my parents that I've started to call myself that.

The weather was slowly getting colder, and I'm starting to shiver in my summer clothing. It's so inconvenient to only be able to use half of your clothing, depending on the season. Not like I have a active interest in clothing. My mother still buys much of my clothing. She drags me along to try on a bewildering amount of clothes in each and every colour and variety. I supposed if I cared more, I would ask her to give me money so I could get it myself – but that would be too much effort.

The thought has just occurred to me that waiting outside of a junior high would be something that Taniguchi would do. Before you get any funny ideas, I am interested in girls in my own age. I just haven't found the right kind of girl. I haven't decided exactly what, and I'll deny it if you ask me, but I still have a soft spot for cuteness that cripples my judgement. My sister manipulates me too well.

My sister's school was a little distance away from the large hill that I had to walk up every day, and was a short walking distance from my house. It was fairly new, replacing a old supermarket that once existed here. A big sign said: North High Technical School Cultural Exhibition. I guess that this was the reason that she wanted her kimono in the first place.

The bell rang and students started to filter out from the school. A sea of outlandish costumes and poorly designed projects contrasted with the dull and dreary landscape outside. My sister was talking to her friends, speaking above the clamour of the crowd and once again reminding me of her creepy similarities with Koizumi. I hope she grows out of it soon...

"Brother! Why didn't you come in to see our festival?" My sister ran up to me and jumped on my back.

"I just came over, you know." Even I wasn't bored enough to visit a junior high event.

"What happened with Haruhi, Kyon? Did she catch you cheating with that childhood friend? Is she mad?"

I moved to deny it, but then I reconsidered her statement. She was unusually fired up today.

"No, that's not what happened at all. They had a midnight meeting last night that I couldn't attend, thanks to you."

"Sorry, Kyon! But you did meet with Sasaki, right? Remember, in a romantic comedy, the first girl with the smaller breasts always wins!"  
What? Who gave you that stupid idea? Don't be silly.

"One of your friends once came to our school and he started to talk to all of the girls. He mentioned that he was your friend. I don't remember his name. So why are you here?"  
Taniguchi..! Damnit. "Haruhi didn't have a meeting today. She had something to do."

"Oh, really? It's getting close to Christmas, you know. You have to give a present to someone you love." She did a twirl.

"I don't feel like it."

"Come on! Winter is when you plant the cold seeds of love! They flower fully in the spring, when you can have heartfelt confessions in the middle of the schoolyard with flowers cascading from the heavens and-"

I gave her a withering look. She stopped.

"But, but, Kyon, don't you have a girl that's special to you? If you don't, then you'll end up all alone. Your blood type and zodiac sign all but confirms it!"

"Ah- look! Look over there!" I pointed towards the exit. "Let's go home, shall we?"

"Brother?"  
"I told you, lets go home."  
"Brother! Look! Bullies!" I turned around and I saw a group of jumped-up delinquents looking for easy pickings cornering a boy. Hey, he looks familiar.

Actually, very familiar. Isn't he the boy I saved from that sneering bastard?

"Brother! We've got to help him!" My sister dashed forward more quickly then I could restrain her. Is this the reason that Asahina (big) gave me that package? In a roundabout way, saving the future yet again? It was too perfect just to be coincidence. While I was thinking, my sister was defending the inventor of time travel like she would a sick puppy. I walked across the schoolyard just as the delinquents shuffled off, looking for easier prey.

"Don't do that ever again!" I said.

"Aw, come on, brother!" she said. "They are always picking on him because he's so smart. He's skipped a couple of grades, too! He's at the top of the school rankings, and no one wants to be friends with him. I have to protect him!"  
The one thing that I desperately wanted was to keep my family, especially my sister, away from the madness that surrounds Haruhi. This, too could not be a coincidence.

"Hey, kid, are you okay?" I took a look at him.

"I'm okay..." His eyes were full of adoration for my sister. Dammit, I'll kill you!

"Let's go home now. Kid, you gotta stand up for yourself. You can't expect people to save you when you are in trouble." He didn't recognize me.

"Uh... okay!" He smiled.

"I forbid you to be friends with that boy." I said. Spacetime continuum or not, I want you as far away from Haruhi as possible. A time traveller from the future could appear before me right now and he could beg me to be more lenient, but I wouldn't budge a inch.

"Don't be jealous, Kyon." My sister walked ahead of me. "He needs a friend. If Godzilla had a friend, would he had destroyed Tokyo?"

That's a non sequiter, and it isn't the point. As your brother, I don't want you to hang out with him.

"Fine."  
We walked home in silence.


	29. Que Sera Sera

Que? Sera, Sera

I've spent a lot of time wondering – could this be the newest and bravest of the worlds that I had the fortune to encounter, but I could say no. Such is my fortune is that Haruhi Suzumiya manages to be the centre of the earth in every reality I've been in (granted, I'm not well travelled, but you know what I mean.) This brought up many more questions then it answered. For the last time, what or who is Haruhi Suzumiya? I'm afraid it won't be so.

"Kyon." Haruhi's hand rose to cover her mouth. "It's you."

" Yeah." I said. "I guess so."  
She looked at me shyly, as if I would disappear if I was looked at for too long. "It's really you."

"..." Her intense stare startled me.

She hesitated, then turned away. "...I'll make some tea." She said in her own self-satisfied way.

I suppose that I looked just as freakish as I saw her – Haruhi, old? If you could liken the Haruhi I knew as a blaze of energy, burning brightly, this Haruhi was only carrying the torch. This girl – no, woman – was only burning because it didn't know what else to do. But I suppose that I look equally as strange to her, in some ways, but it cannot be helped. We three sat there awkwardly, drinking lukewarm cups of some western tea that had a taste that I could not recognize (Ginger? Mint? Who knew?) and trying our best not to look at each other.

Kyon looked between us, lost in thought. I would think that if we were in less strained circumstances that her desperation would make all the world's sense to me, and I would have the will to protect her. But I have so many questions. The other members of the Brigade, in passing, hinted at a dark secret that happened on that day. That day, that I experienced, did not go so well for the other me.

It's strange to share the same name between two people in the same room. Firstly, you would have to refer to them by their last names, rather then their first. People would routinely call out the name, and both of them would answer. Also, it speaks of a certain unoriginality by the parents. She would be Kyon Suzumiya, wouldn't she?

...

That's a fate too horrible to contemplate. Gendo, consider yourself vindicated.

"What have you been up to, Kyon?" Haruhi cupped her face in her hands.

"Not much." Both of us answered. The other Kyon – no, that's still too confusing – she gave me a look.

"Honestly, Mother, surely you can't be serious." She pointed at me. "This man has been frozen solid for a century. He can't possibly be anyone you've ever known."

As I look at her, I can see that she's the exact opposite of Haruhi. Sceptical, rational, and realistic. Why doesn't that comfort me?  
"He always finds a way to come back. I always knew that." Haruhi smiled at me. "He wouldn't ever disobey that order. If he did, I would kill him." 

I must give her a pronoun that isn't the exact same as my name. Ah! I'll use my real name, and she'll be Kyon for now.

Kyon gave out a exaggerated sigh. "This man isn't Kyon. He's John Smith, a half-Dutch man who served in the Japanese Navy. He's been a popsicle for years. There's no way you could have known him."

Haruhi gave her a confused look when I interrupted. "I'm not who you think I am." Haruhi wilted, much of her energy lost. "I'm not who you think I am, either." I looked at Kyon. Her triumphant face turned immediately into a frown.

Should I use my trump card? No, not yet.

"Have you ever heard of espers, aliens, and time travellers?" I had to set it up like I had been set up for an explanation of weird and wondrous things. I could assume that Kyon was as sceptical as I was when I was illuminated, and I didn't have any powers to back my words.

"Those things are the plots of young boys comics, 'John'." Kyon gave me a condescending look. "Only idiots and children have the possibility to fantasize that they are real. "

"But wouldn't it be better if they were real? The edge of the unknown is not limited to only select people. Why shouldn't espers, aliens, and time travellers liven up the world a little bit?"

"That's wishful thinking." Kyon put down her teacup. "If such beings ever existed, which they do not, they certainly wouldn't waste time with anyone we would know. Even less likely is if such marvellous beings would want to get to know us."

Heh.

Haruhi's eyes looked past me, like she was staring at a object a thousand miles off. Her teacup was raised to her lips, but she was not drinking. This Haruhi seemed like a grown-up version of the Haruhi from Nagato's world, but with a undercurrent of some emotion that I can't seemed to decipher...

"Certainly, new and weird things are often dismissed as hoaxes or frauds. That doesn't mean that all of them are. In the shadow of giants, little things grow, I think. The point is, to me, they are very real." This wasn't going too well. Kyon's face had a big, scary frown on it.

"That begs the question. Why do you resemble one of my mother's friends so well?" She gave me another penetrating look, and I grew uneasy at the combined force of their stares.

"...It's too late in my life to have such vivid dreams." Haruhi said. "I've never had such a good one since he died... and he's here again."

"Damn it, mother, I want to know why!" Kyon stood up. "Why do you care about this stranger more then me? I'm your daughter, damn it!"

"What did she do, exactly?" I asked. Haruhi could be callous, even unsympathetic, but except for a few choice situations she ignored people that didn't hold her interest. I was curious.

"She didn't let me leave." she said. "She was unable to let go of me when I was young. Every single moment of my life was watched by her, like she was afraid that I'd disappear if she left. It was smothering."

"Isn't that touching, in a way?" I looked at Haruhi. She was staring into the ground. "She loved you enough to look after you. You shouldn't cling to the past in this way."

"You can't just erase years of history with a few insincere words. Why do you defend her? Is she of some importance to you?"  
I sighed. "Do you really have to look for meaning in everything? Perhaps there is no meaning in anything, just a series of coincidences and fate. Sometimes, things just are, and nothing can change that."

A pall of awkwardness fell the room, and no one was willing to talk. Honestly, I didn't know what to say. Words of comfort aren't a strong point with me – that's a story for another day – but I knew I had to do something. Was I insane to her alien point of view? Was I some crazy claiming untruths, unknowingly hurting with every step that I delved?

The game's up. The story is close to ending. But I feel a great reluctance to take action. Why? I am feeling this sense of deja vu, of something that I desperately need to do. Time creaked by painfully, the sound of a clock ticking slowly in the distance.

H. falls over, her eyes tearing blood. A inaudible sigh of relief echoes from some unknown speaker. Something horrible has happened to the universe, something great and terrible in the wild beyond. I reach for her, and I check her pulse. Nothing. No breath, no signs of life. She just... stopped. K starts to shout, her voice does not reach me for I only see the vast pooling of blood...

"Hello." The younger glanced up and gaped at some unknowable sight. I stopped.

"It's nice to see you again."

"This wave-form is collapsing. You must leave." I listened as a soft, feminine voice crept into the room.

"Why? I don't understand-"  
"She has acquired her fullness of time. It is dangerous to be here."

"What does that mean?"  
"It means," I said. "That you don't have to be faithful for long. Your need to know is about to become a moot point." I stared at the sullen posture, the comatose body of a friend – no, that wasn't the best word .

"Let me by then, whoever you are. I don't even want to know what you are." Still disbelieving, even to the end, huh?  
"You can't. This spacial object has been travelling at a infinite pace."  
"Just let me-" A curtain is opened, and immediately the room grows dark

"This universe will cease to exist the moment you vacate the object." The cold, rather alien voice said.

"Who are you?" she said.

"That would be telling," a man's voice echoed out. "Would you believe that you are skipping ahead and reading the end of the story? Inadequate, I know, but I could never wrap my head around time travel very well. And you, out there. Don't ask me, because this doesn't make sense either."

"Hush, you." A more warm, heartfelt voice that tingled at my heartstrings spoke. "It's unfortunate for you, though. Your story shall always remain... incomplete? Some things shall never be known, will they?"

I tried to turn around to see if they were friend or foe, or who they were exactly, but I couldn't take my eyes off the sorry sight.

"Incorrect. As the waveform collapses, there is a significant chance that the entirety of the universe shall be made known to us. Finally, evolution is within our-"

"Oh, would you be quiet for once?" The voice sounds exasperated. "You know what I mean. Or do you?"

"That's a question best left to the philosophers." The man went. "Pity... did you knock her out?"

"It is done. Our task is complete. We should leave as quickly as possible. The probability of the heat death of this universe is quickly approaching one."

"I have her. We're ready to go whenever you are, yeah?"

"Well, adieu, Smith." The man gave a audible smirk. "May you live in interesting times."

If this was a play, this would be the end, wouldn't it? All of the players have exited, and order has been restored from the chaos it came.

"I can hear you, you know." I was alone in a truly infinite void. The wall – or expanse? - of white could not be discerned. "You can speak out loud, or think, whatever you wish."

"Can I ask you a question?" I said.

"Yes?" she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, it wouldn't be as interesting if it wasn't, would it?"

I suppose that's true. Who is she?  
"Her? She's you, in a way. All of the doubt and tie to reality that you represent was grounded in her. But unfortunately, I was rather unstable then. My crucible was imperfect, and she left."

"I didn't say who, exactly." I said.

"I know what you mean." She said.

"Is it true, for me as well? Back where I belong?"  
The voice was less melodic and closer to what I remembered of her. "No, it is different for every world, I think. That's what makes it even more interesting. Why would you have the same rules for every game you would play? That would be boring."

Yes.

"You have one more question before I send you home. What is it you desire?"  
You noticed?

"You are reluctant to say something, but out of respect I refrain from finding out. Is there... something?" Her voice was almost normal now.

"Why me?" I said. "Out of all the normal people on earth, which there are several billion people, why me? Is there something?"

I can't answer a question that you already know the answer to. That would be cheating.

"That didn't answer my question." I tugged at my uniform. The infinite light was fading into the dark.

"You are precious to all of me, but I can't keep you away for long for the person you are meant for." A sad voice that echoed softly in the distance whispered into my ear. "Go back to that person. Make them happy." The black was slowly engulfing the area around me.

You still haven't answered my question! What person? Who? What the heck are you talking about? Your answers only bring more questions! Answer me!

And thus, with a cry, the world ended.


End file.
